Guest Post By: Cindy
Is it common for an alcoholic in recovery to push people away? One of my closest friends is now in outpatient treatment. We used to talk just about every day and see each other several times a week. He was the probably the closest person to me in a very long time. But it was also I that began to really notice the drinking and watching him slowly killing himself.
I went to his family and they did an intervention which embraced and then went to detox. Once released from detox he is now back to work and going to intensive outpatient treatment. This is what I wanted for him. I wanted him to be alive and to see the truly wonderful person he is. The person I see.
The thing is now how badly it has affected me. I haven’t seen him since he went to detox two months ago. And have had very little contact at all. He will not see me or talk to me really. Says he has no time for me.
It has left me lost and confused as I don’t understand why he can’t even find an hour to talk like the friends we were. He knows it was me who gave his family the information and they assure me he is not mad. But if he is not mad why is he now pushing me away?
The mental toll it has take on me just isn’t getting better. The night before the intervention he was very intoxicated and said something very hurtful to me. He told me that I didn’t matter to him. He had never said something like that before and while it hurt at the time I knew he was drunk and that help was coming so I let it go.
Now that two months has gone by and he is getting help and he won’t really talk to me the only thing I can hear is him telling me that I didn’t matter to him. I hear it all the time and see him saying it when I close my eyes. I doubt he remembers saying it. I’ve been struggling with feeling hurt and used by him and now that he is getting help he doesn’t need me to help him cover up his problem.
I don’t truly believe he doesn’t care about me, but the longer he goes without wanting me in his life the more I tell myself he didn’t. Then I feel guilty about all the signs that he was in trouble with alcohol, but I never said anything as I wasn’t sure. I could have done something much sooner and I feel terrible that I didn’t. I wonder if he now hates me because I watched and didn’t say anything. I guess I just need to know if this is normal or not as the pain feels like it will never go away and is only getting worse.
Please feel free to leave a comment below.