JC: Guest Poster, thanks for sharing your situation with us. While reading, I was deeply touched by your words. I felt sadness as I empathized with how your love relationship with your spouse has dwindled into emptiness. So many of us who have relationships with alcoholics find ourselves being the caregiver rather than the romantic lover we once were. May I encourage you to make a list of all of the things you are grateful for relating to your husband. This is one of my favorite articles: How To Live A Decent Life With An Alcoholic .
I want to start just by saying hi and thank you for having such a website as this. I don’t think my story is so different than any other, but I feel a need to vent a little about my situation. I have been married to an alcoholic for nearly 6 years. He is not a bad guy and I was drawn to his kindness and sweetness. He is one of those men who displays so much potential that makes you want to give him a chance, so I did.
Our relationship has been such a big mess with so much suffering and struggling financially and emotionally on my part at least. I have done everything that I can to help this man and love this man and even try to talk him into getting help. Of course nothing I have said to him has worked. I am 100% guilty of enabling him, and at the time I did not realize that was what I was doing. In short, our relationship has become more of a care giver/companion than that of a husband and wife. I have somehow made him so very much depended on me and I am just sick and tired of it anymore.
I get absolutely NO emotional support from him whatsoever which makes me feel horrible and unnecessary. I am doing my best not to argue with him, but this is so hard!!! Even when he is sober I find that I just don’t like him much anymore. I feel sorry for him in some ways, but that is it. I have no sexual desire for him anymore, but at the same time I feel almost trapped in this relationship. I have not been able to find employment that would sustain me enough to live on my own, so I stay here with him only because I do not have the income to leave.
I’m doing my best to deal with the put downs and total disregard to my feelings, and I don’t know where else to turn. Talking to friends has not helped much because after a while they no longer want to hear it, and then they start to put the blame on me. I have very limited transportation so trying to get to ALONON meetings is out of the question. I have become so easily irritated and touchy living with this man and very withdrawn.
I do get up and go for long walks when the weather permits, but other than that I sincerely am at a loss as to what else to do. But even after all of that, I KNOW that this cannot go on for ever, and so I pray a little more and I keep on trying to find work. I am pretty much alone in my struggle, but there is always God and so there is always hope.
You may find these articles helpful:
I love your last statement; “there is always God and so there is always hope”. God is the ultimate caregiver. Place your trust completely in His direction for your life and marriage.
Please feel free to comment below on being a caregiver or anything related to alcoholism.