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I just wanted to let you know that I got your email and the material. I was able to hear the audio and I have started reading the ebooks. I can’t thank you enough for making these resources available. I have finally gone back to AL-ANON and am so grateful for the 12 step program and for people like you.
Thanks J.C. for the posting of your articles and others comments regarding their relationship with an alcoholic….yes…it is baffling and confusing. I am no longer in the relationship with my alcoholic boyfriend, but your articles have helped me understand better their illness and to help detach. Do I still have feelings and hopes of the alcoholic turning his life around? Yes, and still pray for him and maybe deep down inside hoping that the relationship can be renewed…but in reality, I know the truth is that God was and is protecting me. But sometimes “rejection is God’s protection”. When the alcoholic boyfriend decided to end our relationship, I felt it was all about me. But in reality his secret was exposed and he could not live with me knowing the truth….because he wanted to continue to live the life of an alcoholic and eventually they can cover no more….and it is too much work for them to keep it hidden from you. So, they just end it.
Want to thank you for providing this on line support for me and for others….and I have shared articles with others in similar situations. Nice to know that we can encourage another… and help understand together the chaos that we were in or still in…
I have gotten and received so much from this site and I am amazed at how well it has helped me thru these last few months.
Hi JC! Since joining AF it has been like a heavy load lifted off my shoulders. It has been such a privilege being a part of such a supportive group of people of whom I have never met! I have watched some of your videos, and I have read many of your articles, as well as written some of my own. I enjoy all the comments, advice and help that I have received from all of you!! It always feels good to know that you are not alone in your struggles, that there are other people going through the same things you are. I thank you JC from the bottom of my heart for all your support, and for starting such a wonderful website like AF! God bless you and yours,and you have a very Merry Holiday Season!
Btw JC I love this site, have read just about everything in the last two years, tried your suggestions and yes they worked , as hard as they were to do… I wish I had taken back my life then! Your advice can’t get any better! It feels even better when no means no and so what if they don’t like it and leave!
I have been reading the postings on the website for several months now. I also ordered an ebook and I think I read the whole thing in a
day or two. Very instrumental in helping me cope. I do not live with the alcoholic and have not for 16 years, but we never divorced. We have two children together. He lives two doors down. Sometimes good, lots of times a bad thing. Regardless we just had our twenty year anniversary. He has had a drinking problem the whole time. Two weeks ago he was stabbed during a fight. I spent the night in the hospital with him and then worked 9 hrs the next day. Long story short, a light went off…he has not had anything to drink in two weeks now. In the last 20 yrs. he never went two weeks. I thank God for this miracle every day.
I am so glad I found this web site! It started me on the road to seeing things differently living with an alcoholic. Because of the things I learned here and the support in the comments, I have made positive changes in my life. My children are much happier now too. The audio lessons I got when I first found this site started me on the road to changing myself and leaving the changes in the alcoholic to him and to God. I am so happy to have found alcoholics friend.
Hi JC. I came across this site, looking for answers desperate. To read what I have read the last fews day’s with advice and comments. I realised so much “mainly I’m not crazy” I’ve been in a On Off relationship for 7yrs Obsessed was an understatement nothing made sense. He’s lied “most probably cheated” let me down numerous times, I keep going back. He dumps me if he doesn’t like my opinion mainly because he’s lied and we end up arguing. Its over now, he wants to be left alone, so here I am left again. I think this is it I’m not going back, but I do plus I MAKE CONTACT WITH HIM. He comes back no bother, but he would never make the move or contact to me. Its like he knows I’ll be in-touch soon. I’m 54 it would be lovely just to have a partner I can trust and just share nice times with. This has been one roller coaster, with a lovely man at times, then a cold nasty man who will ignore you. I just don’t understand it. He’s so cruel at times, I don’t argue back these days I’m not even sure how I feel about him. Sorry to rant but I could go on with the cruel things he’s done and thinks its ok 🙁
Excellent site. Articles give great advice.
This website kinda felt like home to me. Firstly,detaching from an alcoholic is not easy,it is an emotional roller coaster but but the but you need to have a strong support system and at some point I felt like I was the one relapsing cause I would keep on going back to this relationship as I felt sorry for him and my boyfriend became my responsibility,I spent time worrying about him,spent money on him. When you guys reminded me that I am 28 and that I shouldn’t be living for him ,that made a lot of sense. I haven’t seen him for 2 months now but every time I get a call from our mutual friends I get upset and start worrying about him and his health which seems to be deteriorating by the day,but he is not my responsibility,he made a choice of drinking. I loved that man whole heartedly and I am still struggling to move on,but I know the truth now due to the lessons I got from this website. Thank you so much.
The less I confront and argue with him when he is drinking the less he erupts..I am doing the best I can to do the things JC says to do on this site..I’m not perfect at it but I am learning..I think I have read everything on here twice…lol…but I am finding my life has a whole lot more peace in it and a whole lot less chaos doing the things JC says to do..than when I was doing it my way and trying to control and alcoholic…
When I first found your the site I was in need of someone who could understand me and the kind of life I was living. I felt really alone and embarrassed to think that my life was so scary and even miserable. After reading some of the posts, I began to understand that I wasn’t alone. For years, I felt so trapped and confused about my feelings and my situations. Slowly I found myself and learned how to handle situations with my Alcoholic partner. Today I am in a much better place emotionally and mentally, Thanks to my AF friends. Thank you!!
I thoroughly enjoy the articles which specifically give guidelines in how to communicate and behave with alcoholics. I utilize these direct quotes in my vocabulary with my husband and along with prayers there has been a noticeable change in how we interact. Baby steps but definitely better than where I was before I found this site. Please continue to post these articles and perhaps start to include the high functioning alcoholics who are able to maintain their jobs, are well educated and recognized in their field as this population needs to be addressed as well.
These tools have been a blessing to keep calm, gain some clarity through the mist of chaos and unwanted hurt. I find the little messages from JC has been like an angel throughout the day that makes everything ok.
J.C., thank you for the immense amount of help your E-book gave. Reading about the experience of other spouses of alcoholics I gained a whole new education. Alcoholics are all around me. I thought mine was the only one until my eyes were opened wide. Shocking on some-days and comforting to learn how to live on other days.
J.C. Will it ever be possible to have more e-books on alcoholism. If I turn the volume up on my computer my husband will hear what I am doing and it infuriates him that I have a resource readily available in times of trouble. That is why I have avoided ordering videos. Keep on doing your good work, there are too many of us who need this vital information. We are never to old to learn nor are we ashamed to ask for help when the alcoholism is destroying us and our lives.
Again, thank you for the blessing of your web site.
This is a real good website. I am so thankful for the information and
the effort to put this together to help others. This is a tough
situation to be in , when you have a loved one addicted to
alcohol.It’s nice to know there are others who are out there who
understand and want to help.
Thanks for being there!
I originally came to Alcoholic’s Friend to find ways to live with, understand and help the alcoholic in my life. What I quickly came to cherish was the community of caring people on this web site. There was no one in my life that I could share my feelings and thoughts with, but the people I “met” here have truly become my go-to group when I need support. Even thought I ended the relationship and life I had with the alcoholic in my life, I still come back here for support, because no one else can understand how hard it is to go it alone better than those who have gone through or are going through the same thing. Reading advice and the stories of others has helped me stay strong in my decision and choice of a better life for myself, one that’s free of the corroding influence of an alcoholic. Thanks JC and all the rest of you for being part of my life now.
This website has offered clear and concise info at dealing with an alcoholic. The links to posts have provided support.
I thoroughly enjoy and am benefiting from the information on this site and wish I had come across it much sooner but all in due time.I also have recommended it to two people and will continue to tell people about it as needed.
I had a bad night last night with my AH but I will tell you that when he came into the bedroom and started running his mouth and talking bad to me, I got up, didn’t say a word and slept in my daughter’s bed. I am glad I learned to do that through this website, otherwise, it would have been a bottomless argument.
I have learned over the years to ignore his abuse and I have carved out a life for myself. Church, singing in a choir, lunches with friends etc, and this website has helped enormously.
I like the post about dancing with an alcoholic.I don’t believe there is a one suggestion on here that I don’t find helpful/beneficial. My biggest problem is trying to remember it all.I cannot thank you enough JC for all that you do(and others who may be helping you with this site.)
You’re a blessing!
This Website confirms my personal insight of alcoholism. We are not the crazy person the alcoholic believes us to be.
Wow, I ran across this website this morning. It is so comforting to know that their are others in the same situation that can offer comments, suggestions and hope.
I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for over two years. He doesnt have a drinking problem, his d.o.c. is heroin. But nonetheless this website helps me greatly and no matter what the drug it’s all very similar.
One day I might get tired of it but last week I spent a week not talking to him and it was one of the toughest weeks of my life. I turned back to this site and realized several things: I had forgotten how to deal with him, that I let down my boundaries, and that it is worth it to give it another chance because we both still care a lot for each other. He has a sickness, alcoholism. Alcoholism enhances his insecurities, which he has carried his whole life and they have nothing to do with me. I just have to learn the correct ways to deal with them, show him that he is a priority to me and that I have to remain strong and believe in myself!
Long story short I came across this website a few weeks ago and I am so happy I did. I have used the most important tool to not argue with a drunk. “I’m sorry you feel that way.” What a blessing!
JC’s support group helped me find the strength and break free from an emotionally abusive, cheating, alcoholic that I was in my own stage of denial with. Truly affecting my health, my mind, and almost my soul.
This website is so awesome !! Just knowing there are so many
Here going through the same thing makes me know
IRS not my fault like he always says.
Keep tuned in to this website to help you clear away your cobwebs of doubt and to keep you strong. Stick to your truth not a version of it, or a deviation of it from him.
He abandoned his position as husband and father to have his romance with his bottle undetected. What gets me through? PRAYERS and continuous reading of materials posted by this website. We are strong wonderful people and God is I’m control.
I am so glad that I found this website as I have learned many new things and to know that ALL the sharing that occurs has so many common traits amongst us. I know that I am not alone in this situation and that I am not the crazy one.
Its still very hard for me to find good support, everyone I seem to meet even in Al-Anon just tells me to leave him, with no other solutions..thank God at least this website exists. I am feeling pretty hopeless this morning but am timing my obsessing over him, and then as the article said before this one I will put my effort into focusing on myself.
First, just want to thank you JC for keeping me in the loop. I tend to spiral all the time and haven’t been as focused on the relief aspect which comes from you and those that suffer from this craziness as I do.
The advice given here is both thoughtful and wise and even though this was for another Debbie, this Debbie is going to take the advice and run with it. II have been guilted into staying in this horrible marriage long enough.
Wow is all I have to say. Just had a rough morning with my Alcoholic boyfriend that I have been with for 5 years and have two kids and was searching for things on Youtube to give me some hope and I found this website. Listening to JC was like listening to someone who was living in my house with me and saw what I go through day after day.
Found this site surfing the web, and I am amazed at how my life mirrors all of you. I have been married to mine for 23 years now. I have endured the blame, criticism, put downs, abusive temper, broken possessions, it got to the stage where I would dread coming home in the evenings. Reading all your comments in this forum has given me so much hope and strength, and made me realize it is not my fault, as I had believed all these years. Thank you to each and everyone of you (special thanks to Karen) for bearing your souls to help others.
One thing I’m seeing through this website is that many an alcoholic is perfect except for their addiction and what disaster it brings to them and their world. This is the imperfect thing they must battle to be “in his image”.
Rocky, if you read posts on this website, you’ll notice something that repeats itself. None of us telling our stories was or is able to do anything to make a difference in the behavior of the drunks in our lives. Another recurring theme is that the sober, responsible half is always being drained dry financially by the drunk.
Therese, I am sorry to hear that your spouse was difficult to be with on vacation. I read this article https://www.alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/12/no-name-calling-allowed/ a while ago and it really helped me in setting boundaries. We can’t let the alcoholics just walk all over us and treat us like door mats.
I am so sad. I have a functional alcoholic husband and a non-functional alcoholic daughter. I am also angry with all of this. I have not attended any al-anon meetings as of yet, but am seriously thinking of going to a meeting. This site has helped me with alot of the decisions I am now making.
Thank you for this site, it brings me great comfort and gives me real situations to contemplate with others.
I wish I had found this site sooner myself! If you can live a life of constant lying and other problems then stay. But I wouldn’t recommend it. I’m still grieving over the death of my alcoholic girlfriend last week. I was 2 days short of knowing her 4 years. The alcoholic in your life WILL drag you down with them. No matter what happens keep a clear head and read everything you can about alcoholism. JC offers great stuff. I was able to find some good books at Barnes & Noble too! (sorry about that JC). I’m starting to recover. But she is still in my head. I have so many what if’s and should haves bouncing around inside me.
So I typed a search about arguing with an alcoholic and found this site. It brought me to tears and helped me to take a step back and think differently about the situation.
This website has furthered my education and made me stronger. I understand now what it means to really detach; I understand that him blowing me off to be with friends from work isn’t about me – it’s about him.
I sure wish I had found this site much sooner than I did because you all have such great suggestions that would have helped me possibly sooner. I had to leave the relationship because he crossed a boundary I just could not tolerate and so I stopped all contact while still living with him facing a divorce.
I got an attachment from Timothy/JC on Communicating with the alcoholic. I was able to apply it last night when mine was in a rant. It was hard but really felt good and empowering. I smiled – alot – and used short phrases. It ended a little sooner than it normally does and I’d like to think that it was because of how I handled it. 🙂
When she takes off the next time change your phone number. And do not go after her. You need to call her bluff. It worked for me. I was able to get her out of my head because of this site. Keep coming back to this site.
Like you I stumbled onto this site. It is one best I came across. Do not let guilt stop you from taking care of your self. Last night I started thinking about my ex alcoholic. Then I remember the bad things she put us through. So follow the advice on this site. My favorite is DO NOT LET THE ALCOHOLIC take up space in your head.
Thank you! Because of this site I have been able to get over my ex and her drinking problem. You have showed me how to move on. Your advice is very helpful. My ex tried to start a fight last week. When she tried to argue I just said sorry you feel that way. That stopped the fight.
I just left my alcoholic husband. We’d been together for 11 years and have three wonderful children together.
At the moment I came across this site I had googled “getting over an alcoholic ex”. As I read through the article and comments, I couldn’t help but cry. It was so nice (and terrible) to see so many others dealing with the same chaos, battles and dilemmas. Sarah A left a lot of comments that hit home.
I needed a good night for once and everyone is helping me so much..I read every comment and article on this site..I need all the help I can get dealing with this..I need to work on not confronting him when he is drunk..and finding ways like last night to make it work for me..it is those nights when he gets really drunk and really angry that I need to find a way to deal with…
Thank you so much. I read your recommendations about detaching and they are very helpful. It is such a struggle and I appreciate your advice and the comments. It is just what I need as I fight to regain my own life.
I am thankful for this site.It is reassuring to interact with JC and others on here.The articles are helpful.I cant always get to a meeting and it is good to know I can find helpful advise. Thanks for all your help and input!
It has been very educational! I’m a drunk and an Al anon all wrapped in one! LOL!Now I understand myself a lot better as well as my boy friend and friends. It all came together for me after I read and listened to why I am so unhappy, chaotic, and have no serenity. I even fired my shrink after your course. Thank you for giving me the answers so I can have a better life! You rock!
Thanks JC for your guidance in dealing with an alcoholic relationship. I grew up in an alcoholic home and then realized after I was married that my spouse had addiction issues with drugs and mostly alcohol. After two kids, I separated so my children would not have to grow up in a alcoholic home. I have now been separated for 16 yrs. We never divorced. He moved across the street. Being a single mother working full time, I was not and still am not able to make it to any support meetings. I try to read as much literature that I can get my hands on to keep me grounded. He is still actively drinking. I have gotten alot of comfort and direction by reading the post that you provide. I have always felt that there was always hope. The sadist thing I think anyone can ever hear is: It is too late. As long as there is life, there is hope.
I am so grateful for having found the “alcoholicsfriend” website.While dealing with alcohol addicted loved ones, it is imperative to get support and to eliminate feelings of isolation along with the confusion that comes with dealing with an alcoholic. I find an incredible place of refuge and relief when I come to this website. I am always learning from what others are going through and appreciate the supportive environment along with the wisdom shared. Here, I am never alone. It’s a great online community and offers privacy that you can’t get in a small town. Thank you JC for helping so many.
This website has literally been a life saver for me. Learning that I wasn’t alone or crazy in all this has helped me to get stronger every day!
Wanted to give some hope and/or insight to those who always get negative feed back from this site!! Here is some wonderful news I want to share with you all. It’s been 3 years now since my alcoholic boyfriend has been totally sober without falling of the wagon once!! He still goes every week to see his counselor to discuss his stress and has finally got his problem under control. I knew he had the will power to do it & is the most wonderful, caring, thoughtful man I have ever
The crazy ups and downs of living with an alcoholic leaves you lonely, defensive, and often desperate for understanding. I needed to know someone understood and cared. You can’t talk to just anyone about your situation but here you are safe.
This web sight opened my eyes that I was not alone, crazy or without the potential for a better life. Yes, married 30 years. Using the communication tools, reading the comments and realizing how much I can avoid the hardships of the alcoholics actions. I am grateful for the opportunity to create a comfortable life for myself. Thanks again for all the comments and educational programs you offer.
JC, Thank you for all you do to make a place that we can run to. Alcoholism is such a thief and a liar, and the aftermath of living with one makes you feel so isolated. Through you site, we learn that we are not alone. Blessings to you in the New Year!
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