Rejection is an all too common emotion or feeling we experience in dysfunctional relationships. Being rejected by a person who is an alcoholic can be devastating. We feel frustrated and lonely because the person we love and want to spend time with is treating us like garbage. Some of what we are feeling is associated with having a codependent relationship.
What I mean is that we can become so enmeshed with a loved one that when they are up and feeling good we are too. The opposite is true as well, when they are depressed and frustrated so are we. When our self-worth is measured in our minds by the way someone treats us, we are in a position to be on a roller-coaster ride of emotions. One ill spoken word can send us into a downward spiral. It’s bad enough being in a relationship with a so called “normal” person, let alone an alcoholic.
Alcoholics really have a tendency to put the alcohol first in their lives and people second. Some people in AA refer to this as romancing the bottle. They also say that they had a love relationship with their booze of choice. Even though we may not get the love we desire from them, we can learn how to love an alcoholic with out conditions.
The answer for you can be found within changing your life a little bit at a time, over a long period of time. In the AA program and in the Al-anon program, it’s suggested that we learn how to live life one day at a time. It is in this process where we begin to make changes in our lives.
Here are a few suggested ways of lessening the pain of being rejected by an alcoholic. If you consistently practice using these tools, your feelings of anger will be reduced and you will begin to not be so devastated when they treat you poorly.
How to Avoid Feeling Rejected by an Alcoholic
1)When they say horrible things about your character, ask yourself a simple question. “Is what they just said true?” If it’s not, throw it in the toilet and flush that comment down the drain forever. One thing we never do is feel guilty because of how an alcoholic is treating us. There are some good tips her: Feeling Guilty Because Of An Alcoholic.
2) Understand that alcoholics have two weapons, anger and anxiety. They do things to get you angry so they can point the finger at you and say; “you are a horrible person because of the way you are acting.” Begin to recognize when they are attempting to do this and refuse to respond in negative ways. Zip your lip and tell them; I’m sorry you feel that way.” Here, read this about Overcoming Anxiety When Living With an Alcoholic.
3) Start journaling-This is an amazing way to begin to cope with feelings of rejection that are associated with dealing with an alcoholic who is constantly treating you poorly. As you write about the daily events, you will begin to see patterns of when you are feeling great and all of the sudden the alcoholic in your life did something to steal your good mood. As you start noticing these times, be prepared to respond in positive ways. Here. read this. “How to not Respond to an Alcoholic.”
These things I’ve mentioned are just the beginning of ways that you can stop the feelings of rejection from effecting you anymore. Here’s a great suggestion, find an Al-anon meeting close to you and start attending. Go to at least six meetings and you will for sure start to see how the program can benefit your relationship with the alcoholic.
There are millions of people all over the world who have gone to support group meetings to help them deal with the frustration, anger and feelings of rejection associated with having a relationship with an alcoholic.
There’s hope for your situation, but you are the one who has to change. I say this because you have no control of the alcoholic or how they treat you, but you do have control over how you will let those things effect your feelings and life.
This is a good video for working around rejection in life. I like what he says in there about not taking rejection personally. This is how we have to approach being rejected by an addict, don’t let them get to you personally. Let it drip off like water from a ducks back.