An Alcoholic With an Arrogant Attitude is Trouble

I learned how to deal with an arrogant alcoholic so that I would not get a bad attitude like theirs. I have no trouble at all protecting my serenity now. My story before learning how to deal with the negative behaviors that problem drinkers have was one of frustration and despair. There is hope for the hopeless, those of us who love the people in our lives who have horrible attitudes because of the drinking problem. I discovered my answers in AA and Ala-non.

First let me just say that you are never going to be able to please them. Their anger will rage no matter what. One day they complain about one thing and the next something completely different. The reason for this is one of the major symptoms of the disease is keeping those around them anxious and angry. If they can cause us to get upset with them then the focus is on our horrible behavior not theirs. This is one of the ways that they feed the arrogant attitude that they have. If it’s always your fault then you are the looser, not them. Alcoholics placing blame on those around them is one of their characteristics.

I would suggest starting a journal and keep it in a safe place where no one can find it. Everyday begin to log what has happened in the alcoholic relationship chaos of your life. As you do this be very aware of the things that are happening to set off the furry of the arrogance in them. I’ll bet that not long after you begin to keep your journal, you will start seeing how they push your buttons.

alcoholic is a jerkOnce you have an understanding of the buttons that are being pushed on a regular basis, you can then stop responding to the arrogant attempts to get you mad and upset. An arrogant alcoholic is not worth losing your peace and serenity over. Once you start recognizing the things that they are deliberately doing to get the focus off of them and onto your bad behavior, you will start having more self control over your own actions.

You see, it is your choice to buy into arguing with an alcoholic or not. It always takes two to fight. Let me make a few suggestions that are guaranteed to help you stay out of trouble I the area of relations with the problem drinker in your life.

1)The next time the try to start an argument, tell them; “I am sorry you feel that way.” This will stop them dead in their tracks.
2)If they persist, politely tell them that you are not going to argue with them.
3)When they continue to try to push your buttons, tell them that you do not care to discuss the matter right now.
4)Go into another room, shut the door and lock it behind you. Make sure that you have a book, TV to watch or a radio to listen to for a while. A computer that has access to the Internet is a great way to pass some time while you are avoiding feeding their arrogant attitude.

arrogant upper class alcoholicThis article may help as well: How To Stop Confronting An Alcoholic

Just about all alcoholics have a very arrogant side to them that causes them to get into all kinds of trouble. You must learn how to protect yourself from arguing with them or allowing them to belittle you and put you down. Understand this, you are not a horrible person. They are not either. They are just very sick from the disease of alcoholism.

Get help by attending Al-anon meetings in your area. While you are learning to make changes as you continue in support group meetings and reading literature, you will begin to lose your arrogant attitude towards the problem drinker in your life. They will still try their darnedest to get you upset, but you will begin to have the upper hand on not arguing and fighting anymore.

17 comments to An Alcoholic With an Arrogant Attitude is Trouble

  • Claudia

    That’s all well and good and it is a helpful article, but the alcoholic loser in MY life is someone I could not care less about (since his brother is my partnenr so infact he’s in my life in some way whether I like it or not) so I am not looking to ease them out of their “disease” if that’s the excuse they want to use for their DELIBERATLY appalling, nasty behaviour. It is a well known fact that miserable people do not like it when others are happy and seem to think that no one else has the right to be content when THEY are not. That’s what I** is like. He’s my partnenr’s brother, and while I love my partner and his family very much, I have no time or respect for the alcoholic loser that he is…. He deliberately upsets people for no reason at all and I knew even before I had read this article that the deliberate act of upsetting people was a cover up for his own denial of how much of a nasty loser he really is, I will NOT play up to his evilness and put myself in any situation. When he starts on ME, I tell him he’s a loser and that I have no intention of wasting MY precious time on things like him, and for him to piss off, before belittling HIM back! That usually shuts the fucker up and he slopes off to his dark miserable corner (on a nice sunny day when he’s slouching in the lounge with the curtains closed). PATHETIC. alcoholics need to be turfed out! Not mothered and tolerated, because their family act as enablers and all the time they treat them with sympathy and kid gloves, they are making them worse and excusing their foul bahaviour! Being cruel to be kind is the best remedy all round. I will definitely not let myself be used and abused simply because they want you to think they have a “DISEASE”! Not MY problem. I didn’t cause it so I don’t see why I or anyone else has to bear the brunt of their viciousness. Once people start using the “disease” excuse, what next? Paedophiles try it to get away with their crimes against defenceless children and murderers use the insanity plea to get away with murder! “Disease” my f**king arse!

  • Francesca

    I agree with Claudia. I have an extremely abusive alcoholic sister. She intimidated and pushed around my mother and I. She beat the shit out of me from adolescence through age 38 when I finally hit her back. My mother and I learned how to be helpless. She is so conceited that she thinks that we had to listen to her and obey her and her rules and that only she is right all the time. Through her brainwashing she made us think that we could not survive without her. She mentally, emotionally, economically (stealing), and physically abused me. I suffer from major depression and so did mom. Mom recently died of a heart attack- she was a chain smoker and told me she could not stop due to her anxiety over my sisters continuing behavior. My sister got married8 years ago but that did not stop her from coming around and starting trouble and blowing the roof off the house as usual. She is successful and an excellent schoolteacher. She coerced my mother to take my name of as beneficiary to her assets. Her and my brother- who is also abusive inherited more money because they got my share. I am a nurse and took care of mom all my life. My sister would blow a fit if I asked her for help- it was beneath her. She wasn’t interested in mom’s health but took a big interest in her finances. She made sure mom would not spend money on me and she monitored mom’s spending-not to mention that she would steal some money from mom’s pension checks. There is a lot of devastation that alcoholics create in others. I suffer from depression and Post traumatic Stress Syndrome. If I didn’t have her for a sister my life would have been much different. I would have had more confidence, been successful and not have a mental illness. I know this because I’ve been told that I was a good child with a cute personality and happy. At times I wasn’t happy but confused over my sisters behavior. She threw my fathers barber scissor at my head when I was 5 years old and it missed and stuck to the linoleum thank God. As we grew I thought she was just mean but a cousin alerted me to her alcoholism. Now we are in our fifties and she is still abusing me. I also have High blood pressure and diabetes and gatric erosions and GERD. The ones who need the friends are the victims who fall prey to these alcoholics.

  • Francesca

    After all these years I royally got screwed by my sister. Now that there is no reason to be around her because Mom died, the final abuse was taking my inheritance away. How do I get my inheritance back? Also there is no hope for her- she’s been drinking since she was a teenager and due to her arrogance she has been spoiled by my mother and gotten everything she ever wanted in life. Her alcoholism has given her many gains- so why should she stop? I am willing to let it go about the money because she is so conniving that I am afraid of more trouble and stress with her and I don’t want to have a stroke or heart attack like mom had (both). Also I have always been afraid that she might kill me one day- as she has threatened me after giving me a beating in the past. I know that would be the ultimate high for her since she would be gloating and smiling watching me cower in a fetal position and cry after one of her beatings. My life would be less stressful if she simply dropped dead!

  • Francesca

    Now that there is no reason to be around her because Mom died, the final abuse was taking my inheritance away. How do I get my inheritance back? Also there is no hope for her- she’s been drinking since she was a teenager and due to her arrogance she has been spoiled by my mother and gotten everything she ever wanted in life. Her alcoholism has given her many gains- so why should she stop? I am willing to let it go about the money because she is so conniving that I am afraid of more trouble and stress with her and I don’t want to have a stroke or heart attack like mom had (both). Also I have always been afraid that she might kill me one day- as she has threatened me after giving me a beating in the past. I know that would be the ultimate high for her since she would be gloating and smiling watching me cower in a fetal position and cry after one of her beatings. My life would be less stressful if she simply dropped dead!

  • al

    Francesca, keep healthy boundaries and know the traps they might set for you. Look after yourself! This site has some great advise. A court case maybe the only way to get your share of inheritance. All the best.

  • Francesca

    Thank you Al. I just pray a lot to keep my depression and anxiety level managed. I try not to think of my sister- just hearing her name scares me. Sometimes people mention her and I get a sinking sick feeling. She is such a fucking phony that she is now writing about mom’s Sicilian recipes when she couldn’t stand to stay at home and learn or watch mom cook-it makes me sick! I spent most of my time with mom, helping her cook, clean the house etc. She had no patience for mom and would abuse and degrade her too! She just keeps getting more industrious-doing positive things for herself- and moving ahead with a clear conscience. If I was her I wouldn’t be able to look at myself in the mirror knowing how I destroyed lives. I can’t wait until she drops dead- but I will probably go before her with all my stress related illnesses. My depression holds me back from moving forward but at least I don’t have to worry about my conscience too much. I am waiting one more year and after that if I can’t afford a lawyer I will go to the media to tell them that a sole caretaker-a Nurse- has been cheated out of her inheritance by her family members. Nurses are often abused by alcoholics. This is such a familiar theme with us nurses- This is going to stop! The one that does all the work gets the finger! I will start a new law that protects caretakers. Fuck the Alcoholics!

  • Gabby

    Can someone expand on this idea of their arrogant attitude with specifics of their behavior. Would this cause them to do things like illegal activities, stealing, stalking, physical abuse? Are they able to get others to join in on this? Even those who are not A’s? I am very curious as to how far some of them will go. Do they all have this arrogant attitude? Is it a common behavior for all A’s or just some? Would really appreciate more on this subject.

  • SC

    Gabby, Some articles that my help you find some answers. Just, copy and paste in google. The first one is all about the arrogant attitude and common behavior of A. Hope this has some answers for you…it did for me.

    Classic Alcoholic Behavior – Alcoholics Information / Alcoholics

    Learn About Alcoholism and Marriage

    Truth About Alcoholics by David J Carey

    Alcohol and Personality 123helpme
    This was written by an A (always good to hear what the A thinks about self)

    Frontal Lobes of the Brain

  • SC

    This link is easier to read. Sorry

    The Truth About Alcoholics and Alcoholism ezinzrticles

    David J Carey

  • SC

    I found an article that my be of interest.
    I am dealing with someone in my life that is NOT an A but acts like one. They did come from an A childhood. This article has given me some peace as to how to handle this person. Enjoyable read too.

    How to Deal With Impossible People

  • Linda

    The arrogant attitude only gets worse . My A of 33 years claims he has been clean for over 1 year not so sure because its the same actions as when he’s using. smug , argumentive , I find as long as I don’t share my feelings their is know arguments. This in turn keeps us in denial. Can’t get them in reality . This A has told so many lies they really believe them. The A can’t stand if we are Happy. Remember ACTIONS speak louder than WORDS. I left this A words bring me back after leaving for 1 year. If you get out DON”T LEAVE WORDS BRING YOU BACK TO THIS HELL>

  • Debbi

    Don’t be hard on yourself. It sounds like you put up with your A for 33 years, realized what was going on and got the courage to leave. Then as a lot of A’s do, he claimed to you he had stopped drinking to get you back and so you did because he deceived you–they are good at that. You made no mistake going back other than now you are sure he was not telling you the truth and now you know that. You had a learning experience and if you got out before, I know you will do it again and this time move on. And yes, they do believe their own lies. Mine used to say “it’s not a lie if I believe it to be true”. How I wished I listened more closely to that statement before I married him. I don’t know too much about your A but mine hid the drinking so well I’m still to this day not sure if that was the cause but the last five years I saw drinking every day. Doesn’t take much on a daily basis to cause the behavior you saw in yours also. Please stay strong and you can survive. My thoughts are with you.

  • Linda

    Thanks for the encouragement. This A tells you one thing and action tell another. This A had or is still having affair at work with his boss. I believe she has become his addiction or enabler. Words say Can’t stand to be at work, but runs out the door. Had to go to her yesterday and apologize for a statement he made. That was more important than to apologize to me about her involvement last year. Has not convince me their affair is not over. Can’t talk to me about it just gets angry at me. what’s me to deny my feels. Can’t do it anymore. Thanks for leaving me vent. and have a good day…….

  • If you live with an Alcoholic nothing you do or say will stop them drinking. Alcoholics can and will defend their Alcoholic drinking until death or insanity. And along with this comes the manipulation, lies, violence and discontent with everything and everybody. You can suggest to them to get help and the family members need emotional help also. So if you plan in remaining with an active Alcoholic there is only one choice. Alcoholics Anonymous and Al-Anon. The latter. being for family members of Alcoholics. The Alcoholic themself has to have a desire to stop drinking. And usually this cannot happen until they are at their own personal rock bottom? An Alcoholic needs help they cannot do it on their own. The only people that can understand the are Re-covering Alcoholics.And it is then up to them what they want to do . If you live with an Alcoholic who won’t stop drinking you have two options..get them to re-hab or phone the AA help line or get them to the nearest AA meeting.I have lived with Alcoholics, and am a recovering Alcoholic myself. It took me 35 years to get sobr.Ans I have been for 7 years. I can say that this is an illness like no other. I read the comments above, and I sympathise with anyone who has an active Alcoholic in their life. .And I also read the hatred that Alcoholism causes. I myself for my own peace of mind cannot be around heavy drinkers or active Alcoholism. Alcoholism is AN illness. How would any person knowingly put themselves through the hell that alcohol brings. It’s insidious and is progresive . It effects every class and colour. It has no boundaries. So far there is no cure. But it can be arrested one day a a time thru going to AA.It is a Spiritual , mentally and physical malady. It is a living hell for all and an addiction that becomes a compultion.. And 9 out of 10 times the Alcoholic will not know why they’re drinking. This is the way I see it. Alcoholic Men and Women have been wired up wrongly..they are scared of life and its responsibilities. So we have to be taught so we can become teachable. We have a 12 step programme which enables us to be like ‘normal people’ Life has to be dealt with, it’s day to day problems and responsibilities dealt with..without a drink. Ad this is just one of the many things AA has to offer. Al-Anon is there to offer wives, husbands, sons and daughter how to live again after the trauma of living with an Alcoholic. Of course it’s not every Alcoholic that can accept the fact that they are Alcoholics. And you need to leave them to go their own way. And thats how it is.And they have the choice of getting better But I have managed through AA and the friends that I have there ,to be a loving responsible poroductive member of society. Best Wishes Jackie.

  • Been with my GF “A” for over a year now and it’s getting unbearable she’s 41 and getting worse and worse, blaming everything and everyone and swearing constantly gets really violent not so much at home (although it’s occurred if I’ve bitten at an argument) I’m a recovering addict from H and crack and I was a binge drinker I am clean off everything I can’t stand the smell of the booze on her breath we did make a pack to give up the drugs together. I’m not 100% of her commitment not whilst her being fully blown A is in full force .. as an ex drinker I still don’t get how people past 40 something don’t just get fed up and tired of drinking so much booze and feeling like crap each and every day it just felt so overrated to me in the end ,, maybe this relationship is at it’s end but I fear the fallout and reaction if I were to finally pluck up the courage but I’d make her homeless in the process I’ve too big a heart to do that

  • I can see how my A has control over me. His attitude is terrible. I feel like a child who is getting scolded all the time. I can never have n adult conversation with him. I am miserable. I have the hope he will get help. I’ve been here 1 yr. Everyone I go to break up w him I cave in

  • Makarena

    I grew up in an erratic home. Mood swings, feelings & emotions were not to be tolerated. A normal characteristic; such as being a sensitive child with their heart on their shoulder was a target for being the scape goat. There was also violence amongst ourselves, no boundaries to personal space, no Set rules – each day/week they were re-set, depending on how they felt. Focus in the home was more on what you did wrong…as soon as you walked into the room – I became a paranoid person when anyone stared at me too long. The classic; walking away from you, voice growing fainter while telling you all the sins you’ve committed. Trying to be perfect/act abnormally quiet and robotic, cause it seems nothing you do is good enough. When you finally grow out of trying to please them, you rebel instead; against the world….and then forgetting why you were rebelling in the first place. Growing up angry and full of unrequented rage – and not knowing why? As an adult, running around – without being asked – doing everything for everyone, then receiving no thanks. Seem to choose friends/partners that are quiet/moody/few words/charming/helpless/gossiper/slanderer/lier/needy/manipulative/helpless/victim/blamer/philanderer/perceived arrogance/materialistic/wanting to buy and own things they’ve always fantasised about having/wanting to be admired/wanting your undivided attention…….when I meditated into it, I associated with behaviours in people I learnt growing up in a dysfunctional home. Instead of running from it, I recreated it in my adult life. I’m getting group help these days, now on my 5th year. Healing has been progressive, but my life is slowly experiencing the peace within that we should ALL get to own. Thank You.

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