I never understood what the warning signs were of being in an abusive relationship. Being use to the alcoholic treating me poorly was a way of life. I’ll never forget the day when a friend who was a professional family counselor told me that I was in a horribly bad relationship. He directly told me that I was being abused mentally, spiritually and physically. His honesty led me to stop sharing with him from my heart. I was in such denial that I couldn’t think of the alcoholic that I loved so much as being an abusive person. I was so far off in fantasy land that it would take three other people and God speaking before I would listen and get help.
I’d never taken the time to understand what it meant to be in an abusive relationship. What was he referring to I wondered? It wasn’t until I got my hands on some cassette tapes from Joyce Meyer Ministries that I began to understand that the alcoholic was treating me horribly. The series was called Beauty For Ashes.
It had become a way of life for me to endure being called awful names, yelled at and sometimes even physically hit. As I studied the tapes intensely, I realized that no one should be treating me this way. As I listened to every teaching, I began to see all of the warning signs that I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic that I dearly loved. God was opening my eyes and the blinders of denial were being stripped away from my sight. I began to see the relationship for what it really was… abusive.
What are some of the warning signs of an abusive person (taken from video above)?
- Controlling personality-The may not allow you to have money. They mighty try to control your time. The might try to keep you from having friends or interacting with people.
- Jealousy or possessiveness-The person doesn’t trust you when you have done nothing to make them suspicious. They check your phone messages and your emails without permission; this is not a good sign.
- Being critical of you-They may disapprove of the way you dress, how you cleaned the house or what you cooked for dinner. It could be little petty things all of the time, just constant criticism day in and day out.
- Blame shifting-They blame people for everything. They rarely admit fault. They have a way of making everything your fault.
- Hypersensitivity-People who are abusive have a tendency to have very low self-esteem. They try to make themselves feel better by putting other people down or over reacting to minuscule things.
Is someone calling you every name in the book whenever they feel like it? Do you get ridiculed for everything that you do? Does it seem as though one moment the alcoholic in your life loves you and then without notice you are hated with every ounce of energy they have within them? Have you been pushed, spit on, grabbed forcefully or hit by the alcoholic in your life? These are all warning signs for you to open up your eyes to.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU IS NOT OK!
Yes, some of the MILDER THINGS are just normal behaviors that we strive to live with when we are involved in potentially bad relationships with active drinkers.
At this point in the article, you really need to just pause and think about how you are being treated by the alcoholic. If you understand that you are being treated horribly bad, then you are probably in a very abusive relationship.
Here’s what I want you to do. Get the phone book and look for support groups in your area that are designed to help family and friends of Alcoholics. Al-anon is a great place to start getting help for the situation that you are involved in. Being treated horribly bad by an alcoholic is no light matter. No one deserves to be some one else’s punching bag, not emotionally, spiritually or physically. Take care of yourself and seek out help. DO THIS NOW!