Husband Diagnosed With Liver Disease-Cirrhosis Of The Liver

Guest Article By: Laura
My husband has been diagnosed with Alcoholic Liver Disease/Cirrhosis for almost 2 years now and is at the end. Having fluid drained from his stomach every 3-5 days, 5 liters or more each time and now the hole from where it was last drained has been leaking fluid for days and he will do nothing about it. He has withered away to nothing, just bones and a huge stomach. He went to rehab and was sober for about 3 months and was on his way to prepare for a transplant and then gave up and started drinking. It is horrible to watch him go and horrible to live with the anger he has towards me. I have been in counseling for a year now and it helps and so does praying, but at the end of the day I feel so lost and alone. I cannot help him and the doctor told me to call hospice and get his final paperwork in order. I have not told him this because I guess I am in denial too. I still hope that he will change.I have no family and his family does not want to deal with it. I am lost and lonely, please offer any advise and prayers you can.

60 comments to Husband Diagnosed With Liver Disease-Cirrhosis Of The Liver

  • Kim

    Dear Heavenly Father we come before thee to thank thee for all thy blessings seen and unseen.I ask for the blessing of the peace that passes all understanding to be with this sister and her husband. I pray his suffering may be eased. I pray for this sister that her fears may be done away and she be given the strength and courage she needs to face whatever she needs to face at this time remembering that you are with her in all things as long as she has faith, and comes to you, humble, her weakness can become strength. I pray that other family members be there for her to support and to help. thy will be done in all things I say in the name of our Lord and savior Jesus Christ amen

  • Rick

    That is so sad! You have been through so much. Turn it over to your higher power if you can. You don’t have any control, he’s a grown man and has been stolen away by the disease of alcohol. It steals our identity too. Try to think back to who you used to be and be loving to that person. the YOU needs love and care. turn your focus to that. Ill pray for you and your husband. keep reaching out

  • Jule Allen

    If he’s sick and dying, how is he still able to get alcohol??

  • Ross

    So sorry for this challenging time for the two of you..sending hugs and prayer.

  • Gail

    Laura my daughter is in the same position I have found, over this past few months that every night before I go to sleep and every morning when I am getting ready for work I take a few moments to myself. I visualise wrapping my daughter in a soft blanket and handing her over to a higher power to look after as I have learned the hard way, with many tears and much anger, that I can no longer teach my ‘baby’ how I think she should live her life. This means I manage to sleep most nights and to function at work which I struggled to do when I was worrying constantly. I can’t change this but I can’t spend every moment of every day in fear either.
    I hope this helps you too

  • Debbi

    So many things I would like to tell you to help ease your pain. You have no family to help you so it seems you must be dealing with this on your own and no support. Try to go to more counseling for you right now because it has to be wearing you out more than you may even realize. Make sure you take care of your needs–every morning make sure you are addressing your needs of food & rest especially & if you are home with him every day, try to get out and away from the situation to do something just relaxing for a short period every day. Taking care of someone during a terminal illness is more stressful than probably what you had to tolerate before this happened. If he is in hospice, sign up for their counseling for family members–I did when I took care of my aunt and later my father–they have wonderful counselors to help you. I do not know you personally but I will give you all my prayers today–the day is yours & know that as I go about my day I and others here are asking for help & peace to come to you. I’ll be your guardian angel today & continue as you need a listening ear. Keep me posted & God Bless.

  • Mia


    I’m so sorry to hear your sadness and mostly how alone you feel . It must be almost unbearable . I don’t really have advice as I’ve not reached that stage so can’t know how you feel or what to suggest. I only know that in the darkest times with my wonderful alcoholic it’s do hard to remember the good and even harder to remind him . He’s cooking for us now in the kitchen as we are going through a lovely phase that may last a day or a few weeks. Maybe we love them deeply cos we get used to having to enjoy the brief times things are good and cos the bad are so bad the good feels heavenly .

    In the really dark times I try to remember the good things by doing something positive with those times. I do things like make him something I can give him to remind him how I care or my last time I made a scrap boom of lovely photos of good times we’ve had. I don’t know but when I next saw him he was very touched and I think he realized and remembered . Just wondering if this is a really positive thing to do you could share with him . Would it help him remember your happy days ? It’s just a thought.

    I think it’s important you find a way to bond if these are his last days and it will be good for your serenity to know you tried even if he doesn’t join and share with you

    Anything you can do to be close in this last phase will help you later

    But don’t forget he chose this life , he’s angry with you but it’s himself he’s angry with. I think they are so angry with themselves they can’t face it do blame others

    I’d live to go in the kitchen and ask my boyfriend what to say to you but it would probably not be a good idea !!!

    Spend time with those that love you, remember its not your fault and love him because that’s what you will remember later

    I read something the other day and hope it encourages you and helps you smile

    It goes like this

    Dance as though no one is watching you
    Trust as though no one has ever hurt you
    Love as though no heartache has happened
    And live as though you are already in heaven here on earth

    Much love and I’m over here in the uk thinking of you and sending a prayer to the man in the sky . When you feel alone remember though you really might be alone , In Fact lots of people and some even thousands of miles away are reading your post and thinking of you and willing you lots of strength and comfort

    Pray for courage, wisdom, strength and for god to put positive loving people in your path
    Even if they are strangers. Notice tiny things that are beautiful. When you see feathers my dad said they are a sign from god he’s has guardian angels watching over you. Pick them up and carry them with you

    I find them a silly but comforting little symbol

    Take care

  • karen

    Dear Laura,

    I am so sorry to hear of your sadness and grief.
    It is so unfortunate that the A person does not forsee the outcome of their abuse of their body.
    The liver cannot repair itself and the damage is done…there is no going back.
    So looking forward, I strongly suggest that you get in touch with your Hospice and prepare for death and get all of his papers and other arrangements in order as soon as possible.
    I am a community RN and I have often drained these abdomens full of fluid and the swelling that also occurs in the legs. so so so sad.
    I have shared many conversations with them and have cried and shared tears with them also.
    They do have many regrets, but the alcohol has consumed them and now it consumes their bodies.
    My thoughts are with you.

  • JC

    Karen, your comment about the alcoholic having many regrets deeply touched my heart. Thanks for sharing your experience.

  • Bruce

    Dear Laura: I feel for you. My alcoholic girlfriend was found dead 24 days ago. The last time I saw her she was bloated. I think her liver and the rest of her body shut down. You have a rough road ahead. We are here for you during these troubling times. You are in my prayers. Bruce

  • NAM

    My father died of liver disease 12 years ago. He was in ICU for 4 weeks and then they sent him home. He didn’t want to be anywhere else. The week he was out of ICU and in the hospice section of the hospital he asked one of my uncles to sneak him in a beer. I have sooo many crazy memories of that period in my life. Its so sad and so draining. My father was only 44 when he died. He left my mom and my three siblings behind to deal with all of the madness. 12 years later, I am still mourning him and wondering what I could have done to help him more. A million times I have thought “If only…”. It gets better but it takes time. I recently left my Alcoholic partner of 21 years. I am only 36. We have a 19 year old and two younger children. He hasn’t stopped drinking. I’ve done all in my power to convince him to stop. No one can make anyone do anything they don’t want to. Especially an alcoholic. I’m sorry you have to deal with this alone. Even when you are surrounded by family and the best of friends, you can still feel sooo alone! People who do not or have not lived with an alcoholic don’t understand. We are a different kind of people because of this disease. Keep praying. Start preparing yourself mentally and emotionally and even physically. Remember your AH chose his path. He chose to continue drinking and now you have to choose to be strong and move forward. Tell him the truth. Forgive him. Let him know that you do. Even if he is upset with you deep down he understands what you are trying to tell him.
    sending you a million hugs

  • maryann

    Hi Laura,
    I am so sorry for the pain you are going thru with your A. My brother is in his last stages of renal failure he wasn’t an A but he smoked 4 packs of cigarretts a day. Anyone who has a substance abuse of any kind is slowly killing themself. My A scares the hell out of me, there times he can’t breathe I tell him hes killing himself but they don’t listen. You are a strong kind and loving woman don’t change who you are remember in sickness and in health. I think gathering old pictures or watching videos with the both of you and your children in them would be an awesome idea love and comfort him as much as you can and have no regrets, know that you did everything you could to help him this will give you peace to move forward and heal. I am here for you too. I pray that god continues to give you strength to get you thru. God Bless you and your family.

  • Merry

    Hi Laura,

    You are not alone. I understand your sadness. I do suggest that you get your husbands affairs in order. Keep going to counseling. And definitely take advantage of the hospice counselors. My heart goes out to you. I know someday soon I too will be facing my husbands inevitable end. There’s a lot to be said for staying strong. Cry, release your anger don’t hold it in. It’s ok not to be strong all the time. Remember to take care of you. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers. And I am sending you hugs and a shoulder to cry on – anytime. ~ Merry

  • Pez

    Dear Laura, This is so sad to hear all these stories. I was not able to stay with my alcoholic boyfriend. It was too painful. And now I see the pain it may have come to watching someone literly kill them self and dying. It grieves me even thinking this is the way he may die if he does not stop as I still have a love for him. I may hear of this someday, I pray not. I do encourage you Laura once all this is over and you have your time to grieve to go out and find some girlfriends. I firmly believe women, married or not, need their “other” friends beside soulmate or husband. Go to church, find a group that has common interests, I found the meetup groups at to help me through the break up and loss of my love. The Meetup groups have tons of interests–anything you can think of. Don’t isolate yourself! you may have to make yourself at first, but it will become eaiser.

  • Olga

    Dear Laura
    Reading your article wrung my heart. I just pray that my husband doesn’t get to that stage but I am thinking of you, sending you all my best wishes for you to keep strong. Sort out that paperwork, take advantage of anything a hospice can offer you – they’re amazing. Remember, you’re not alone, you’re surrounded by the support and love of all wives of alcoholics. Take care, big hugs.

  • Suzanne

    This is so so sad.
    God bless you.
    Carry on with the counselling you’ll need it for a long time, also alanon is a must, it saved my sanity and my life.
    You are not alone, all of us might face this one day with loved ones.

  • JC

    Laura, as some have already mentioned, if you are not already attending Al-anon regularly, please consider doing so. You will find a group of loving people there who can empathize with many of the things you are going through. You will find friendships that will last a lifetime. There are hugs, smiles, laughter, tears, wisdom, strength, hope and bountiful supplies of serenity to be found in the Al-anon program. You don’t have to go through the grieving and healing process alone. There are people in Al-anon who will hold you up during this difficult time you are living through. You will find yourself with people who understand the pain, anger, frustration, hurt, loneliness, confusion, depression and disappointment that you may be experiencing. There’s healing and help waiting waiting for you to experience in the rooms, in the people, and in the literature of the Al-anon program.

  • Ro

    Dear Laura,
    Praying to St. Monica for you to give you inner strength so that you may breathe into your heart and find God’s power within you. Please take a day at a time or a second at a time. Your husband’s guardian angel is with him now and always. Ask for his and your angel’s help. As JC said above — to attend Alanon is such a good suggestion. This disease is too big for one person to carry on his or her shoulders. Find support in the group. My prayers are with you. I hope you find immense joy and love in today.

  • Laura

    Thank You ALL, so very much for your prayers and kind words. I was shocked to even think anyone would respond. It is nice to hear support from all of you and ideas of how to stay strong and be kind during this time. I will work on a scrapbook and I have decided to contact hospice even if he gets mad it’s not my fault and I have to stay strong and do what is best for both of us right now. I also have been thinking alot about guardian angels lately and thank you for reminding me to look up and out. I wish peace and safety for you and your hearts. What a horrible sickness this is and what a weak situation to be put in. I do know I am hear for a reason and I am holding on to the thought of following what God has intended for me to do and learn from. Mother Teresa once said ” God only gives that which he trusts us to handle, but sometimes I wish he did not trust me quit so much”.
    Love and prayers to all you kind hearts out there and stay strong in knowing you are important too.

  • Bruce

    Laura: You sound like you are starting to accept whats ahead for you. Stay strong! Chin up too! Bruce

  • Debbi

    I have been thinking of you all day–you are in my prayers.

  • maryann

    you have been in my thoughts as well Laura knowing we could all face this tragedy at some point with our A. This addiction is stronger and bigger than us. Only God can save them, if they allow him. My prayers are with you and your family.

  • maryann

    Bruce, how are you coping with your loss? You are in my prayers as well. If wish our A’s had a clue what this does to us and our families before and after. God be with you Bruce in helping you move past this in peace and love. I am here for you as well.

  • Bruce

    maryann: My loss was a complete surprise. Had tried texting her for a couple of days. Her mother did too. She had a hearing impairment. That is why we text her. Her sister went to her house. When she walked in she was sitting in front of the tv. Still in her pj’s watching tv. We figured she had been dead about 36 hours. It is getting a little better. But not by much. I think about her everyday. Trying to figure out what signs I missed. God I miss her! I would put up with all the problems we had. Just to have her back.

  • Ross

    Bruce and others, I was saddened to read of your losses.I’m so sorry for your difficulties too…
    Hugs and prayers for you too,

  • I am involved with an alcoholic, I love him, and we were friends for a long time. He lost everything, but still if he has any money at all he is drinking. I don’t know if I could watch him die, you are so brave and strong. This is so sad, I do not understand why someone would rather be drunk then enjoy the beauty in this world sober. This is how my Randy is though, I don’t understand. I am sorry for your pain. Gail

  • Laura

    Thank you again for all your kind words. Somedays seem beter than others,but the last two have been so hard. We went to his regular physician on Monday and it was not good. He finaly seemed to be getting the fact that he is dying and it is because of the drink. He did quit for two days and then back at it again. He gets his fluid drained from his stomach every 3 to 5 days and in between that time he is in pain and miserable. He has widdle away to nothing weight wise and it just is so hard to watch and try and keep everyting together as best as possible for myself and my daughter, even though she is a couple hours away she calls everyday worried about him and me. She is his stepdaughter and his own kids don’t want to be around him… There nosey grandmother called when she found out we had been in ER and wanted me to fill her in (she left a message) because she said wanted the info for her grandkids who are 22 and 18. She does not care about anything except gossip. His oldest does text him once in awhile but that is it. So I did not bother to respond and finaly let him hear the message. They never bother to call him, if they really cared they would. I am trying to get everything in order, with what he wants to give to whom and he has been working with me on this and all the legal items that need to be finalized. I have hospice comming next week to line that up for when we need it. It takes everything I have not to get mad and annoyed with his stubborn alcoholizm, but when I have to help get him dressed and take care of covering his woulds for all his stomach draining, I just feel sick and sorry for him. It is like having a child around and playing house, but inside I miss the man I married and I am scared to face the future by myself. Thanks again for being there, I am pretty much in this alone and I pray for peace for both of us daily.

  • Ross


  • How are you doing? How is he? I have had you in my thoughts and prayers.

  • Denise

    I’m so sorry for you, it’s such a long road to toe, just to end so horribly. My A has been going through this for almost three years now, what makes some A last longer than others? I’m not looking forward to the outcome but I know in my heart this same road will be mine someday.
    All my hopes and prayers are with you and your family. You are very strong to even stick this out as you have, so you are a survivor and will go on with your life,as you should when this is all over.
    this is my first time on this web site, but reading what everone has to say, is so in encouraging to me, I plan on checking this site regularly. Great advice from all the friends that responded.

    Hang in there girl, my thoughts and prayers are with you.

  • Laura

    Denise, welcome I find this sight as a great therapy tool. It always helps remind me I am not alone and that this dis-ease can affect so many of us and so many wonderful people who did not ask for this. I am sorry to hear of your situation. I just cannot believe how I got here it seems like a bad dream. I wish you the best and remember stay strong and set safe boundries for yourself as best you can. Some days are much easier than other I know.
    Gail thank your for your conern and thoughts. This weekend was long. He had hospice give him medicine for pain and of course if 1 might work 2 or 3 will do better so he was dopped up all weekend and drinking too. I talked to the nurse on the side and told her he was drinking and she said at this point whatever he needs to do to be comfortable. Great… now I get to worry about fighting with him trying to drive. Even though he is swollen, malnurished and in major pain he still tries to act like nothings wrong. He went down hill fast this weekend with the medicine and now will not take it he thinks they are trying to kill him and gave up on him ( hospice). It is like, when are you going to get it?.. He thinks they are all wrong and he is going to pull out of it. He has had so many chances and they all say this is it. I told him I would take him to get his stomach drained today and he flipped out because he wants to go to work and only he can hancle it I cannot do it or our secretary cannot do it. We or he has a business, I said you should relize that if something happens to you we will have to survive and deal with it and if it is so bloody important to you and can’t surviive without you being there than maybe you should have thought about that before you got yourself so sick from booze. So I just said fine, do what you want you do anyway, just no drinking or medicine and driving. So today I am off to the gym and then trying to stay sane and healthy. I think he needs an IV to flush the fluids out, but he said he is fine. Funny how they can’t live without you sometimes and other times you are just a dumb idiot. I honestly think this is going to last a long time and it is ugly, he has other things happening too that I won’t mention, but it is so depressing to watch. I spent the whole weekend pretty much couped up in the bedroom bummed. He would not eat for 2 days, I don’t know it is just sick. Thanks again and I hope you have a great day. L

  • Ross

    Reading the posts and said a prayer today for all of you…

  • karen

    My heart aches each and everytime I read your updates on your A-spouse. The true A person will always be in denial…until the very end. They do not see their drinking as a problem.
    My ex-A would share with me at times about different health issues that were happening to him, such as,”I have this pain in my right upper stomach(liver area) and the pain would be sharp and stabbing and intermittent at times and his abdomen was hard and very distended and even for me to touch it would cause discomfort for him…so his liver failure is starting. He thinks he needs to loose weight to reduce the large abdomen…seriously. He eats very little to begin with and to put vegetables in front of him was a cardinal sin!!!
    Then he would have this awful cough and would spit up some blood tinged sputum…likely the beginning of eosaphageal varicies…which is deadly also.
    His brain is pickled from the alcohol and his memory is poor.Drink on buddy.
    I am a registered nurse and I tried to explain this problems to him and he would laugh…well laugh on brother!!
    Then he would complain about the numerous loose bowel movements..which are the effects of the alcohol also. And it goes on and on and on…..
    My prayers are with you.

  • karen

    I also find this site so helpful and I go back and read some of the stories and comments as it helps me to continusly keep things in perspective,which I am finding the need more so at the current time. Although it has been 7 months since we have seen each other or spoken, it is better that way..for sure.
    I still have monents of tears and sadness for the loss, but the reality is….he has no place or purpose in my life.
    I have come a-long way with more to go. I find the evenings the most challenging and I try to find activities to keep me busy. So, if any of you’s readers have any other suggestions…I am all ears.

  • Julie

    Hi Laura, My heart goes out to you, My Brother has stopped drinking for 13 months now, but, its to late he has end stage cirrhosis, I didnt even know how to spell the word until recently, now that my brother has it after years of drinking, he quit a little to late. He admits this now. His ammonia level was high and put him into a coma for 4 days. Im told most alcoholics dont wake up from this. God has brought him out of his coma I believe so we can say our good-byes to him. He was in ICU for a week. We all traveled from 3 States to be with him in ICU. He woke up from it only to get worse when we thought he beat it. No one ever does, its irreversible, except by some miracle they get better.
    Then came a regular hosp. room, he was there for another week. We thought he was getting better but having fluid removed every 2 to 3 days. High ammonia levels treated with Laculous. Then low sodium levels, then infections, he needed blood plasma, he developed pockets of fluid, low blood pressure, sleeping a lot, from kidneys starting to shut down. He was hardly able to speak, so much weight loss, his clothes hung on him, it was always one thing after another. My once handsome brother was thin and frail.
    I realized just how advanced it was and since Im from another State I wasnt there with my brother, but always talked with him, he hid from me that he was stage 4 b/c he didnt want my mom or sisters to worry.
    Third week in hospital, he was getting worse, the Dr’s had a meeting with all the family in his hosp. room dreading I knew they’d say ” Theres nothing more we can do for him” maybe we can try kidney dialysis……

    My brother realized he wasnt getting any better that cirrhosis had its hold on him and he was in liver failure beginning of stage 4. I knew the final stage was when he turned yellow, it horrified me when I saw his eyes, they were yellow and his skin was yellow with a brassy tint.
    I was scared for him but I knew I had to be strong for him and he not see my pain I felt for him.

    My sister called Hospice as he didnt want to die in the hosptial. He lost him home while in hospital, So we made his home at my Nephews, hospice set him all up with a bed real nice, with his meds, morphine when he needed it. His Kidneys are slowly shutting down, and he sleeps a lot, We even brought his dog, she puts her paws on his bed to ck on him, its heart wrenching to see my brother dying. We are all close. My sister is the closest to my brother and shes there with him now.

    We put him in Gods hands, He has prayed the sinners prayer and asked Jesus to forgive him of everything he has ever done. He didnt want to be an alcoholic. He was abused growing up and that was his way of dealing with the abuse my father inflicted upon him. He had ADHD which he self medicated. My dad also died of cirrhosis at 42. My brother is 57.

    I never, ever imagined this day would come, I’m heart broken especially for my mother. She cries and cries blaming herself for my brother having a rough life. Sometimes, I hate my dad for what he done to his 5 kids, my brother being the only son. But, I forgave my dad for myself, and Jesus tells us that we first must forgive so that we may be forgiven.

    I pray a lot and feel b/c of my brother’s sickness it has brought me back to my Lord and Savior. He helps me understand and he comforts me. Im not a very good writer but, I wanted to share my story so that it may help others to come to term with your loved one thats been plagued with this horrible disease, the disease of the devil they say.
    If any of you out there that are reading these please, please do all you can for them by praying, seeking God for help.
    I wish I had the strength of some of the ppl on here that have been threw it already.

    Laura, please know your not alone, you have many people praying and thinking of you going threw your struggle watching him deteriorate in front of your eyes is not easy, Pray for your loved ones soul.
    I wish I could turn back the clock, but it is what it is now and all I can do is keep praying for my brother for that second chance, maybe I’m in denial but, these posts have helped me a lot. When I fist got on different posts I had no idea what high ammonia level, fluid draining, low sodium meant, and all that goes with having the disease, I know it all to well now.

    God bless to all of you, my thoughts and prayers are with you. I wish there was no such thing as alcohol, but there is and many more loved ones will be diagnosed with cirrhosis every hour, every day. Its the third leading cause of death in United States. Its a cruel, painful agonizing slow death.

    I do want to say in closing that my brother has kept his sense of humor threw it all trying to make us laugh threw his pain and giving my nephews who are young, ” I quit a little to late, I sacrifice my body so that you can see what alcohol does to you!”

    I’ve learned so much threw all of the this, it has truly changed my life. I don’t know how long he has now, only God knows that.
    I’m so sorry this has happened to the one you love or the one you know.
    Keep praying, and God Bless.

  • Ross

    Julie, I’m so sorry to read that your bother,you and your family are having to deal with this very painful situation.I have lost so many loved ones to this disease.I had grown up and moved away for a long time and missed alot of it.I havent experienced up close anything like you’re describing but afraid i might.My brother is a bad addict and i am separated from my alcoholic husband.stbx..My uncle went to the hospital
    last night and we all know its from all the years of drinking.i think maybe,ive run and avoided looking close at all this.not the best way and i feel bad for it, but feel i cant handle it.i dont know.

  • Debbi

    My thoughts are with you as you go through this & hope you come out on the other side much stronger and better for the heartache you are now going through.

  • Julie

    Thank You to everyone for the support and encouragement for me and my family during this difficult time.
    Last night when I was on this page writing about my Brother, I finished writing at 2:30 AM.
    I got that phone call at 3:15 AM from my mother, I knew my brother passed away even before I answered.
    To here my mother crying that her only son had died was to much to bear, I tried to be strong and tell her that my brother passed on peacefully while he was sleeping and The Lord took him to be with him. She cried and said but I didnt think he’d go this fast. Hospice took him home from the hospital Saturday afternoon, he didn’t want to die in the hospital.
    My sister cared for him gave what he wanted & needed she even made him green chille burrito which he had a very small piece. He loved that, and he told us he loved all of us being there for him showing him love while he was in the hospital for 3 weeks. We stopped along the way I bought him a eagle walking stick from Geranimos in Arizona on the way from California to New Mexico, gave it to him at the hospital for when he went to rehab. He didnt quite make it but he loved the eagle head that was carved by Indians and that I thought of him. We took lots of pictures of him and family by his bedside. I knew that I would look at these one day, like today and think of how sorry I was for him and heart broken this dreadful disease has afflicted my brother.
    If I could I would have given up my liver for him. I knew he struggled and didnt want to drink all the time, he didnt know how to quit. He tried the alcohol pill that made you sick when you took a drink. He tried the milk thistle for his liver, eating good, all that. He quit drinking 13 months sober but cirrhosis had already took hold of his liver and this is the result.

    I want people to know that I have read the stories of their loved ones with this disease, some ppl being angry with them, out of fear, or there stubbornness, or what ever it may be. I know about denial Ive seen it in my brother and everyone I hear about. My brother, didnt enjoy drinking, I know some alcoholics do for the high. My brother was also depressed which ran in my family as well. He suffered from that and there is such a thing as the alcohol gene. It is passed mainly to males in the family, my dad died from it when he was 42. I didnt see him die or was not with him. I didnt want to be there. My dad drank until the day he died, my brother didnt.

    Ross, I feel your pain, its not easy to deal with or see someone you love go through this. I never thought I’d go through this. I guess I was in denial myself and just thought Oh he’ll quit drinking, he’ll be ok, Then it snuck up on him and all of us. One day he goes into the hospital and 3 1/2 weeks later hes gone.

    Pray for them and take care of you in the process so when of all the heartache comes, you will need to be strong. I hate it when people look at you and act like oh well, he did it to himself and thats to bad kinda attitude. But, in all actuality, I knew my brother and he didnt want to drink. He drank b/c of personal problems in his life and suffering with depression, bad economy, he was lonely, all these things creep up on you over time causing ppl to drink for many reasons, so dont tell me my brother purposely wanted to kill himself b/c he did not. I know he could have maybe went a different route but in this bad economy people dont have the insurance for care, and sometimes the easiest for men is drinking, it takes away there pain so they think only to suffer with much more physical pain later, that they never expected.
    I hear the same sad stories about people suffering from cirrhosis. But, you know the people that love them are suffering right along with them, sometimes I even felt physical pain as well as mental. I lost weight from worry, and I know so many people know what I am saying. Makes me want to go and get all the alcohol ever made and break every bottle and smash every can. I want to shake my fist at the devil!

    Thank You Debbi for your kind words, I am being strong for my family but hurting inside so bad. I will come out on the other side stronger and better for my brother. This has changed me forever. I want to make my life better b/c of my brother and do the things he wanted to but couldn’t.

    Laura, we havent heard from you I hope everything works out for you and your loved one, but I seem to know the outcome and I pray for you and my thoughts are with you and your family. Be strong, and love him for who he is and know you cant change it, just love, and forgive, and know this is not what they wanted for themselves.

    It was a honor and a pleasure to have you as my brother, Daniel. You’ve been there for me, taught me things, encouraged me, loved me for who I am, not spoken one bad word about me, suffered in silence for your family, which we knew, but thats the way you wanted it you didn’t want us to worry, now your with the Lord. I’m happy and comforted knowing you excepted the Lord Jesus in your heart and asked for forgiveness of all your sin. It was truly a privilege to be your sister, thank you for loving me, and now I know you’ll be my angel watching over me. I love you with all my being and you will live on in my memory and heart.
    R.I.P. my Brother <3
    God bless to each and every one of you!

  • Amber

    Julie, I am so sorry for your loss. I know exactly how you feel. When my husband fell down some stairs on May 4th and had bleeding in the brain and detoxing for 10 days in icu. Then recovered at a rehabilitating hospital for 30 days and lost 40 days of his life. I didn’t know he was an alcoholic until at the time of the accident the doctor told me his alcohol level was .400 and that should’ve killed him but now he was concerned about how his body will handle him detoxing. My heart ached for him in ICU cuz I realized he has been fighting this disease for his whole life then I see him fighting for his life in ICU. He is now fighting threw the affects of his brain injury now along with his alcoholism and this is a battle he will face for the rest of his life. I have been so angry with him the last two weeks since I found charges on my credit card for beer and he stole my emergency money from my hiding place and my daughter caught him drinking so much I could go on and on. But I just want to thank you for reminding me my husband is no villian. He is a man with a horrible disease, and I know how much he loves me that he would do anything to quit for me, but he just can’t. So I humble myself to you and tell you thank you.

  • Ross

    I’m so sorry Julie.I will pray for you.I can only imagine how hard it is for you/family.

  • Julie

    Thank You so much Ross and Amber means a lot to me. This page has helped me to let it all go so that I may help others as well. I’m putting the word out to come here for moral support for people, family, friends,loved ones that have gone threw this or will be or are already going threw this. I never thought in a million years Id be saying good-bye to my brother. I couldnt be there with him Im in CA my mom to, he is in Albuq, NM. It tore me up and my mom that we couldnt be there,and hear everything over the phone, even doing face-time with our iphones helped to be able to see him. My sister would hold it up for him to see us. We had just drove there the 6th of August when he went into the coma. I Thank God he woke my brother up so we could say our good byes and spend time with him.
    My 2 sisters were right there for him ans now I’m told he struggled a little bit Sunday evening with his breathing and asked my sister for Morphine which Hospice provides when they need it. They have been so helpful and are just wonderful. My sister gave him a liquid dose around 4 pm. He then felt he could sleep then it helped him with his breathing as he was so full of fluid it was putting pressure on his lungs/stomach/ and just painful pressure. My sister said they held his hand and he went into a sleep then noticed his eyes were staring like he was starting to pass. He went into his sleep, took one last breath and then he was gone, I know with the morphine it helped alot, my brother is claustrophobic and believe me he needed all the morphine that my sister could administer for him, without that to help ease the pain and anxiety they will not be restful, so please provide them with morphine that also helps them relax so that they may go into a deep sleep. The kidneys are shutting down as well and the liver has no function so the kidneys have to handle all the duties but then they get tired to.

    I need to write all this for other families and loved ones that have no idea what to expect or do like I was. I’m having a hard time dealing with the pain/sorrow knowing this disease has killed him. Time heals all wounds I guess, I am so sad and cant stop crying and trying to cope.

    We need to grieve and mourn and writing here will help me to help others, My brother would of liked that I know he wouldnt want anyone to go threw this agonizing ordeal. No matter how mad/upset with your loved one please know that liver cirrhosis is irreversible and very few get transplants if any. Theres the insurance as well, and having good drs. after it all kicks in there not much Drs can do but send them home to pass away with their families.

    I surely understand and know what this does to kids as well. My son is grieving the loss of his uncle, as my nephews loved their uncle so much he was like a dad to them. My brother was always there and always around for them.

    My sister, is a God send an Angel and has such a wonderful heart. She took care of my brother the most he called for her all the time like she was his personal secretary, maid, chef, hair dresser, she cut his hair in his hosp. bed and shaved his nubs on his face, he hates those, lol.

    Do all you can for them b/c they will be gone and slowly deteriorate and waste away right before your eyes.
    Its a slow agonizing painful death, with much heartache and grief when they pass on. I dont know why they cant do reseach for these people knowing that they cant stop or want to but its to over powering.I know theres no magic pill but some research for cirrhosis, with finding a cure for the liver when it scars up and looses liver cells. Research on ailing livers, ones that need help repairing or something I dont know.
    Its an epodemic in this Country. Alcohol makers know it will kill millions of people, its addictive. Some ppl can quit, others can’t. Most die from cirrhosis but yet there are some people that don’t, those are the lucky ones. We know a guy thats been drinking all his life and still is in small amounts and he shows no signs of cirrhosis. Some ppl are lucky to escape this dreadful disease, others arent so lucky. They to do research on that as well.
    My brother had so much blood drawn from his arms and neck his veins collapsed, They had to put a line in his neck and also threw his upper forearm for the blood tests, poor arms were black/blue/grey/pink/ all shades.Then the open wounds and scars from falling with high ammonia levels.

    Lets not forget that some ppl have cirrhosis with a double whammie, like Hepatitis C which Im hearing makes it worse and more progressive due to it being a virus in the liver. I cant even imagine that but more and more ppl are diagnosed with that on top of cirrhosis.

    God bless you all and many thoughts and prayers for all of you. You can make a difference to them now.
    Amber, I will be praying for you and thinking of you and your Hubby, its a long road ahead of you. May I suggest you write on here and get it all out, share your experience it will be of some comfort to be able to share with other ppl like I have and many others. I didnt want to but I glad I did, didnt think I was able to write on here about my brother, but, again I’m glad I did. Thank you all so much for your prayers, thoughts, condolences, moral support and for any suggestions. Thanks for reading my post about my beloved brother, who meant the world to me.

  • Sandy

    May God be with you and your family during this painful time, his suffering is over and he is in good hands – you will be in my prayers . .


  • Julie

    Julie I am so sorry to hear your family had to go through this. Sorry for your brother that he went through this awful disease. God Bless and take care.

  • Mia

    Hello Julie

    I’m so sorry for your heart ache. It’s such a hard thing to lose a brother or sister. At the end of the day they began their life with you, you’ve played together, laughed, argued shared teenage years , parents and so many of life’s most enormous changes as we grow through years to adults. It amazes me how my brother turned out so different . A far gentler soul. A soul perhaps a little too gentle for the times we live in. He had depression and mental health problems, there were bits and bobs of drugs but nothing major really, not an addict. But I think the very little he took was just enough mixed with a gentle soul, anxiety and depressive moods to alter thd balance of his mind and we lost him when he was only 33. We lost him to a combination of uncomfortable social incidents that weren’t much really, a crazy girlfriend we didn’t know was crazy, a few worries and strangely enough a time when many committ suicide. Just as they seem to be getting better. Suddenly a few events collide and they suddenly feel utter fear at having to keep moving forward more independent but they are too s ared to and realising they can’t go back either. It’s tragic when any person dies too young but I guess what I’m trying to say is that when you come out the other side I hope you will find peace where I found it. In god and in realising we just can’t control anything. Someone might die in a car crash absolutely sobre. Someone from cancer. Someone from just one time drinking or trying a drug just one time. The only difference with the long cruel alcaholic death is that you have painful endless days just wishing and hoping they see the path has to be changed and the frustration they don’t do it in time. But with that alcaholic journey ut does give us time to prepare, time to tell us that after trying everything we did everything. Time to say all you can to change the course. Very few people get that chance. It’s do sad alcaholics don’t realise they can change or believe it or sometimes even want it. But you tried , I tried , hundreds before us and after us tried and will keep trying. It’s all we can do . Font listen to people who say harsh words, if you need to say something try there but for the grace of god go I , turn and walk away . I shocked many many people who could not understand the calm way I accepted my brothers death. I was broken but not angry or desperate which is what is Expected. I told people I was just glad that if life was that impossible and tormented I was glad he found a way out. I truly believe that god would not punish the gentle souls who found this life too harsh. I believe he has taken them to a place that is a more gentle place for them to rest. I wrote a poem for his funeral …. “now rest your tired head dear Nick upon this gentle ground, may now you be at peace, and free, to sleep on safe and sound”

    I’m practicing tough love which sometimes feels more like I’m wealding a very cruel sword on my x boyfriend who is alcahol dependant, drinks all day everyday and can no longer work. I am in recovery clinic for my own journey and I am being as I say very harsh it feels but I still say I love him and without the alcahol it would be different. We parted six weeks ago and today his doctor rang to say he’s called hin to book into detox. In relieved it might save his life, happy we might have a chance , scared he won’t do it and could die, terrified I will never be free from alcahol being the main factor in my life whether he drinks it or not

    I truly and deeply feel for you as losing your brother is a loss that is so hard. Be careful too. Often the mother of the person who dies so young gets all the attention and support with their grief so make sure you have someone to love you too. You can feel guilty as your mum is heartbroken but he was your brother too. Take care to find people just for you do you get all the love you need too

    God bless everyone , anyone can Leave us at anytime So always say goodbye gently but guide where you can with strength and determination not to back down from wanting the best for them

  • Mike

    His death and your pain are not in vain.
    Others will learn and you will teach about it to many.
    God bless you.

  • linda

    I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to u and your family. Your in my thoughts and prays. Thanks for all your post. It helps to have someone to share with.

  • Julie

    Thank you all so very very much. I have 3 other sisters suffering right along with me, my mom and all my family. I directed them to this site. I hope this helps them as it has me.
    God Bless you all, and many hugs. talk soon.

  • Debbi

    By posting the story of your brother’s death you not only help yourself to cope but you are helping many others here. Thank you for sharing. Sometimes those of us that did not see the health repercussions get so mad at our A’s we forget just what awful things can happen, health-wise to them. I’ve heard it said that when someone uses a drug it is like shooting themselves with a rifle (one bullet very accurate, targeting one part of the body). But when someone uses alcohol it is more like shooting yourself with a shotgun which sprays pellets and everyone’s body reacts differently. Some it attacks the liver, some the kidneys, some the stomach, some the joints, some the nerves and some the brain, so you just never know how that alcohol may affect them and sometimes you don’t see the effects right away. Thanks again for being willing to share your story. I know it helped me to find a little more compassion for my exAH who seems to suffer no ill effects yet but was so abusive to me. Your story helped me get some of my compassion back for others.

  • Amber

    I am happy you are sharing your stories but I am also concerned. But I am new at all this. My family doesn’t drink, I think I saw my dad with one beer in my life. I have been married to my husband for 15 years. He fell down some stairs in the middle of the night and got bleeding in the brain. When my husband was in icu the doctor took us in the room and told us do not lie to me how much does he drink. I didn’t follow the question cuz I only see him drink on occassional weekends and holidays with his family.His alcohol level was at .400 at 2:00 in the afternoon when he fell in the middle of the night. The doctor said he should’ve been dead from that but now we needed to be concerned with him making through his withdrawls cuz those may kill him. I was trying to grasp what he was saying cuz I haven’t seen him with a beer for weeks. His accident was May 4th. I feel like I have been living a nightmare. I didn’t know what a function alcoholic was until a few months ago. My brother in laws went through the house to try to find what he was drinking. There were beer can’s in the ceiling tiles, furnace room, medicine cabinet and big drum size garbage bags filled with crushed cans in the shed. The husband who I thought I knew before the accident no longer exists. He is now a brain injured alcoholic. Who lies a sneaks money to get the next fix. Now I know what a functioning alcoholic is. That is how I can tell he has been drinking, when he drinks he functions when he is not drinking he just lingers around the house. I do not know what to do. I need answers. I thought the accident opened his family’s eyes but they believe him when he tell them he is not drinking. I know he is drinking. I find the beer cans all over now, money keeps disappearing from my girls and the money I try to hide. One night I called the sheriff cuz he was acting all crazy, I needed to know if it was his brain injury or him being drunk. He test at a .182. I had them take him to detox. That was the second time I called. The 1st time I called I caught him drinking so I called his family to help me and he was so mad that I called. It is hard to deal with a brain injured alcoholic. His step dad got to the house So the sheriff thought it would be a good idea if they took him. But that didn’t go the way I planned when I reached out for them to help me. All they did was blame me for him drinking. Cause he had access to the vehicle and money. To this day I have no idea when and how he paid for the beer. That is why I didn’t call them the second time he got drunk and I had the sheriff take him to detox. Instead of blaming me him for his drinking this time they thought I was crazy for sending him to detox and believed him when he told them he wasn’t drinking. I have reached out to them countless times for them to believe me so we can have an intervention. But they finally quit taking my calls and told my husband that I need to seek professional help and to quit calling or texting them. So now when I catch my husband drinking he denies it and says I really need to see someone. He picked up my daughter and her friends from the pool and my nine year old comes running in and asked is rolling rock a n/a cuz her dad had it in the truck. Then the same daughter opened up to me when I was putting her in bed and said she saw her dad drinking. I was hoping during those times when he wasn’t drinking. Cuz with him and his family saying I am losing it so I think to myself that maybe I am losing it so I believe him when he says he is not drinking. It is misery living with a brain injured alcoholic. I am fighting this battle alone. Now I not only need to worry about him falling again, getting in a car accident killing himself or someone else, going to prison for that. I never thought of worrying about what the alcohol was doing to him health wise. I happy you are opening up like you are but it scares me as well.

  • Ross

    Hi Amber, look up ‘gaslighting.’Although he may not realize what he is doing due to his warped thinking due to injury and the impacton his brain from drinking.Al-anon will help if you arent going already.
    im sure his family do not understand the dynamics, most likely, of his disease.i think there needs to be more education about the disease.hang in there.healing begins with you…

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