Getting sound advice for alcoholic relationship issues needs to come from someone who understands what you are going through. I do understand. I grew up with parents who had drinking problems and my second wife was addicted to alcohol and many different kinds of pain pills.
Through the many years of being involved in alcoholic relationships, I have learned how to reduce the stress and anxiety associated with interacting with addicts. Believe it or not, I’ve attended thousands of meetings in AA and Al-anon. I am equipped with all the right tools to help you in this difficult place you are in.
I am over qualified to offer advice in this arena of dealing with alcoholics and happy to help you.
The advice I am going to give you is not intended to make the alcoholic stop drinking. I don’t think that is possible. It is, however, capable of helping you become more emotionally stable. Alcoholic relationship issues are too complex to be dealt with in one article, but this is a great place to start your “continuing education” on the subject.
Helpful Ideas For Having A Successful Relationship With An Alcoholic or Not:
- You are not a door mat! If you are being abused verbally, mentally or physically it’s time to learn how to protect yourself. A rage filled alcoholic can utterly destroy a person with their demeaning words. Learn the process of setting boundaries with an alcoholic. You need to understand that unacceptable behavior is not something that should be tolerated.
- Stop trying to control their drinking habits. You don’t have any control over their choice to drink, none whatsoever. Nothing you do or say is going to cause them to quit or slow down. With that said, learn how to let go of a problem drinker. The tighter you hold on-the worse the emotional pain gets for you. As you begin to let go, you should also start the process of focusing on “you.” Start enjoying your life without them. Treat yourself with dignity and respect by doing things you enjoy doing.
- Try not thinking about them all of the time for a positive change. Obsessing over an alcoholic will literally drive you bananas. Stop this madness and find yourself again. Easier said than done, right? Your relationship with the alcoholic must change. We become so entangled in their lives that we lose ourselves in the process. Find things to keep your mind occupied. I never said this would be easy, but as you work at making these changes, eventually you will have more self-control than you do now.
- Make up your mind to never again quarrel with the alcoholic. Quarreling is pointless. It just adds fuel to the already raging fire. There are specific ways to NOT argue with an alcoholic that actually WILL work wonders in your relationship. The foundation of all of them is being disciplined from this moment forward to never again step into the quarrelsome ring.
Alcoholic relationships are always going to have serious issues. You do not have to let these issues ruin your life though. You can be happy, healthy, joyous and free while being in a relationship or living with an alcoholic. People have been doing it for decades. If you take a little time out of your busy schedule and try a few alcoholism support group meetings, you will meet a few such people. All of the best advice I’ve received came from participating in support group meetings.
Finally, keep learning about the disease of alcoholism. The more advice you put into practice- the better your relationship with the alcoholic will become. Remember, this is not about getting them to quit drinking, but it is all about “you” making changes in your life.
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Alcoholic Relationship Solutions
I was dating a recovering alcoholic, in February was our first date and he never told me about the alcohol problem, turns out our first date was his first drink in many months. He was always pushing me away and blaming me for it. He called me slightly overweight, and he also mentioned I was uneducated, and I do not use proper grammar with don’t and doesn’t. He said I have an inability to live on life’s terms, and I blame others for my down fall. I felt like he tore me down and then he said I need therapy. I am so confused, because I was there for him, I found e-mails to his ex-wife talking about how much he loved her and when I asked him about it he turned it all around on me saying that it was not my business to be in his e-mail.
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