Self-control is one of the most difficult things to master in our lives when we are dealing with someone who is constantly doing things that upset us. After years of fighting, I finally learned many reasons why the alcoholic in my life makes me so angry at times. Getting upset with someone on a continual basis is not good for us emotionally.
You can learn how to stop getting mad at the person who is addicted to alcohol in your life. Once you master these techniques, you will experience a level of peace and serenity that perhaps you have not enjoyed for a long time. Much of our frustration, stems from trying to control an alcoholic. We generally end up really mad because they aren’t living their life the way we think they should be.
There are four things that I do to control my anger around the addict in my life. These are extremely important to grasp and it is wise to begin putting them into practice right away.
Four ways to better control not getting mad:
1) Refuse to talk with the alcoholic when you are angry-This is going to take some practice. If you can make up your mind to “never argue with an alcoholic,” then you’ve won one forth of the battle. By learning how to not throw gas on the fire, the blaze will eventually die out.
Here are a few things you can say when you begin to get mad at the alcoholic in your life.
A) “I don’t care to discuss that right now”-If they bring up something that really seems like it’s going to turn into a blowout fight, refuse to talk about it at that moment. Especially if they have been drinking and are in an unreasonable mood, this is no time to talk about important things. Learning to communicate with an alcoholic takes practice. Here are a few ideas that can help.
B) “I’m sorry you feel that way”-When the alcoholic expresses something that you do not agree with, just tell them that you’re sorry they feel that way and leave it at that.
C) “I’m not going to argue with you”- This is a strong boundary that can be set with just a few simple words. Once you draw the line, stick to your decision.
2) Talk to someone else when you get frustrated at them-This is one of my greatest assets I have when the alcoholic makes me mad. I exercise self-control by not blasting the problem drinker with all of the negative emotions I am feeling at the moment. Then, immediately, I start calling friends that I have made in the Al-anon program who understand the anger that I am feeling at that moment and unload it all on them.
3) Attend support group meetings regularly-It’s important to get involved in a support group of people who are dealing with or have learned how to deal with the emotional roller-coaster of anger and anxiety that is common among alcoholic relationships. I highly recommend the Al-anon program because it is a fellowship of people who understand exactly what you are dealing with. Oftentimes, I find exactly what I need to calm down my emotions in a meeting. The great thing about being a part of this particular fellowship is that meetings are being held in many different places in my city during all times of the day.
4) Stop repeating yourself- Say things once when a discussion starts getting fired up with the alcoholic. If you have to remind them of what you said previously, say something like:
A) “I already told you how I feel about that.”
B) “I explained that to you already.”
C) “I’m sorry you fell tat way.”
Remember this, saying NO to an alcoholic can be done without having to explain why you said no.
An alcoholic involved in our lives will continue to make us mad that’s a fact that we cannot avoid. We can choose to respond differently in order to protect ourselves from getting mad at the person we love when they are acting inappropriately. Learning ways to have more self-control is going to take practice. You can stop getting frustrated all of the time, I promise. Make sure that you go easy on yourself and remember that you can start over every time that you fail. Just accept the fact that you messed up, make an amend to the person you got angry with and acted inappropriately toward and begin with a new attitude. Get involved with group of people today whose primary purpose is to help friends and family members of alcoholics.
Living with an alcoholic, whose 42 yr old daughter moved in with us and has stayed a full year, then her daughter moved in and has cancer. These are the alcoholic’s children. The apple did not fall far from the tree and the 42 year old is a recovering meth user and Granddaughter is addicted to prescription pain pills. Guess what folks they can get this stuff easily. They lost their cars and apartments living any where they could find to rest up for another day of partying. Just this week I did blow my gasket at all of them. Words flew out of my mouth I didn’t recognize all that I said till several hours went by. I know I did the wrong thing in handling the issues that were bothering me so immensely. Yet, I also knew I needed to remain strong on all levels. My AH spouse called a family meeting because things were so bad between all of us that he could not drink the issues away. I was surprised. We had rules. Each person
has the opportunity to speak and not be interrupted. We then could rebuttal each individuals troubles and
find out what was going on with each one. Well, it boiled down to the lack of responsible decisions they were making, the lack of help I had around the house. It was a rough evening because I was still mad as hell but I did control it. This kind of result is so rare when dealing with addiction. I really did not intend to blow up like that but I just could not take any more. Things are a little more relaxed and they are helping around here and working harder at their addiction and working their programs. I know this was not the recommendation on how to handle a bad situation but in the end (this one time) it did make a difference. With all the addiction this is the peace before another storm. But, there are a few positive results from all of this. We are trying harder.
I can only imagine how hard it must be for you living under those conditions . The constant starin and pressure would make anyone blow up. You are only human after all . Its imperative that you have your own outlet to cope. SOME KAREN time every day. I hope you manage to keep going. Im glad you got a good response this time too. You deserve it. What a crazy messed up world
i need some help. My husband is an alcoholic. I’m having a very hard time dealing with his decision to continue drinking. I love him with all my heart and don’t want to leave him, but he constantly chooses alcohol over me. I don’t know how to deal with this, it hurts so bad. How do I explain or show him how badly this hurts without causing another argument?