Sometimes alcoholics can do the stupidest things. This is why we live in constant turmoil. We never know what is going to happen next that will rock the boat of our lives. I learned how to handle my emotions during difficult times when the alcoholic in my life was out of control through a lot of practice.
Did you catch that? I’ve had a lot of practice with these unexpected situations that seem to arise when we have relationships with addicts.
I’ll never forget the time when my alcoholic spouse stayed up all night with two friends. They were having a mini-party in our home. I was asleep and unaware that they had come to the house to pursue their adventurous evening.
In the wee hours of the morning, they decided to go for a swim. One thing led to another and my wife and her girlfriend decided to shave the guy’s back who was partying with them.
They got the shaving cream and razors out, then they completely shaved the guys back and chest. Now get this, they did it in our pool. This was not a young man we are talking about here. He had a ton of hair on his body.
The following day when I went out test the chemicals and attended to whatever needed attention, I discovered the disgusting mess they had made. Can you imagine how furious I was when I saw the cream and hair all stuck to the tiles just along the water line? They had taken my gorgeous pool and turned it into a wreck.
I had to do three things:
- Not react in anger and wait until I calmed down to figure out how to address the situation
- Decide exactly what I was going to say to my wife about the incident
- Look for the right opportunity to set the boundary with her about what had just happened
These are the types of out of control behaviors we have to deal with when we have active alcoholics in our lives.
Just the other day a good friend was telling me about a relative who stole their roommates car and then got into an accident. It was a hit and run situation. You just never know what they are going to do next.
How do we handle these shocking events that occur in our lives?
No matter how much we try to control an alcoholic and situations relating to their lives, we find that that we have no control over their choices. The harder we try to convince them that they shouldn’t do certain things-the worse our attitude gets when they continue to mess up.
The answers can be found in letting go of trying to control them and accepting things as they are. In the middle of this process, we can set boundaries and let the alcoholics know what is unacceptable behavior. Even with the frustrations associated with dealing with problem drinkers, we can learn how to stay self-controlled, not lose our temper and express our love to them while setting boundaries with alcoholics.
Now, I am not suggesting in any way that unacceptable behavior should be tolerated. You better believe I had conversation with my wife about the condition of the pool. I told her in a very calm way that I would appreciate it if she would take the party to someone else’s home and destroy their things rather than ours.
Did she listen or even heed what I had suggested? NO!
How did I handle the next incident when she invited friends over to party at our home? The following day, I simply reminded her of the boundary I had previously set. I didn’t have to get angry, shout and holler. No, I just said: “I asked you when you had the party in the pool to stop partying in our home and go elsewhere. Don’t bring the party in our home anymore!”
After she crossed the boundary several times and I continued to reinforce the line in a kind, yet firm way, she eventually started taking the party to someone else’s home. The results of my efforts created more peace in “my” house.
Do you need help living with an alcoholic? Sign-up for the mini-course in the sidebar to learn more about setting boundaries.
You see, once we declare that the out of control behavior is not welcome in the home, all we have to do is remind them of the boundary. If they continue to disrespect us, we can consider laying down an ultimatum.
You don’t want to ever put an ultimatum on the table unless you are sure you are ready to follow through with what you have said to them.
You will never have control over what an alcoholic does. You can have control over how you respond to the things that they do. Remember, an alcoholic spouse will not quit drinking until they hit bottom. In the meantime, we focus on learning how to enjoy life and be more self-controlled in this difficult situation.
You can learn proven methods of how to handle alcoholic relationships by starting with our Free email mini-course. The guidelines we teach will help you handle your out of control situation in a better way than you have been.
How To Handle An Alcoholic Who Steals
Been robbed by someone who is drinking lately? How do you handle protecting yourself from the alcoholic who steals. Thieves cannot and must not be tolerated! They must immediately suffer the consequences of their actions. I’m not saying have them arrested, although that is something that should be considered. At the very least, perhaps a police report should be made that someone ripped you off.
People who are bad alcoholics or addicts will take just about anything from anyone to get what their bodies are addicted to. Even if they are your children, spouse, nephew or cousin this won’t stop them. Even brothers and sisters will steal from you when they are in their addictive state.
If the person is living with you or staying in an extra house you own, tell them to move out if they are freeloading and not paying for all of the expenses they agreed to pay. This is a form of stealing from you. When people do not handle their contracts properly and you have to foot the bill, the chances are good that they will never pay you back. Get them out of the situation quickly before things get worse.
Oh, and get yourself to an Al-anon meeting. This is the best place on earth to learn how to set boundaries for people who are battling alcohol.
How to handle this emotionally is an entirely different subject than protecting your physical belongings for someone who is a thief. Oftentimes the person who is battling with the drinking problem is a close relative or even best friend. This can help you answer the question,why do alcoholics alcoholics steal?.
We must learn how to set boundaries and protect ourselves in a loving way toward the alcoholic. This really can be done through attending support group meetings.
Consider these two simple but powerful statements:
Say what you mean but don’t say it mean.
If what you have to say is not kind, necessary or true, keep your mouth shut.
Those are really good things that can help you to protect your emotions when dealing with an alcoholic who steals from you. There are many things that can be learned in relation to how to handle a problem drinker. Tools such as these can help you learn how to experience less guilt when dealing with an alcoholic.
The best thing that you can do is learn how to protect your material possessions and emotions at the same time. Books can help, articles on the Internet have good ideas, but the real help comes through going to support group meetings.
Learning how to handle these situations from people who are dealing with them on a daily basis just like you is done in places like Al-anon.