Guest Post By: Melba
For the past 4 yrs, I’ve been involved with a 30yr alcoholic, he is currently living in a Sober Living house and has been “Dry” for 5 months, (i suspect he is on something else, at times his demeanor is aggressive). We are both in our 40’s and have a 2r old son together. After our son was born, my partner’s drinking increased and he became extremely violent and an out of control alcoholic.
He was ordered to go into Rehab, which he did, (for the 10th time) while there, he was kicked out for having relations with another woman in the program. He was moved to a Sober living house where he has been at for several months.
He has been stringing me along for months and at times. I weaken and believe that he is better and allow him back into our lives. But as always, he does things that show deep lack of respect for me and I then shut him out of our lives again and again only to have him back. He is the father of 4 kids and a grandfather to 1, but is responsible for NONE, you would think he is a single carefree man from how he acts. He is into tattooing, piercings, mohawk hair cuts and bought memberships at 2 local gyms.
Since I set boundaries, he does not like me and complains that I nag at him. What I do is call him out on things he is doing that shows his inconsideration towards us. I suspected he was on the internet meeting other women and the other day he forgot his cell phone in my car and I scanned through it and sure enough he had several pictures of women and phone numbers. If he is truly in recovery, why or what is making him act so boastful and arrogant and extremely self absorbed?
I have talked with other Sober men who seem remorseful and humbled by their recovery. My partner claims he loves me and my son very much and refuses to let us go, but he is enjoying the life on his own and wants to have his cake and eat it too. He claims to be going to all his meetings, up to 3 of the Alcoholics Anonymous ones on some-days, but his emotions are all over the place, sometimes he misses us and wants to be with us and sometimes he forgets we’re even here.
What shall I do? Almost giving up on him for good. I Can’t take this up and down life anymore and its unfair to our son who loves his dad very much but does he need to see his dad visit only when its convenient for him?
JC:Thanks for submitting your story Melba. I think you could benefit from reading this article: Tension Associated With Alcoholism. As always we recommend that you try to get connected with the Al-anon program, now is a good time while your partner is in the sober living house. It sounds like you may be reaching the point where the pain is greater than the fear of living without an alcoholic.