How can we really know if someone is a habitual substance abuser? What are the signs of alcoholism? If they drink every day does that make them an alcoholic? If the obvious signs aren’t present, how will I know if there’s a problem? We invite you to share your knowledge, experience, strength and hope with Deb in the comment area below the article. Here’s her story…
Guest Post: Deb
How do you tell if the person in your life is truly an alcoholic?
I have read all the advice and messages from everyone here and the alcoholic that was in my life did not match most of everyone’s stories so how do you tell? Here are my details that seem to go against it being alcohol & then I struggle with what caused his behavior.
- Never saw him drunk.
- Never saw excessive drinking just every day moderate drinking except when we had an argument.
- Saw loving person to others but not to me, his wife.
- Plotting & planning for years to perform acts of revenge against me for things I don’t know why.
- Very intelligent but told me he could not read or write, was color blind and I found out later I was the only one he told this lie to for 20 years.
- Would never help me, but always helped his siblings, mother and always showed respect to them while not to me.
- Very cunning-even his outbursts to me seemed pre-planned when I now look back.
- Played the role of victim so well he convinced other women to have affairs with him while married to me (I guess I was the awful wife) but also convinced them to mistreat me, put my job in jeopardy and even these women continue to harass me even though I am no longer married to him.
I am so struggling to just have this one answer–was it alcohol that caused all this? Or was I dealing with someone who was just plain abusive or has a mental disorder? Just hoping someone here can relate to a similar set of circumstances and shed some light on this for me.
JC: Thanks for submitting your story Deb. If your ex was drinking every day, then it appears that he has an addiction. I have to wonder if he has ever been arrested as a result of his drinking, getting a DUI or for domestic violence? Is he capable of holding down a steady job? Do you feel that his drinking causes difficulty in his relationships? Does he have car accidents often? Does he borrow money from others? Have you ever asked him if he is an alcoholic? There are many things that can factor into whether someone is an alcoholic or not, especially when there are not the blatant signs present that we hear people share about on our website.