Tips For Starting Your Day Over-Finding Serenity Again

Today you can start your day over as many times as necessary. Do whatever it takes to regain your serenity or to guard it. The process of changing the way we interact with the alcoholic is not necessarily an easy process. Go easy on yourself today if you trip or slip. We will never be able to do things perfectly.

If you find yourself really frustrated with the alcoholic or anyone today, remember that exercise is a wonderful way to get rid of frustrations. It will also cause your body to release endorphins which will help you to feel better. Another thing I do to rid myself of feeling irritated is I call a friend on the phone and release my feelings on them. Do your best to not blast the alcoholic/addict with your negativity. This will only make matters worse for you. Avoid isolating in depression or frustration. That’s one of the worst things we can do.

27 comments to Tips For Starting Your Day Over-Finding Serenity Again

  • L.

    “Only appreciation is an appropriate response to your brother. Gratitude is due him for both his loving thoughts and his appeals for help, for both are capable of bringing love into your awareness if you perceive them truly. And all your sense of strain comes from your attempts not to do just this.” – A Course In Miracles

    Thanks JC! 🙂

  • karen

    Thanks JC, I really appreciate you too, I needed to get my serenity back right now and you have helped me, thank you again, lots of love x

  • As always great tips j.c

  • Jan

    Thank you JC. Ineeded to hear that today!

  • Pau

    Thanks for everything, i am coping with a very difficult time un my Life, i have two Children and i am very stressed thanks to my alcoholic housband.
    He drink almost every day and i hate him for that, he is not violent but his personality changes a lot so i am going crazy with his mood changes….:: I am not the same person i used yo be 🙁
    I know i must keep calm and get on with my life, but sometimes is very dificult to me….

  • Patti

    When I first met my drinking husband, I was able to do what I wanted and needed to do, and let him do what he wanted and needed to do. His behavior didn’t affect my feelings. Over time, his increased drinking and drugging behaviors affect my emotions more and more, or maybe I let that happen….I feel that I must remove myself again, and be “Happy in my own skin”. Al Anon meetings are a fantastic way to do this, as are Religious and Spiritual pursuits, other interests, friends and activities. This gives me time to consider all things and decide what my best option is, at any given time. At this time, I think it would be a mistake for me to “jump the gun”, quickly ending the relationship, without considering all the implications of that move. I am worth all the time and effort it takes to be my own best friend 🙂

  • Pau

    Hi Patti …… i am afraid to go to Alanon
    To be there for the first time….. could you give me some advice please

  • K

    There are many things to be grateful for. One of them is
    this web sight. Thanks for coordinating all this information. K

  • terry

    Thank you JC. In just the few days that I have been visiting you on the web or reading you emails I can see I can change how I handle this.
    I look forward to your emails each day thank you !

  • Deb

    Pau, I am having a hard time getting myself to go to an Al-non meeting also. Does anyone know of we are supposed to let our Alcoholic spouse know that we are attending these meetings? Seems like most of the meetings are during my work hours or at night. I’m not a night person so it would be really out of character for me to leave at night to attend these meetings. And I have a 6 yr old son who I would need someone to take care of.

  • Bill

    Hi Deb, sure, I think it’s okay to tell spouse that you have decided to attend Al-anon meetings. Why can’t he watch your son?

  • Bryan

    I really needed some of these tips that I have been reading. I was at the end of my rope with my girlfriend and I still am not sure what’s going to happen. She had a very abusive and traumatic previous marriage which is where all her problems with drinking started. Been together 2 1/2 yrs now and she is a lot better than what she used to be like but still has bad episodes of drinking. Major mood swings which are almost unbearable to deal at time with but it happens only once/twice a month and the rest of the time is pretty good. I am hoping the continued advice from JC will help dealing with this and hoping one day she will get help. She always talks about it but never follows through. Although once again this are MUCH better than what they were when we first got together which keeps me hanging on. Thanks again and I look forward to more insight into dealing with an alcoholic. Have a great day.

  • Patti

    TO PAU: Regarding Al Anon meetings: I attended my first meeting about 1 year ago. Do an online search for Al Anon meetings in your state. I was able to narrow my list to several nearby locations and was amazed that there were meeting every single day/night. You’re welcome at any or all of them! There’s no need for worry or decorum, JUST GO and SEE. I’ve tried many, found some favorites. No one “guided me” through this process, and I was afraid to tell my spouse of my first meeting. I’ve learned SO MUCH since then. Now, I always tell my spouse I’m going to my meeting,the same way I would tell him I’m going shopping. Pushing or manipulating your alcoholic will only push them deeper/away. You need to help yourself, so that YOU can feel better! Anon meetings are SO AMAZING for people like us! FINALLY, you have the opportunity to share all those feelings that you’ve been afraid to share, with a group of folks that TOTALLY get it! It’s like opening a door and letting the fresh air in! The meetings have some structure, to achieve the best experience for all and everything will be explained at the beginning of each meeting. The Al Anon literature is food for my soul. My Al Anon meeting is the highlight of my week. TRY IT! YOU’LL BE GLAD!

  • Pau

    Thank you for your words !
    I felt so lonely with my problems for the past
    three years… and now i know i am not alone.
    I will go defenetly 🙂

  • Patti

    TO DEB: You don’t “have to” tell your alcoholic you’re going to an Al Anon meeting, but after attending some meetings, you may find that you want to tell them when you’re going to a meeting, in an easy, non-threatening way. I didn’t tell anyone I was going to my first meeting. Since then, I’ve told my spouse and some of his family that I was going to meetings to help myself, which is TOTAL TRUTH/Heart of the matter! I’ve noticed that since I can express myself at meetings, I’m able to feel calmer at home and not get sucked into the alcoholic’s moods and controlling behaviors as much. I DO want my spouse to know that I’m taking steps to make myself feel better, but at this time, we haven’t discussed it. (When my spouse is home, he’s usually getting wasted and I DON’T LIKE discussing ANYTHING with him then…) I know that he sees my mood and personal strength is improving every week. He can’t “pull me down” as easily as he used to, and that’s a huge improvement for me! Before my Alcoholic marriage, I was always happy and optimistic, and I’m going to be that way again!!! GO FOR IT Deb, you deserve it!

  • Patti

    TO PAU: I’m so happy you’re going to try it! 🙂

  • Terri

    I find myself going off on my alcoholic husband alot blasting him I try not to but it’s very difficult to do. I stayed calm pretty good for awhile but now i find myself in the pattern again

  • K

    The alcoholics take one day at a time. Non-alcoholics start over every 15 minutes
    or so. When you feel like blasting him, quickly ask God to help you. Use your
    inner voice. When you realize you kept your wise wits about you, whisper Thank you
    Thank you. Re-read JC’s articles on key phrases to use when you are under siege with
    the ah. It helped me a lot. This may not help everyone like it helped me. Our changes
    we are making will keep you from being victimized and feeling depressed. rejoice and
    Rejoice every time you make a tiny step to handling your situation. We are women
    we are strong. the gentlemen using these techniques will be strong. the holidays
    are coming up fast. The more you prepare early the less stress there will be for
    all of us. K

  • C

    Patti: Your post really helped me a lot. I tried Al-anon and didn’t feel anything after being in the room with about 10 people – am thinking it might be because the leader didn’t take control of the session. I will try another group!

    Terri: I understand what you are going through – I have lost all patience and cannot avoid the confrontations with the drinker. The most amazing thing is he calls people, including members of his family, and talks forever. He is more than careful how he talks to them. But, he is a different person with me.

  • Patti

    TO C: I sure hope you try other Al Anon meetings. They can vary a lot from each other, mostly due to the nature and wishes of the people in them. At the beginning, my attendance was erratic. I too felt it unfair that I should have to go out and attend meetings while my AH stayed comfy and wasted at home. Continued discomfort at home made me change my tune. I tried 3 or 4 different meetings, and found 1 of them so warm and welcoming. I knew I’d be able to share and grow with these folks. I’ve also selected my “alternate” meeting, for times when the weather or my schedule prevent me from going to #1. I plan to try out some other meetings, to see what they’re like. The main thing for me is to get to a WEEKLY MEETING. When I miss one, I lose my focus and feel more anxious/depressed around my AH, and they are more able to manipulate my feelings! The Meetings and the Literature combined, are like multi-vitamins, and I feel better and stronger every day! May Peace be with us all!

  • Patti

    Before attending Al Anon, my home life felt more and more like a Soap Opera, and I grew weary of detailing all the drama with the few friends I dared to share with. After Al Anon, I have a large set of resources: People I can talk to, and tools I can use. I don’t feel stuck anymore. I can ignore the dramas, or move through them unscathed. I can remove myself when the dirt gets too deep. My life is going to be better than it EVER has been, and I’m so excited!

  • PJB

    Patti, thank you for all your comments. Your wisdom and outlook on life is just what I need. I, like C, attended on meeting several years ago and the quiet in the room was deafening. I didn’t go back. I have been considering another one and your words have helped.

  • Patti

    TO PJB: I’m grateful if I’ve helped you or anyone else that has the issues I have. I spent years thinking that no one could or would listen to or understand my feelings, so I learned to stuff them and cover them up. The silence I found at Al Anon meetings had a purpose: To give ANYONE in attendance plenty of time and freedom to finally open up and speak their truth and unleash their hidden feelings. Silence can indeed be golden, a life changer for me! Today, I pray for all of us, to understand that we are ALL children of GOD, and we ALL deserve the happiest, most fulfilled life we can achieve.

  • Teresa

    If you do tell your A that you are going to Al-Anon meetings, beware that they may later throw it in your face…Mine called it my “support group” LOL he didn’t know how accurate he was… he/the disease did not like that I was going and learning a new way, he knew I had an arsenal of tools to use, and I was seeing the situation for what it really was, not the way he wanted me to see or live it…but going to Al-Anon will be one of the best decisions. Any and all support you can get is beneficial even if you think you don’t deserve it or the A tries to convince you that you don’t need it…they will recognize they are losing power over you and it will either get worse or all the I promise it wont happen again, i’ll quit, ect ect will begin. Stay strong my friend!

  • Patti

    My options were: 1) Remain isolated and alone, with a mean, angry, depressed & dis-eased person picking on me OR 2) Get out and meet others experiencing the same things; Share my feelings; Learn that I’m not alone; Feel Better. SO GLAD I chose option 2! Worth any grief my ah might try to lay on me. I am getting stronger and he won’t be able to affect me like he did B4! I’m becoming Free to Be Me!

  • Michael

    My Alcoholic is having a very bad day today and after the 5th nasty and belligerent phone call of the day my day was also in danger of going “bad”. This video was perfectly timed today. JC the work you do here is noble and the active community of people on this website is very encouraging. You are all appreciated today! Al anon has changed my life and when I can’t be at a meeting, it’s literature and forums like this website that keep me going. I’m going to restart my day now. My Alcoholic is lonely and miserable, but I don’t have to be. As a friend of mine always says “This is not a dress rehearsal. This is your life”

  • Alice

    JC,I don’t comment just this video, but all of your videos and helpful sites. Finally someone has been able to give me REAL detailed, practical advice about what to DO to cope with an alcoholic. I have found them extremely good. They do work and give results. Less angry yelling and wasted energy on how to defend myself towards husband’s accusations.

    The fact that he blames and rages just simply because he is an Alcoholic! There is nothing wrong with me. It is just part of that hideous disease. That gives me such a piece of mind. As a non-native English speaker I had to find various translations for the good phrases you taught us to use. Nevertheless they work amazingly.

    I do have setbacks and lose my temper and forget that there is no use for reasoning with an alcoholic, but like you said, I can always have a fresh start. So thank you so sincerely. Your simple directions are great, just what a frustrated co-dependent like me needs.

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