Guest Post By: Elizabeth
I need your help. My dad has been an alcoholic and a smoker for ever since I can remember. When I was little, I even remember thinking it was normal for someone to drive with club martini cans in their lap… Both my parents are workaholics so they are never home, and when they are it seems there is always tension in the room because they both have communication problems as well addictions (my mom is somewhat of a shopaholic).
Anyways, my dad fell in the backyard about a year ago because he was drunk and it was dark and I had to call the ambulance for them to pick him up. Long story short he went through detox while in the hospital and spent 3 months in urgent care (more than half the time in an induced coma) because his detox was so bad. He doesn’t remember it.. but my 4 sisters, mom, and I, do. He would be SUPER delusional up until the last week he was there, and would be abusive (which he never has been) and it’s burned into my memory.
Unfortunately it wasn’t his choice to go through detox, and continued drinking secretly shortly after, despite the doctor directly saying he would not survive another detox and our family intervention where we all told him he needs to get help and we will leave him if he doesn’t. That didn’t phase him, and none of my family members will do anything anymore because they know he wont stop and so they push it under the rug, maybe get mad for a little then act like nothing is wrong.
I am sick of always being the crazy one who constantly leaves the house because of his actions. He will die if he does not stop and although he claims it is better because he is “drinking less”, it is not and it is tearing my family apart. My mom is the biggest enabler too because she literally just says “stop drinking” and then pushes everything else to the side because she doesn’t want to deal with it and never wants to hear or deal with negativity.
He lies, he is sneaky and manipulative, he always gets defensive and I just.. I am so done with his bs. I understand this is a disease, but honestly if me leaving all the time and getting upset, his own daughter sadly telling him that she won’t come back if he doesn’t stop, isn’t rock bottom for him that is… apparently I am not important enough to him. Just tell me what to do… am I over reacting. Everyone makes me feel crazy. I just don’t want to bury him in the ground…
JC: Hi Elizabeth, first off, it’s okay to feel whatever it is you are feeling. Your feelings are not wrong or right the are just feelings. I hope you will consider getting involved in Al-anon/Al-teen. If you start participating there, you will quickly learn that you cannot control the alcoholic, you cannot cure the alcoholic and you did not cause any of this. You may have heard those things already. Just think about those in relation to your father.
He is really ill with alcoholism and it is very baffling to try and make any sense of his behavior. You probably never will be able to because the behavior of an addict is literally insane. I understand the pain and frustration you are experiencing. You might want to check out this video of my story here: Recovered Alcoholic Shares About Alcoholism. In it I explain how my mom finally got sober and stayed that way for many years before she died. I overcame an addiction to alcohol as well.
Finally, if you believe in God, grab on to Him as tightly as you can. Talk to him day and night. He is the only one who can bring peace beyond all comprehension into your life.