JC:Thanks Ross for your article. After divorcing, I poured myself into my kids lives, got heavily involved in Al-anon and started using musical talents in my church that I’d kept tucked away for many years. In my experience, when times were the toughest, the miracles were the greatest. Don’t give up, trust God with every area of your life.
Ross, I added a video below to this article. It’s very insightful and encouraging words from Anthony Robbins.
Please feel free to leave a comment below the article.
Guest Post By: Ross
One of the biggest challenges in my life, other than living with/loving an addict, is having a life of my own. I felt invisible growing up. I also tried to be invisible to cope with life. I also used to sleep when too overwhelmed. I wasn’t allowed to stay the night with friends and didn’t want any to come over. Growing up in an alcoholic home and the financial difficulties associated with it kept us living quite humbly. I was usually left at home when my Mom would shop. She usually took my older sister .The places I didn’t want to go to, I was sent and it wasn’t a good environment. I would be miserable and depressed waiting to be picked up to go home. I was very shy and introverted in school. Again I would just try to get by w/o drawing attention to myself. I just endured school. I wish someone could have recognized something and counseled me and helped draw me out of my shell, but that didn’t happen. I think things would have been different.
Flash forward to now, where I have taken care of kids, home and struggling to hold it together. I am on my way to divorce and one teenager that will be out by next year probably. I started on recovery (such as it was, there weren’t any real group meetings like al-anon in my area. I found the book Codependent No More and it helped so much. Along with a lady who had meetings once a week at local mental health for families of addicts and alcoholics.I was the main member the whole time , other than the lady who gave out information and encouragement. It did help and I looked forward to it.
This is an interesting video: Living Your Purpose
I have had so many problems for so many years with husbands on again/off again active addictions that it took all I had to take care of the kids and keep a roof over their heads. And tried my heart out to give them stability and emotional support to offset the challenges in our home. Now that I am about to be divorced, I have some worsening problems with my neck from an accident when I was rear-ended last year. I have a lot to deal with husband and all the bad things he did to me when he left,(stole retirement and blew it, cheated and held finances over my head).
I am also trying to keep my word and finish homeschooling son. But I don’t have enough money for bills and groceries and cannot work and hope the doctor will give me better news about my condition, what I read about it didn’t sound good to me!
My problem that I’m posting here? I don’t know how to live. I work and fix the next problem. I don’t have any money. I am lonely after having been married for all my adult life. It takes all I have to get through the day’s responsibilities. There isn’t enough money to go around and its so hard I am lucky to get through the week with a solution.
I have been working on having a life since 2007, but I’m not getting very far. I hope others who have been where I have, can share how they got a life. Work and responsibility is all I know. I am so alone that if I did have a little bit, I get a mental block because its hard for me I guess. I’m not an unattractive woman. I’ve been told I look younger than my age. I feel like I have had this problem my whole life and feel like I am missing out but don’t know how to LIVE. I want to be happy, to love and be loved back w/o fear of relapses.
I am a Christian woman. I wont be sleeping around before marriage. So it looks like I am in for a long road. Not to mention it has been lonely a lot of the time while married to my alcoholic, 25 plus years invested into our relationship, and I was dedicated.
It’s a hard day when you realize your spouse chose a drink over a marriage you treated as something special. Not to mention sleeping around when he was in his relapses, to which I didn’t fully realize till we split up late 2011. I have too many problems that I must do something about or it all will fall apart.I am all there is to deal with it.
So does anybody have any real answers? How does someone like me learn to live while going through all this? I don’t know how and it makes me feel hopeless because after all these years I still cant get it! I feel like giving up, but that would be miserable too…