I had no idea how slowly things were changing in my life and relationship with the alcoholic. I was being deceived and didn’t even know it. Things were fine for about four months and then all of the sudden I found myself wrestling with very uncomfortable feelings. Over one year, I was slowly sucked into a very dysfunctional relationship with an alcoholic.
Have you ever experienced anything like this in your life?
One of our readers sent in an email recently, sharing how she not only was deceived by the alcoholic, but she also deceived herself by thinking she could be strong enough to cope with his addiction to alcohol.
Hey, J. C. here, I received an email recently from one of our readers, she described herself as a strong-willed, street smart person who always does not allow people to manipulate and control her, but yet somehow the alcoholic that she married was very deceptive initially in the courtship, and now she’s found herself in a relationship where she’s had to learn how to protect herself from the alcoholic blaming her. Let me read to you what her mail says…
“I have always been strong willed and street smart, keeping my distance from people who control and manipulate…at least until I met my husband. It was A very short courtship with many ups an downs. I fell in love with a 25yr veteran alcoholic that professed he wanted rehab and sobriety. I thought that I was strong enough to be there for him and not enable him. I wasn’t and am not that person. Now I am trying to be the strong person I know I am and let go…not only for me, but for him. I love him still…not as much as I had, but more than I have loved anyone in my 41 years. I, like the rest, lost myself and feel the guilt of hearing his words over and over saying he loves me more, and I left him. How he loves me unconditionally an then reverses to how I lie an cheat baffles me. Which if you ask him he will tell you he fell in love with my honesty, strength, and wholesomeness.
He made it for weeks at a time sober, yet he struggles and you can predict it coming by his words,actions and anxieties. I am glad I found this website to know that I am not who he says I am.”
You know it always amazes me how we can be so deceived by the illness of alcoholism. You know being in a courtship, or a friendship… And initially, things start out as being a lot of fun. And you know, gradually over time, we fall in love with this person that we’re with, and we see these little warning signs, these red flags that pop up as we go along. We think, “Something just isn’t quite right here.”
And if we’re not educated about personality traits of the alcoholic that are common among most people that suffer with alcohol addiction, we have no idea how deep into the woods of the darkness of addiction that we’re walking into; and how slowly we’re getting in mesh and getting involved in a co-dependent relationship with someone who is very ill. And then all of a sudden, we wake up and we’re like… We’re lonely, and we’re frustrated, and we’re irritated.
And our thoughts are constantly on what the alcoholic in our life is doing. Because, all of these different personality traits are coming out that are common among alcoholics… They lie to us. They steal. They break engagements. They say things to us that they think that we want to hear. Now, that particular statement right there obviously, is exactly what happened in this relationship. The alcoholic said that they wanted to get into rehab so the deception was that in the courtship [clears throat] this person thought that “Ok, there is hope for this person of getting better. I know that they have a problem with alcoholism and I have an idea of what I’m walking into. And because of what they’ve said, I love them. I’m falling in love with them, and I want to believe what they’re saying is true.”
And it’s sad. It’s sad because so many people don’t understand what the personality traits of an alcoholic are like and what it’s like being involved in a relationship with an alcoholic. We get deceived slowly over time. So anyhow, you know what? This is why the Alcoholics Friend website helps so many people – because we are constantly exposing and revealing the personality traits of the alcoholic. And I love that all of our readers get involved in sharing their experience, strength, and hope. So if you have some experience, strength, and hope, and you’d like to leave a comment in the comment section below this article… Maybe you’re on Youtube, click on the link on the “Show More” section so you can go to our website, and leave umm, and… a comment about this particular email that’s just been sent in, and how do you feel about the situation. Maybe you can really identify what is going on here with how we can be deceived by the personality of an alcoholic. So there you go. Have a good day.
New Kindle Book: Dealing With Alcoholics