Letting go and let God is the best way to cope with an alcoholics choices. Often an alcoholic’s actions are unacceptable yet unstoppable. How can we live at peace inside a world that is filled with improbability? We never know what absurd things will occur in our life, family or friendships when we are dealing with problem drinkers.
Here are some key ways that I have learned to let go of the alcoholic in my life.
1) Understand that they are accountable to their own God and you don’t need to be their god. Let them suffer the consequence of their own actions. They have messed up their own lives, so let them figure out how to fix it. This will often lead to them reaching a bottom and asking for recovery help.
2) Find things to do without the alcoholic needing to be a part of them. In essence you can live a life with them and yet have the lifestyle of an individual. Go fishing, hunting, skating or get involved in a local church. There are literally hundreds of organizations which need volunteers. Get involved in the community. Go on a shopping spree occasionally. Take good care of yourself and treat yourself to good things.
3) Stop confronting them and obsessing over their behaviors. Here’s a great lesson on how to stop obsessing over the alcoholic in your life.
4) Get on the phone and interact with friends and relatives often.
This is a wonderful way to let go of the many destructive things that alcoholics do. When you are angry at them, just call someone instead of letting it out on the problem drinker.
5) Get involved with group therapy meetings for family members and friends of the people who suffer from the disease of alcoholism.
6) Plan trips away with friends or relatives. These should be trips that do not include the alcoholic being a part of the plans. This is your life not theirs. You might think, “how can this be the right thing to do when we are married?” Listen, your alcoholic spouse is married to the alcohol more than they are committed to you. So go and enjoy a weekend away without them. It will do you a world of good to travel far away from all of the dysfunction.
7) Get involved in service with the group therapy organization that you are a part of. There are many things that you can do which will benefit others who are in your situation just by serving on a board. They always have positions that need to be filled for president, secretary and treasure. This may not consume much time, but it will help you keep the focus off of the active alcoholic in your life. This is how to stop thinking about an alcoholic all of the time, by serving others who appreciate your involvement.
8) Make up your mind to not obsess over what they are or are not doing. Keep yourself busy with all of the things that I have already mentioned. I said all of them because it’s going to take all of them to help you let go of the alcoholic in your life.
When we stop taking care of an alcoholic and allow them to feel the discomfort of their choices, there’s a good chance they will seek help. As long as we continue to make life easy on them, they will continue to take advantage of our good graces.
Letting go of problem drinkers is very difficult when you see them destroying their lives and the family. There’s nothing that you can do, so let them go. Only when they finally hit their bottom is when you can jump in and assist the alcoholic with life. Until then, love them like there is no tomorrow and live your own life like there’s no tomorrow.
I have let go because there is not a thing I can do. It just causes so much frustration because they are destroying there life and they don’t see it! They did hit bottom but they decided that they didn’t want anything to do with me as a friend anymore! It’s so sad because I was a good friend and they never saw that because of the alcohol and now when I want to reach out and see them recover from this addiction. I can’t be the friend how a friend should be for them to see that!! They always thought I was the unreasonable and difficult one because I would ignore them and never return calls/emails. It hurts!
I think I’ve finally learned, the hard way, that I MUST let go. The result of living with my AH is that I may well be “taken down” with him. Luckily, Jesus will see me through to my new life. I can’t envision it all right now, but it will be happier, with freedom from the bondage of addictions!
But what do you do when the person is actually hindering what’s necessary for my life? I start school next week and he’s the one that makes enough money to get the car he needs but refuses to take any of our suggestions or do so himself. I can’t afford a vehicle, don’t have any friends that can take me or a bus that goes the way that I need to go. Letting go of his behavior is one thing, but using the resources we need to live our own lives is the most difficult part of it.
[…] If that’s you, then you need help. We become unreasonable and irrational without even knowing it sometimes. While the person that we dearly love is out on the town destroying their lives, we have the worry warts all over us for them. Emotionally, we find ourselves hanging from the chandeliers while they are having the time of their lives getting plastered with their best friend Mr…Budwiser. This is why we need to learn methods used to let go of alcoholics. […]