My story is I am a Christian woman and have been married to a severe alcoholic for over 6 years now. I have done all I can to live a life with biblical principles, honor and respecting my marriage. However, there comes a time when one must say how much more pain can I put up with.
After listening to your audio on how to cope with an alcoholic I felt a strong need to contact you as I believe there are functional alcoholics who are not abusive, and the severe alcoholics who are. And believe me when I say I know the difference!!!!! NO functioning alcoholic in my marriage. He picks up and we all go straight to hell on earth.
I read your post on living with an Alcoholic. However in spite of all the suggestions reality is, it’s simply crazy living with some alcoholics.
I have done all of these suggestions and sometimes better than others. However, I find myself caught up in the crazy cycle and was not able to see this clearly until I started getting help thru counseling and Al-anon.
My husband disappears when he drinks, actually he abandons us. He leaves the job behind, the house, the bills, and takes all the little money we have with him. Leaving me and my daughter with nothing for survival. I end up packing up the mess of our lives without any help or money as I am not able to work due to a severe illness.
Its so frustrating! and you ask yourself over and over “how did I get into such a mess?” Then you do it again and again. Who is the crazy one here I ask myself. I am now living in my new apartment as I have moved six times in a six year marriage is this not a definition of insanity.
But it gets worse, the past few times he has been out of the home drinking, he has involved himself with prostitutes. Of course he claims there was not any sexual conduct. Ha! what a horrible liar. He was just lonely he says looking for someone to show an interest in him.
How does one keep there mouth shut when you have been thru hell over and over again. Truth is, its not easy and yes my anger has lashed out with rage over and over at him. But it hasn’t made a difference. I don’t expect him to change anymore. I must or I will die.
You see I recently got tested for HIV and thank God it was negative. But in this life we don’t always get second chances and I made a decision about a month ago that I am a valuable person and I deserve to live my life to the fullest without chaos.
As I listened to your audio on how to cope and live with the alcoholic I couldn’t help feeling this is for the functional alcoholics in ones lives not the severe types.
Trust me when I say I know the difference as I grew up with it all around me. But what I did take from your advice is the only person you can truly change is yourself. And some of us need to stop thinking its okay to live this life style of insanity and more tolerance is the code.
It frustrates me to know end to hear people say things like acceptance is the answer to all our problems. Not in all situations…often there is great abuse going on in the alcoholic home and to tell a spouse to live and let live or let Go and let God may indeed lead one down a road of death.
This is why I am a strong advocate for helping the spouse living with an alcoholic because you can not assume that all alcoholic are a like. And just walking away or not arguing with them is not always easily done. In fact the only solution may be for some of our types of codependent spouses is to get out and don’t look back. Also not always easily done without help from an outside source.
Thank you for taking the time to read my story. I encourage you to post my story as it may help someone who is trapped in a very abusive alcoholic marriage. In conclusion I would like to suggest for you to due an audio on abuse.
JC: Thanks for sharing your situation with us Kelly. Now is the time to hear clearly from God like you have never every heard Him before. That is my prayer for you.
In my experience, I did hear clearly from the Lord and changes took place almost effortlessly when He started delivering me from a very difficult and abusive alcoholic relationship. It happened in God’s perfect timing and everything I needed was provided for me. I’m talking about places to live rent free, an entire apartment full of nice furniture given to me, an attorney who took my case without any earnest money up front and in the middle of the deliverance, I was given a new/used car (a very nice one I might add).
Kelly, continue to trust in the Lord with ALL of your heart!
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