I was going through some of our audio archives and found these three messages that we have never published on this website. These ARE NOT a part of our 37 audio lesson series on Coping With Alcoholics. These FREE audios are filled with facts about alcoholism and advice for making changes in your life.
Advice Alcoholic Relationships
Highlights:
- Causes Of Deaths Of Alcoholics
- Explanation Of Alcoholism Being A Disease
- Alcoholism And Genetics
- Depression Facts
- The Root Of Your Problem
- Changing Thinking Patterns
- Ideas For Discipline
- How To Own Peace
- How To Reduce Stress
- Changing Your Focus
- How To Feel Better
- Symptoms Of Alcoholism
- Progression Of Alcoholism
- Characteristics Of Addiction
- Stages Of Addiction
- Understanding Their Thoughts
- One Of Your Biggest Challanges
The Secrets To Dealing With Alcoholics Lessons are filled with facts about alcoholism, advice for making changes and information that will help you understand the warning signs that reveal you are in a serious situation.
I no longer obsess over my alcoholic boyfriends drinking or any of his actions; lying, name calling, mood swings, etc. and I am trying to live a healthier life for myself. My only question is what is a non drinking girl suppose to do when trying to detatch from the alcoholic and the alcoholic finds fault in everything I do. I enjoy playing billiards, have joined a couple of pool leagues and get involved in several different tournaments right here close to the house. So now that I have started living a happier day to day life without the alcoholic, I come home and all the doors are bolted shut and I am forced to either physically break down the door or I guess I could go find another place to rest my head at night except for the fact that everything I own is in that house and everything I love is in that house including my dog, my bird and my cat.
Recently I have even found him stalking me after coming out of a Union meeting that I attend once a month. I did not confront him about this but my question is what am I suppose to do when I am trying to go on with living a healthier and happier life but continuously he finds fault with everything I do. It is as if it actually upsets him more to see me smiling. You see I am a friendly and outgoing person and he wants to constantly turn my good deeds towards others into shamefull actions.
He will find fault, give me the silent treatment for weeks, and even do things to disrupt my life; like bolting the doors, not answer my phone calls, flatening my tires on my car or truck, etc.
what am I suppose to do when he is constantly setting me up for failer, sabbatoging my every move, etc.
Why are you still with him? I think you really need to do a self-inventory and honestly answer this for yourself.
… a restraining order might be a place to start …
Find the courage to leave and get to a safe place. They don’t change just because we love them and want them to. This behavior can get worse and turn violent.
No one deserves to live a life constantly looking over their shoulders in fear. Does not matter whether that someone is a relative or other loved one. When it gets to that point, those are sure signs that it is time to move on. It is more than okay to let a relationship go when you know that you have done all that YOU can do. I know from experience that one sided relationships simply do not work, and when your significant other is an alcoholic, its most likely not to ever work out like you want it to.
Things CAN get worse! Nothing that steals your peace of mind, and safety are really not worth hanging on to. But you have to make the decision, and only you. My prayers are with you, and God bless!!
I had to realize how I was enabling my alcoholic husband, allowing anything that was harmful to me in any way was not helping either of us. For me it was having to leave the house when he drank because the verbal abuse ALWAYS eventually lead to physical. Through counseling I learned that any unhealthy behavior I allowed was enabling. I was only helping my husband and myself stay sick. I too have began to do things for myself. I had a counselor ask me once, “do you want to be a part of helping him get well through tough love or do you want to help him kill his self?” It is through the help of prayer and God and those He put in my life to help that I have finally after 10 years began to live my life free from the bondage of alcoholism. I never gave up on my marriage or my husband and don’t intend to. I believe that all things are possible but I will not any longer live with alcoholism. Al-Anon was of great help to me as well. I hope this helps in some way and I hope you and your boyfriend can find true freedom because I do not believe living with alcoholism is any life that was intended for any of us and it is up to us to find the right things to do to better ourselves and truly live! May God bless you both!
I too am going through the same thing as you as well as being accused of cheating when in fact he has cheated and currently using escorts & prostitutes. Until the divorce goes through I have to stay in the home but I always have a backup plan. So if you are in a position that you cannot leave just yet keep the following suggestions forefront in your mind. Before leaving find a different window that you can leave unlatched so you are always able to get in (I’ve had to crawl through windows), sleep in separate bedroom & block door so you are able to get your rest without worrying, stay out of the house as much as possible when he is there and if you must be in house at same time, stay away from him as much as possible. Always keep your car keys on you, and pepper spray with you (this is legal to have) and always keep your phone or cell with you. Always have a backup plan for sleeping arrangements in event you are totally locked out–keep several friends on alert so you can “crash” on their couch or if all else fails, keep pillow & blanket in the car. If you are joint owner or tenant on the lease of home you can call the police if locked out but must have proof–so keep copy of tax record or deed to property or copy of lease with you at all times.
But most important–your final goal should be to remove yourself physcially as soon as you are financially & emotionally ready to do this because I know all too well that this is not a healthy situation to be in.
Good luck–you’re in my prayers!
It is so very hard to give up on the relationship. I left taking my children but now can’t afford to keep the house and children. We are sitting in a house with no heating. Already have had two bad bronchitis infections. I lost my mum and dad six months ago. I have not got the strength to live this life. Don’t see my husband helping but he works and drinks his money. Just don’t know how to move on. Still can’t disconnect from my husband. No it will never get better for us.
@Patricia, life WILL get better for you, but you must reach out to any and every available resource out there. Call Catholic Charities, the Salvation Army, a local church or churches, your local United Way, a battered women’s shelter. All of these have resources they can tap into or guide you to that will help you help yourself. I know what it’s like to be without a place to live and to be hungry. I also know that it’s a struggle to make things better, but you must make the effort to reach out for help. Please stay in touch. Those of us here care about each other, and support each other. I’m praying for you and your children. But please, call or go to these agencies for help. You don’t have to do this on your own.
@Darla, Debbi has excellent suggestions on ways to keep yourself safe. Please heed them. But, bottom line is – get away from this man and stay away. He puts you down to make himself feel better. If he can even partially get to you with the awful things he says, he believes that you believe the things he’s saying about you. Then he doesn’t hate himself so much – at least for a little while. Don’t fall for his tricks. Once you’re free of him, stay free. Never, ever allow him back into your life. There’s no way he’ll change, especially if he has you to focus on bringing down and abusing. Stop trying to make sense of the things he does. There is no sense to them, and never will be. Stand strong for yourself and cut him out of your life. You’re in my prayers.
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Will likely be back to get more. Thanks