“Needing to have chaos in my life, I consistently am attracted to alcoholics.” This is a statement that a friend recently made during a twelve step group meeting. As I thought about it, I recalled several occasions when others had made similar comments. Most people who have a drinking problem can be an absolute blast to be with, but on the other side of all of that fun there lurks verbal, mental and sometimes physical abuse.
Believe it or not, people can become addicted to having constant turmoil in their lives. When things are going well, they can open themselves up to accepting unacceptable behavior so that things will be a little more chaotic.
Read on because you will get some good pointers on handling these toxic relationships.
The Chaos of being with an alcoholic manifests itself in many different ways. There are broken engagements and plans. Repeatedly phone calls do not get returned. Promises are made and then promises are broken. They disappear for several days without even calling and then suddenly reappear into our lives like nothing ever happened. Very often they are broker than broke and constantly asking for money.
It can be the wildest ride you have ever experienced with any human being.
Don’t fret though. There are people who understand your struggles with these relationships with others suffering from the disease of alcoholism. By attending Al-anon meetings, you will find very similar stories as to the ones I briefly mentioned above. Even though we all have unique lives and happenings, coping with the chaos associated with being with an alcoholic is basically the same.
Here are a few pointers:
Learn to steer clear of unhealthy relationships. After attending a few alcoholism support meetings you will eventually learn many of the warning signs that accompany the alcoholics personality. Things like broken engagements and unanswered phone calls will quickly become warning signs that this relationship could turn out to be chaotic.
Right up front start setting boundaries with the alcoholic when they begin to display dysfunctional behavior. If allowed to treat you like a door matte for any length of time, they will have little respect for you at all as your relationship develops. Frankly, most people who are active in their addictions will just bread chaos even if you set boundaries with them. When you get educated as to how disrespectful they can be, you begin to stop expecting them to treat you with respect.
This is just how relationships with problem drinkers work. They rarely ever change. So, we have to make changes to protect our emotions.
We learn how to deal with the chaos associated with having a relationship with an alcoholic through attending organizations like Al-anon. By participating in twelve step meetings we learn how to detach from an alcoholic.
You can refuse to have an argument with them and this will defuse the chaos. It takes two people to have a disagreement. When one person in the relationship decides to not be a part of the chaotic moment, then there’s little arguing and fighting that goes on. Sure, the addict might get mad, but at least you won’t be upset with them.
There are hundreds of different scenarios that people find themselves in when trying to remain in an alcoholic relationship. The best advice I can give you is to get involved with some type of group that can help you learn about the disease of alcoholism. This is where you will get the tools that you need to deal with the chaos associated with having a dysfunctional relationship.