I know exactly how to handle myself when the alcoholic chooses to stay away from the home. When he or she does not come home it can be very stressful on the entire family, especially if you have little children. It is vitally important for your emotional well-being to learn how to handle this situation correctly. It may take a little practice, but I promise that over time you will get better and better at it.
1) When you see them, act as if it never happened; just say hi and go on about your business. I know this seems crazy, but tell me something, has all of the bickering, fighting and questioning accusations ever changed the situation? My guess is no.
2) Do not fix the mess that they have made. If they aren’t going to make it to work, then so be it. Let every problem that they create, due to their irresponsible behavior, be their responsibility to deal with. What ever the cost quit enabling an alcoholic by softening the results of their poor choices.
3) Worry only about your responsibilities to the family or your job and do them with the best of integrity. When it comes to the addicts affairs, mind your own business.
4) If you must rearrange your schedule because they chose to stay out all night, then do so. Remember; do not fix their schedule though. If they messed things up, let them fix it. What to do when an alcoholic stays out all night can be a puzzling question unless you realize that you have no control over their choices.
5) Don’t say a word unless it is kind, necessary and true. This is all apart of learning how to communicate with an alcoholic.
6) Don’t probe around asking questions about where they were or what they were doing. Act as if nothing at all happened.
7) Smile and control your temper.
8) Pay attention to your body language. Your face might be smiling, but the rest of your body could be screaming horrible things.
9) Get away from them if your emotions are out of control. Leave the house, go into a different room, or get on the phone with a friend. I say do whatever it takes to get your focus off of the alcoholic and onto something more positive.
What should you do when an alcoholic doesn’t come home?
1) Do every thing you can to not angry.
2) Try not to confront the alcoholic.
3) Get to the first support group meeting you can find.
4) Do not interrogate them.
5) Go to the movies and enjoy your life.
6) Just go to sleep.
7) Read a book.
Here’s the thing, if you can grip the fact that nothing that you say or do is going to change the fact that they did not come home, then you can let go of them easier. Why get all upset over the irresponsible actions of an alcoholic.
Doesn’t it sound more enjoyable to go shopping, to a movie or to visit with a close friend that you enjoy being with. Yes, of course it does. So, just do it. Stick your chin up, set your shoulders back and make a decision that you are no longer going to live your life around their poor decisions.
Like I said in the beginning, this may take some practice in learning how to control your emotions when an alcoholic doesn’t come home. Practice always makes perfect though. The main thing is to get your focus off of what they are doing and enjoy your own life. Plan things to do that do not include them. If you have plans with them and they dump you, find something else to do without confronting and arguing with them. Go and live your life. You can do this and still live with them and love them with an undying love.
[…] When the alcoholic in my life stayed out all night, I was always an emotional wreck the next day, mainly because I hadn’t hardly slept. […]