Guest PostI’ve really enjoyed reading this post and an thankful for your submission. I recall when I started learning about how my life has been shaped though interacting with alcoholics. I can so identify with the references to guilt, mixed-messages, co-dependence, hope for an alcoholic relationship to change and enjoying healthy times. I encourage you to continue attending support group meetings; you will continue to experience healing and gain a greater understanding about how interacting with alcoholics has… and is affecting your life.
Ultimately, I was not as present for my mom as I wish I had been during her last days. There has been a certain amount of guiltI’ve had to deal with surrounding my relationship with her. At Christmastime last year, as Joe’s dad was dying and Joe was spiraling downward more, I felt even more guilty by detaching and setting limits, (quite unsuccessfully, but knew I had to for my own sanity). About that time I had a dream which made sense to me: it was about remembered alcoholic behaviors of my mom’s throughout my childhood, and terrible mixed messages she had given me during that time; I had been blocking all of that pain, and it was now slamming me extra hard while dealing with my grief, and the loss of what I had hoped could be with this otherwise perfect man.
Since then I have been attending Al-anon meetings intermittently (and realize that I’m likely the more unhealthy one with my codependency) yet cannot seem to end things with this man as I bounce between great chasms of crushing futility and great hope. Learning as I go is putting it mildly, but when I do follow through and at least don’t respond to him when he’s drunk, and can enjoy the healthy times with him— gives me some feelings of accomplishment along this interesting journey.