You know not everything that the alcoholic says about you is true. When I was with the alcoholic, sometimes they would say mean things to me. They might say something like, you’re a horrible father, you’re an awful dad, and you’re a stupid business man. And inevitably, I would always want to defend my character. Then, the alcoholic would just throw more gas on the fire and we would get into the heated argument over some of the stupidest things. When I learned to look at myself and realize that I am a good father, I am good business man, I am a wonderful husband, and know the truth of those things, then when the alcoholic would say horrible, degrading things to me, I could let those things bounce off of me because I really knew what the truth of the matter was.Here’s your tip, whenever the alcoholic throws something in your face that you know is a lie, rather than reacting and defending your character, you can just look at them and use the three S’s, step back, shut up and smile. Then say something along the lines of, “Well, that’s your opinion,” or you can say, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Another thing that you can say to them is, “That’s not true.” And after you say these short statements, then you want to zip your lips and not say anything else.
This will help defuse the possibility of getting into an argument with an alcoholic. Let those lies that the alcoholic throws at you, let them just bounce off of you and not have an effect rather than letting them go on the inside of you and believing the lies that they say about you. And then, because you believe them, they cause you to just wilt and wither emotionally and you’ll feel horrible about yourself. Don’t let the alcoholic hurt you that way. Put up that shield and let those things bounce off of you and know the truth of who you are.