I am truly grateful to God that I no longer live with an alcoholic. A series of providential circumstances led to him leaving of his own will and I have never allowed him back into our lives. We have been married for 10 years, but I would say the last 6 of those years he has gotten progressively worse. Though a professional banker, he has never managed to hold down a job and I ended up working part time, being a house wife and mother and father to our young child. I have heard it all before: “I love you , I promise I’ll change, I have not had a drink for weeks/months days.”
However, the lowest points have been discovering he had stolen rent money for months and made us homeless and then when he nearly caused a gas explosion whilst drunk and in the care of our child. In my experience, living with an alcoholic is hell-it has affected us financially, psychologically, emotionally and that feeling of waking up every morning and having a pit of fear in your stomach at what the day holds for you.
For years I never had a full nights sleep as sleep would invariably be interrupted by the sound of him falling down the stairs in a drunken heap. I would often spend in the toilet itself. This I felt I had to do before my child woke up to see the mess. In the end, I did not bother to conceal the results of his drunkenness to our child as the incidents were too frequent and too often.
Though we live separately now, I hate getting his phone calls invariably he is drunk. He will even turn up at my home unable to stand as he is so inebriated; the smell of alcohol from him powerful, but he will swear blind he has not had a drink for weeks or months. In my experience, alcoholics will lie and steal from you and have a legendary ability to not see or care about the hurt they inflict on those around them.
I would never live with my husband ever again even if he says he is reformed – all trust has gone and besides I don’t need that influence round my child. Since I have separated from my husband, I have lost my job because of the recession – am setting up my own business, I am struggling financially, but I am more hopeful and positive than I ever was living with him. My self-esteem has soared! He was fond of telling me I could never do anything without him, but I have… and there is more of me to come by God’s grace.
Thanks for sharing your story. Alcoholism does progressively affect the entire family. I know I had lost a lot of self-worth, but learned how to be more confident when I separated from my alcoholic spouse. When the time came for God to start rearranging my situation, my teenage daughter (sixteen at the time) had vowed to never be around her alcoholic step-mom ever again. She said: “dad I am not coming to your house ever again, she (meaning her step-mom) is crazy. One minute she is nice and the next yelling at me.” My daughter could not cope with the angry alcoholic any longer. She had reached the point of no return. Although your story about your alcoholic husband progressivly getting worse is different than mine, some how all of our stories are the same…alcoholism destroys families. It’s funny you mentioned God’s grace because that is what has been working with great success in my life too!