People get caught between a rock and a hard place when they are trying to give the alcoholic the benefit of the doubt. An addict can be very manipulative in making us think that everything is our fault. How they get their hooks in us so deep I’ve yet to fully understand.
I think being undecided about if I should stay with an alcoholic or break the relationship off is a horrible place to be. One moment we are swayed by their expressions of love toward us and the next upset because they are treating us like trash.
I think it is vitally important that we don’t find ourselves teetering on a seesaw of indecision that is based on how we feel. Either we are committed to have hope and faith that eventually the alcoholic will hit bottom and change or we are not. Making a black and white decision is the answer to your dilemma.
Start the decision making process by listing all of the positives and all of the negatives of the relationship.
Why are you with this person?
What will things be like a year from now if they quit abusing alcohol or drugs today?
What will things be like if the addict doesn’t quit?
What are the benefits of being with this person?
What are the bad things about this alcoh0lic relationship?
Important: Remember, it’s OK to make a decision to be undecided at the moment. If you are seeking God’s direction for your life, He has the final word for you, be patient and wait. If you are giving support group meetings a try, someone in Al-anon suggested that I give the program a chance to work in my life for at least six months before making any major decisions.
If we decide to stay in a relationship with the alcoholic/addict, then we must do all that we can to learn how to cope with an alcoholic. I was told that I had only two choices: 1-I could change my address 2-I could change my attitude. By staying in a relationship, I feel one must make a decision to give it the best that they have without expecting anything from the alcoholic in return. I’m just saying that we make a choice to be committed to unconditional love and continual forgiveness. We can do this while letting go of an alcoholic and practicing detachment.
If you truly feel there’s hope for better days with the alcoholic, then learn how to stay in this difficult situation without letting their behaviors have such a negative effect on you.
I do want you to be sure that you see the situation that you are in for what it really is though. You cannot hold on to the person that the alcoholic used to be. If they are treating you horribly, then you have to live in reality and not the fantasy world of how they used to be.
People stay in relationships with alcoholics for decades and they do it with great success. The keys to staying with an addict are found within learning detachment.
If you are being physically abused by an alcoholic, you must seek out help in your local community, immediately! No one should be anyone’s punching bag. You do not have to tolerate unacceptable behavior. Get out of harms way without delay.
Hopefully you grasped a couple of good things here and will be better able to make your decision as to whether you want to stay or leave the alcoholic.