JC: The article below is a guest post from one of our readers. Katie’s experiences of being involved with an alcoholic are classic. Her future husband has many of the personality traits of an alcoholic, lying, arguing, blaming others, thinks he can stop drinking on his own, and more…Please feel free to comment below her story offering wisdom and comfort to help her get through yet another day of dealing with an alcoholic.
Guest post from: Katie
My future husband is an alcoholic. Looking back on the 5 years we’ve been together the red flags were all there in the beginning. However, I told myself that we were both young and without any children so occasionally drinking to excess was normal. I know now that he was a functioning alcoholic.
I ignored how quickly he’d go through his bottles of cheap bottom shelf vodka. I told myself that he has always treated me well, his work life didn’t suffer and what a hypocrite I’d be for bringing it up since I was a social drinker. Then his functionality started to morph into dysfunction. He had a couple of dui’s and lost his license.
Then he lost his job. It was then that reality started to hit me. This was not normal. He was waking up before me in the morning and drinking without me knowing. Or maybe I didn’t want to know? Regardless he found a job, a better job even and things seemed to be improving. He stopped drinking vodka and moved on to a couple high gravity beers after work. He was doing good at his new job. I told myself it was a step in the right direction.
He proposed, I said yes. For about a year things were ok. But then one day out of the blue I got a call from his HR manager, they were taking him to be tested and more than likely I’d have to come pick him up, that he was losing his job. Again. My world started to crumble around me, my heart was broken. Turns out he was hiding his early morning drinking from me, again.
Driving to the gas station at the end of the road and buying a couple at 6 am when they opened. Going to work drunk. He blew a .32 at the clinic and he was seemingly sober. He should have been unconscious.
So here we are. Present day. I’m struggling, I don’t know what to do. I love him, I want to support him and his road to recovery unconditionally. I do not want to watch him kill himself. He’s never been abusive or nasty to me and we don’t argue much unless it’s about his drinking. Actually some days I believe my decision to leave or stay would be easier if he were abusive.
I have told him that I will no longer pretend I’m okay with his drinking habits. He tells me I’m trying to control him. I tell him I’m sorry he feels that way and I love him. When I ask if he thinks he has a problem he’ll tell me yes but refuses outside help. He insists that he can do it on his own. Just one beer he says. Only it’s not just one beer, it’s a 24 oz can of malt liquor in the morning and then just “one” more after that. I’d like to give him an ultimatum but I don’t think I’m ready to follow through if nothing changes. I’m also scared to death to move forward into marriage and a future family with this disease.
Please feel free to leave a comment below.
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