I learned how to cope with a spouse who was hard to deal with because of the alcohol that she was addicted to. Growing up my mother and step father had a tendency to drink too much on occasion. When I was a teenager I had my first light-headed experience with the substance. For all of my forty eight years I’ve been living with this cunning, baffling and powerful substance in my own life and through living with others who battle with it as well.
I learned how to quit obsessing over a drink in Alcoholics Anonymous at age thirty seven and how to detach from others addicted to drinking in the Al-non program a few years afterward.
I am what we call a double winner. I am well equipped to share with you some very key things that will help you deal with your situation in a better way.
Detaching with love is one of the most difficult things to do and yet the most important thing we can master. There are hundreds of ways to accomplish this task.
Understanding these three sentences will help you to detach:
-You did not cause your friend, alcoholic spouse, loved one or co-worker to drink.
-You cannot cure their disease of being addicted to drinking alcohol.
-You will never be able to control an alcoholics behavior.
Stop confronting them every time they lie to you. Understand this, compulsive lying is just the nature of what you are dealing with. Accept this truth, zip your lip and they will not have to continue to lie even more when you interrogate them.
Stop obsessing over everything the alcoholics are doing or not doing. You are not their God or responsible for their behavior. Start doing some things that you enjoy doing and rediscover who you are again. I promise they will continue to drink whether you are obsessing over them or not, having fun or wallowing in self-pity.
Start keeping a journal. This will really help you identify what the buttons are that the alcohol addicted person in your life is doing to cause you to react in a negative ways. Once you begin to see more clearly, you will be able to better protect your emotions.
A Few Extra Tips:
Always have a second and third plan when dealing with an alcoholic. They are know for continually breaking engagements.
Alcohol addicted people use anger and anxiety often. If they can get the “FOCUS” on you because you’re upset or mad it takes it off of them. Remember it takes two to argue; so, stop arguing and fighting.
Find a support group such as Al-anon.
Find a meeting to attend today while you are feeling lonely and frustrated.
Don’t procrastinate in getting help. The person drinking alcohol will only get worse but you can begin getting better today. When living with a person active in the disease, the less addicted to them we can become the better.