Do you have an alcoholic spouse who has no respect for your marriage? Do they go out with friends and stay out all night? Do you have difficulty keeping your anger under control? Do you call them repeatedly on the telephone? What should you do?
Follow the tips in this article and you will deal better with this situation.
I used to have to deal with these same type situations. Fortunately for me, I don’t have an active alcoholic in my life right now to worry about anymore. Even if I did, I now know how to handle myself in order to have peace in my life.
At one point, my spouse was going out two to three times a week and not coming home until three to five o’clock in the morning. Sometimes, she would not come home at all. I know exactly what the emotions and feelings are that you are dealing with. Been there, done that and don’t ever want to be there again.
How did I learn to deal with her adolescent behaviors?
The answers for me were found in alcoholism support group meetings for friends and family members of alcoholics. That’s where I learned these guidelines below.
Just Go to Sleep
This is something that I struggled with, just getting in bed and going to sleep. You may be like I was, pacing the floor, driving around trying to find them or calling them repeatedly on the phone trying to convince them to come home. Your spouse obviously cares more about staying out and having fun with friends more than being with you right now.
You have to learn how to take care of yourself. Just get in bed and go to sleep. There’s nothing that you can do or say that will make them come home. There’s nothing that has ever worked to perused them is there? While you are an emotional wreck, they are laughing and having fun, so they think. It’s a miserable life they are living. Take care of yourself by getting plenty of rest.
Don’t Call Them on The Phone
Make up your mind that you will not call them to check up on them or “beg” them to come home. Telling them how much they are destroying the marriage will not work. Pleading with them to please come home won’t work. Getting mad and cursing them out will not affect them. Protect your emotions and leave them alone. The less you interact with them the better off your emotional state will be.
How am I going to stop calling them?
- Try reading a book.
- Consider watching TV.
- Go and spend the night with a close friend or relative.
Act Like You Are Asleep
Even if you are wide awake when they get home, act as if you are sound asleep. It’s totally non-productive to talk to them while they are in this state. It’s possible that they will try to awake you to have sex. This is only because of the guilt they feel for what they have done and a poor attempt at making things right with you.
Refuse to Argue
Never argue with an alcoholic. It’s really that simple. Zip your lip and refuse to fight.
Do not Confront Them
Make up your mind that you are not going to confront them by asking them questions about what they did or even who they were with. Fake it till you make it and act as if you really do not give a rip what they are doing. Act this way in a loving manner though.
The goal here is to learn how to protect ourselves and at the same time love our alcoholic spouse with an unconditional love. Learning what to do when an alcoholic does not come home will help you more than them.
All of these things I have shared with you will not make your spouse stop staying out all night drinking. What they will do is help to protect your emotions so that you will have more peace in your life. Nothing that you or I can do will make them quit acting this way.
Recovery for us means that we learn how to let them go and to take care of ourselves.