There is a certain amount of tension that surrounds every relationship with an alcoholic. Perhaps you have been living with an alcoholic for so long that it has become a way of life for you to cower. I have identified that when I am around someone with a drinking problem, I have a tendency to drawback in fear. For me, what used to be a very unhealthy fear has now become an indicator that my serenity is being violated and I should be on guard to protect it.
What is it that I am fearing? I believe it is the unexpected confrontation that can arise at any time they are around. There is such an unpredictable element that surrounds their lives all of the time. I do think also that much of the unease I have when they are around is associated with how much I truly value my peace and serenity. I’ve worked hard to get it and know what I need to do in order to protect it. It takes work to be happy while associating with alcohol addicted people.
Identifying The Tension That Surrounds Alcoholic Relationships
Keeping A Journal
This is by far the best way to start seeing very clearly when and why the tension starts. As you document every tense moment that you encounter, you will start to notice recurring behavior patterns that surround the alcoholic relationship you are involved in.
They Create Tense Situations For A Reason
We have an article that explains why alcoholics keep us angry and anxious. This is one of the more dominant personality attributes of the person suffering from the disease of alcoholism. In short, if they can keep everyone around them upset, then they can point the finger at how they are reacting. This helps them to not look at their own problems and creates a false sense of feeling good about themselves.
The Unpredictable Element Of The Relationship
We find that from one moment to the next there can be drastic emotional ups and downs when interacting with a problem drinker. In alcoholism support group meetings this is often compared to being on a roller coaster ride. There is a remedy for this that is not so easily applied; it is letting go of the alcoholic. We can choose to get on the roller coaster or not. This is something that you generally cannot do with your present coping skills. It requires that you learn proven methods for coping with alcoholics. The process of letting go of an alcoholic is one that is learned from the wisdom of others who are successful in doing so.
How To Remove The Tension Associated With Alcoholism
There are three things you can start doing immediately to remove the tension:
- Get involved in Al-anon
- Invest in learning proven methods for coping with an alcoholic.
- Make a decision right now to start making changes
I know that last one is hard to swallow because we think that if only the alcoholic would change everything would be all honky-dory. Here’s the reality of your situation. They have been doing the same things repeatedly no matter how hard you have tried to get them to quit drinking. Reality check, what you have been doing IS NOT WORKING. It’s time to start learning from people who can give you sound alcoholic relationship advice. This is your first step in relieving the overwhelming tension associated with interacting with an alcoholic. Nothing changes – if nothing changes. They are not going to change, so the ball is in your court. What are you going to do to make your life better today?