Learning About My Life Of Interacting With Alcoholics

Guest Post
I’ve really enjoyed reading this post and an thankful for your submission. I recall when I started learning about how my life has been shaped though interacting with alcoholics. I can so identify with the references to guilt, mixed-messages, co-dependence, hope for an alcoholic relationship to change and enjoying healthy times. I encourage you to continue attending support group meetings; you will continue to experience healing and gain a greater understanding about  how interacting with alcoholics has… and is affecting your life.

Realizing my new love was as attached to the bottle as he is—just as I placed my mom in hospice care a year and a half ago–was mind boggling to me: feelings of  letting go of  her, who I had so unhealthily my entire life been a good-little-girl/caretaker for—just in the midst of finding “the one” (3 yr. after the dissolution of my marriage to an extremely abusive and alcoholic man) placed me in a position where I ended up focusing on the crud we were going through and his lack of support.

Ultimately, I was not as present for my mom as I wish I had been during her last days. There has been a certain amount of guiltI’ve had to deal with surrounding my relationship with her.  At Christmastime last year, as Joe’s dad was dying and  Joe was spiraling downward more, I felt even more guilty by detaching and setting limits, (quite unsuccessfully, but knew I had to for my own sanity). About that time I had a dream which made sense to me: it was about remembered alcoholic behaviors of my mom’s throughout my childhood, and terrible mixed messages she had given me during that time; I had been blocking all of that pain, and  it was now slamming me extra hard while dealing with my grief, and  the loss of what I had hoped could be with this otherwise perfect man.

Since then I have been attending Al-anon meetings intermittently (and realize that I’m likely the more unhealthy one with my codependency) yet cannot seem to end things with this man as I bounce between great chasms of crushing futility and great hope. Learning as I go is putting it mildly, but when I do follow through and at least don’t respond to him when he’s drunk, and can enjoy the healthy times with him— gives me some feelings of accomplishment along this interesting journey.

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