When we are involved with an alcoholic, we never know what is going to happen. We often find ourselves caught in the world of anxiety, fear and uncertainty. We are going to look at a few ways to manage your life to reduce the effects of the uncertainty of the future.
There are many things that contribute to us worrying or fearing what may happen in the future. Past events certainly play a major role in how our thought patterns operate on a daily basis. Alcoholics have such a way of keeping us on the edge of unpredictability. Their behaviors make very little sense to us.
The first step in a 12-step program says; “I’m powerless over…and my life has become unmanageable”. Managing the uncertainty of being with an alcoholic is best done through understanding that we are powerless over their choices.
What causes us to live with looming anxiety and fear all of the time?
I think the root cause of these things is mistrust. Alcoholics have broken our trust in one way or another so we have these places of uncertainty in our lives as a result.
- If they’ve broken plans before, we don’t believe them when they say they will do this or that.
- When they’ve lied to us, we have a hard time believing them in relation to almost everything.
- Due to them just disappearing sometimes without any notice, we worry when they are supposed to come home, fearing that they may not.
- Having the experience of spending time with them when everything’s going smooth and suddenly they change into a raging alcoholic, may cause us to be wary of their moody behavior.
The uncertainty that surrounds a relationship with an alcoholic can be found in many different forms.
Here are a few tips to help keep the anxiety levels lower:
Try To Stay Present-We have no control over what the alcoholic may or may not do. By staying present and enjoying the moment, we can better guard or emotions from fearing the future. We are only promised today anyway. Tomorrow is mystery. In the present moment we can enjoy or children, friends or favorite hobby. It takes discipline to live one day at a time. I believe that this is the best protector against uncertainty. What is happening right now as you read this is the only thing that is certain. Who knows, we could be hit by a bus and our lives could end at any moment. So why worry and fret over tomorrow.
Be In Charge Of Your Life, Let Theirs Go-Letting go of an alcoholic is not an easy task. It takes applying the types of methods we teach in the Secrets To Dealing With Alcoholics series in order to be successful at detaching from their chaotic lives. You only can control your life, remember that you are powerless over how the alcoholic chooses to live. With that being said, take a moment to make a list of things you would really enjoy and do some of those things. This is how we begin to let go and detach from the uncertainty that surrounds the alcoholic/addict.
Let Go Of Expectations-If we have expectations that the alcoholic will actually follow through with plans they have made with us, we may be setting ourselves up for a resentment. Make your plans with the addict, but always have an alternate plan. This way if they fall through the cracks and become a no-show, you can proceed with something else to fill the void.
Understand You’re Not Dealing With A Normal Person-For some reason we act as though the dysfunctional person in our lives should think and act like a normal person. You wouldn’t expect someone who just came out of surgery to perform at peak performance would you? Of course not, the alcoholic cannot fulfill the role of being a responsible human being. This is something that you will have to just accept.
It’s vitally important to learn how to detach and let go of the alcohol addicted person in order to overcome the uncertainty of their behaviors. Our instructional package on how to cope with alcoholics is an excellent resource to help you learn how to do both.