I never knew I could be happy even though I was faced with many disastrous situations involving the alcoholic. Do you know that you can choose to be happy regardless of how an alcoholic treats you?
I want you to think about something, does the opinion of the person who has the drinking problem affect how you see yourself? In other words, is your self-worth realized in whether someone likes you or not? Do you feel as though your confidence is swayed by how people view your abilities? Point blank, are you happy when your alcoholic is happy and angry when they are mad. Is your life so interconnected with the addict that your emotional state is as liquid as water, meaning you just flow with the current of the alcoholic’s mood swings?
Have you become so accustom to feelings of depression, despair and loneliness that joyous laughter is something of the past.
If you feel that your happiness is directly affected by whether the alcoholic is sober or not, think again! Being content with yourself and enjoying everyday life is a choice. That’s right it is very much interconnected to how you choose to view your life.
A great way to remove despair is by thinking of all the things you are thankful for rather than focusing on all the things that are depressing. I have so many things in life to be grateful for when I take the time to acknowledge their existence in my life.
In my experience, obtaining true happiness within was discovered through having a real relationship with a loving God, Jesus Christ. Through that friendship I found a love for myself and others that is difficult to be swayed by someone’s opinions of me.
Happiness is not something that I find being related to where I am geographically or how financially secure I am. In all situations, I can choose to be happy.
This is something that used drive my alcoholic spouse up the wall. While she would be fuming mad, yelling and calling me names, I’d let her insults bounce off as I’d smile at her. It took a lot of learning how to set boundaries with alcoholics and how to deal with angry alcoholics to achieve this level of maturity in loving myself no matter what she thought of me.
When I learned that I was responsible for my own actions and reactions, I was one step closer to being more serene. These things were realized through getting help for living with an alcoholic by going to group therapy, interacting with people who understood alcoholism and through reading Al-anon literature.
When I discovered that it wasn’t my responsibility to make someone happy and that my happiness was not dependent upon anyone that was an incredible moment of emotional freedom. I’ve learned to live by this principle and take responsibility for my life rather than blame my despair on the actions of others.
I do choose to be happy today no matter where I am or what it is I am doing. There is great power in living in the moment and enjoying each moment in a day. Staying present in today and away from the fear of the future, and regrets from the past, help me to remain in a joyous, and free state.
When I let go of the alcoholic and stopped focusing on the alcoholic all of the time, I started doing things that I love to do. Now that’s something that will bring contentment into my life rather quickly, taking time to enjoy life my way instead of living my life based on the opinions of other people. Learning how to live with active alcoholism and stay emotionally stable took time.
The other thing that contributes to my happiness is understanding that the problems the alcoholic blames me for are not always my fault. It’s for certain that I am not the cause of their choices to drink. They have a serious illness that has absolutely nothing to do with my actions. This allows me to be free from the chains of guilt.
The more emotional clutter associated with alcoholism we can get rid of the happier we will become. You can choose to change your way of thinking and living in order to enjoy the freedom of a happy life. The alcoholic may not like the changes, but that’s the beauty in discovering your life regardless of what they think.
Just leave . Abuse is abuse.
[…] approval. When they praise us we are up; when they shut us out we are down. When I finally started enjoying my life apart from the alcoholic that’s when my self-worth was realized. I had to find the things in life that contributed to […]
[…] 1) Understand that you are only responsible for your behavior. Make choices every moment of the day to live in peace, serenity and joy. Learning how to do this will require that you attend support group meetings like Al-anon. Just reading articles or books is not going to be enough. Much of the process of getting peace and laughter back in your life depends upon interacting with others who have learned how to be happy while living with an alcoholic. […]