Alcoholics Blaming Others for Their Problems

One of the behavior patterns of an addict is blaming others. Alcoholics are not exempt from this character defect. It’s not until people get into recovery that they begin to grasp what it means to take responsibility for their own behaviors.

Why do people with addictions do things such as judge and criticize others?

Basically, someone who is struggling with an addiction has a very difficult time looking at the real person on the inside. It’s easier to point the fingers at everything and anybody who can take the blame rather than them having to.

What accompanies the blame game that the alcoholic doesn’t really realize they are playing with family and friends?

Alcoholic Pointing FingerWell, generally there is anger that goes along with the alcoholic who is blaming others for their problems. They will get mad at the power company for turning off their power and say that they are unjust, even though the electric company gave them a one month grace period. They will blame their spouse for the pool being filled with green algae because they did not have any money to purchase chlorine. Yet, every day they were able to purchase two packs of smokes and a twelve pack of beer.

It’s not an uncommon thing for them to imply that they told someone a particular thing when they never did, just to get themselves off of the hook.

Deep down inside they really don’t want to be the way that they are, but the power that the alcohol has over their lives greatly affects their behavior. They will even blame the outcome of things to be related to the alcohol that they consume. This may be very true, but using alcohol as an excuse is not ever acceptable behavior.

How to deal with an alcoholic who is constantly blaming others for their problems

I would highly suggest that the phrase “I’m sorry you feel that way” become a part of your daily lifestyle when you are conversing with an addict who is constantly blaming everything on others. If the blame is directed toward you, this phrase is a mighty tool to deflect things right off of you when they do this. You will find several other phrases here: Communicating With An Alcoholic.

By saying “I’m sorry you feel that way” it keeps us from reacting to the lies that they throw at us. If they are blaming us for the pool being green with algae, instead of us defending ourselves and pointing the finger at them, by saying: “well, if you didn’t spend all of your money on beer…”, we put an end to the thing immediately by communicating more strategically.

When we react to the blame game, then there is just too much room for an argument. Trust me, things will be a lot quieter around the house if we do not confront the lies that accompany the blame they hurl upon us. This is all apart of learning how to handle an alcoholic.

It’s a rare thing for addicts or alcoholics to take responsibility for the things that they are personally doing wrong. They feel so bad about themselves already because they drink all the time that somehow blaming others for all of their problems helps them to feel OK about themselves. The best thing that can be done, if you are coping with someone who is constantly blaming others for things, is to adapt my favorite saying, “I’m sorry you feel that way.”


364 comments to Alcoholics Blaming Others for Their Problems

  • Tendai

    Dear Andrea

    I do not understand alcoholics but I live with an alcoholic who steals, lies and I do not know if he even feels remorse for the lies and pain he causes to us. I stick around for the children’s sake. Alcoholics live in a world of their own, a world we can never understand. I think that deep down it is sort of an escape for them. My husband has been unemployed for 4 years now. He constantly steals to go drinking, crashed my car twice in the space of four months, comes and goes as he likes, ignores my calls when he is out but if we fail to answer his call to open the door he berates and rants like a mad man. I cant write some of the things he has done to make me miserable but what pains me so much is the fear of not knowing where he is. Worrying about someone who doesn’t worry in return. I would cry a lot, be so afraid and depressed but now I don’t worry so much. As long as he comes back home I will just wait and see. At the end of the day our children adore him and he loves them, but not enough to sober up for their sake. Its a hard knock life, living with an alcoholic and sadly you can never tell that your life would wind up this way.

  • sue

    If they wont help themselves why should you suffer there bad behavior leave

  • Lela

    I live with an alcoholic. He is changes is mood from day to
    day! One day he loves me and I’m the best thing that ever happen to him then I make him so miserable. He messages other females trying to hook up with them. When confronted about it all he does is lie. I do everything for him. Clean the house cook dinner take care of the kids. When he needs something I do it. He blames everything negative that happens in our lives on the fact that I make him miserable. Personally I think he is miserable with hisself!! He wants to destroy our family!! We have kids to think about but all he is thinking about is himself!!! He makes alcohol his God. Nothing comes before it! I’m afraid he is about to kick me and my kids out because of his issues!! Don’t know what to do!!!

  • Leslie

    Hi Lela I’m so sorry for what you are going through. I am going through the same with my 35 year old son. He makes alcohol his God too. I have been going through this with him for 10 years. I finally have to give to God and trust him for the outcome. Please read the book called Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend.

  • Hi. I have come from a family of alcoholic and now have a boyfriend who is one.
    There is not a way to stop him from drinking until he goes to AA. The attitudes along with verbal abuse are very hard to take.
    I can only say to use the tools given in this article and go to Al anon for your sanity

  • Tina

    My father was an alcoholic and he blamed my mother for everything wrong in his life and also blamed her when we misbehaved by beating her when he would come home drunk. I could not understand why she didn’t leave him her answer was she stayed because of us can you understand how that makes a child feel knowing that the abuse your mother was going though was because of her children. I told her we would be alright without him but she would leave only to come back when he lied that he was sorry and would never hurt her again. The abuse did finally stop when he was murdered in a tavern. Believe me when I say a mother doesn’t have to sacrifice her safety so her children’s Father can be in their lives. Now some 40 odd years after my father’s murder I’ve been dealing with my sons drug addiction the majority of his life and I if it where my husband I would have no problem whatsoever leaving him where ever his drunken self fell but its not my husband its my adult child who has abused himself so much that he doesn’t control his type 1 diabetes and now is on dialysis and I keep trying to help and it has destroyed my family and any other relationship I have tried to have I’m at my end of my rope. I’ve had to deal with someone addiction all my life,will it end with someone else dying again.

  • Ken

    My partner drinks heavily and I think he is in reality a alcoholic. His behavior is horrible and he twists things that are said to him. I try to be calm and patient but when the tirade lasts 4-8 hours I grow tired and when he says terrible hurtful things I eventually lash out verbally. Then the issue from his side is my anger of response for the next few days. It is his behavior that eventually breaks me down to react in a not so nice way. Do alcoholics change the topic and blame a response for everything? I try to be calm but when he throws things, makes up lies and says hurtful things eventually I can no longer remain silent. If I could step away from him it might be easier but unfortunately that is not always possible.

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  • Kevin

    Hi, yes living with an Alcoholic My father was an angery drunk got worse, never hit use but verbilly damaging, effects from took me down road self esteem etc, then drink/ topped up weed drugs.til i crashed hit bottom/ If you lov your kids leav run as fast as you can, we stayin just enables them to abuse use destroy kids inner beings better be happy 1 perant.. The Cunning bafflig behavior to get what they want, 100% controlers. After effects from on the poor children can be life long.. RUN .. I done Prison service 7 years most from familys drink drugs daage done, { my Dad did give up AA back to being truely my dad .
    My son has the family jean, drinking, yep here we go again, part from mothers behavior lace curtain drinker, birds feather Ie me drinking outta control when meet, Mothers controing effects had on him, but he is an alcholic end, plus damage done from mothers drinking.I left her when i got came to AA. I had to worked away at sea, from home most my life to pay bills etc.Bit denile in what was going on when home, now home COVID see damage done horrafied, blessing is Iam able to be here, age miricals isnt oover Yet. My Son just cant doesnt want to join the dots drinking effects from, warning signs, his behavior consoquesnces from, to him are minor,he thnks. PAIN HAS NO MEMORTIE.. Ok seen my son on streets unwashed bottle in his hand in a doorway 1 afternoon, so young hearth breaking my baby so to speak 26 YOA.Kid, yet full of himself blind drunk. but he cant keep doing it, i get to the point enoughs enough, then
    another door I closes on him his actions in house, I let go off him bit by bit, by doing this i dont feel so bad as such tough love but i have to get to point enoughs enough and try mean it. He knows when i mean it. cunning baffling they are, yet the age miricals isnt over, they are so so ill, yet if it was cancer people be at door flowers grapes get well cards, booze only one at door is police. They have been great, in some ways but they want an arrest then to charge son.
    Thier is Help out thier, but a warm bed food not working stealin booz, gets puff, life we all like for free..

    enoughs enough another door I shut on him, I let go off, so many try help for years they know play use us use 100% know what they are doing to get what they want, God forbis if they dont get it. Thiers lots help on streets but they need to be in place thier rock bottom. Let go Let God, enoughs enough, I let go bit more age miricals isnt over yet. God bless familys with an an Alcoholic we lov .. HEROS all you.. God Bless yu all.. Al Anon phone line & meetings been great help..

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