This is kind of crazy, but to be totally honest, the only best friend that an active drinker has is the brand of alcohol that he or she drinks. I had a very close friend who owned shirts, refrigerators, coolly holders, swim suits and many other things that had his favorite brand name on it. His personality was actually very closely related to what I call his best friend, Budweiser.
His story has a very sad ending because his best friend eventually took his life. This is not the type of friendship that any of us would desire, but is one that results from being addicted to an alcoholic substance.
You must accept this right now. The only thing that the mind of a problem drinker thinks about more than anything in the world is where they will get the next drink from. The thoughts drive them, move them and dominate their lives. People in AA call it “stinking thinking.”
The sooner you grasp this concept-the quicker you will begin to learn how to deal with an alcoholic’s behavior. They cannot help it because the addiction of alcoholism is so strong on their lives.
If you are a friend or family member of someone who’s best friend happens to be alcohol, you must understand that you will always be second to the alcoholic’s true passion, drinking.
The delusion that we have to deal with is thinking that they are going to change when we place ourselves in front of them almost as a choice over alcohol. We place ultimatums on them and do many things to try and perused them to “not” seek after a drink in exchange for spending time with us. The truth of the matter is that 99.999 percent of the time the alcoholic’s friendship with the bottle wins over the relationship that they have with us.
Can we learn how to love an alcoholic when the bottle is literally their best buddy? I think that we can if we learn to do this in a healthy way. We are going to need the help of a good support group like AL-non.
If you can find an Al-anon meeting today, do it and go. This is the first step in your recovery from feeling so rejected by the alcoholic.
Once you can begin to grasp the truth about how they really do not want to be the way they are, you will begin to take the loss of friendship in a much less personal way.
An alcoholic’s best friend will always be the bottle unless of course he or she is a recovering alcoholic.
When a problem drinker finds his or her way into a program to get help, they start developing real friendships. If you are close to them, you may once again have to deal with being jealous. This time it will not be jealousy over them choosing a drink over you, but you will become second to their commitment to stay sober.
Along with an alcoholic’s commitment to stay sober will come many friends through the support groups that they become involved with.
This is the best thing that we can hope for, to see them exchange a relationship with a brand name of alcohol for a commitment to stay sober. In a way they become their own best friend.
I hope this has helped you understand a little more about what a problem drinker has to deal with and how you should handle the struggles you are having with them. Everyone needs to be loved and are lovable. The heart of learning how to love again and live again can be found by participating in alcoholism support group meetings.
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