JC: While reading this young mother’s story, I saw continued signs of alcoholism being present in her boyfriend. He tries to quit drinking and relapses. He has a regular pattern of staying out in bars while his girlfriend cares for their family. There’s lying, abandonment, manipulation, DUI charges, repetitive relationship breakups/makeups and much more. The girlfriend is constantly giving and he is always taking. She is loyal and he is disloyal.
I have listed several article links at the end of her story that will help momentarily. As always, I recommend getting involved in Al-anon as soon as possible. Readers, I hope you will take some time and offer your experience, strength and hope in the comments section below the article.
Guest Post: Girlfriend Shares About Alcoholic Boyfriend
Wow is all I have to say. Just had a rough morning with my Alcoholic boyfriend that I have been with for 5 years and have two kids and was searching for things on Youtube to give me some hope and I found this website. Listening to JC was like listening to someone who was living in my house with me and saw what I go through day after day.
When I first met my boyfriend I was only 18 and he was 20. He seemed like a nice guy. He drank back then, but more social. He was into harder drugs and I didn’t like that at all, but who was I to judge? He had been in trouble with the law and had already had a dui. Me being young just looked past it because he was so nice. So we continued to date.
After we had our son the drugs seemed to fade out, but the drinking came on full force. We didn’t live together for a while so I was always worried about him and the drinking staying out all night and ignoring my son and I. He would make up excuses why we couldn’t see each other and why he wouldn’t want to see our son. He revolved his life around friends and drinking and other women. So I finally said I was done and over it and we stayed away for a few months. Then he started up with the drinking and drugs while we were apart.
Some things went down more fights and making up just a constant cycle until I moved out of my parents and got my own place. We started talking again and he wanted to make things work and be a family. So we moved in with each other. It was great at 1st, then the drinking and going out started. He would take my car and go out all hours of the night leaving me and my son alone. I would cry and wonder why he didn’t want to spend time with me. What was wrong with me. All while my son needed me and I took care of him, but all the love that I was trying to give my boyfriend should have went to my son.
I worked full time at two jobs and he worked at a bar part time having a little one the house is hard to keep up with sometimes and he would just nag and yell and tell me how nasty the house is when he was home all the time! So we went month after month of him leaving me to go hang out with friends and drink and come home puking and sleeping in until noon.
Anytime I would say anything it turned into a fight. I would get so mad that I would I want to just punch him for the mean things he would say to me, when all I was doing was working and paying bills and taking care of the baby. He had even lost his job while we were living together and it was so much on me, but I was the bad one because I couldn’t cope.
Then we had a patch were things were going good and we loved each other and decided to have another baby! (not a good idea… love my daughter to death but it was not a happy time). My whole pregnancy with my daughter and my pregnancy with my son were so stressful. During my first pregnancy, I had pre eclampsia. My boyfriend wasn’t even there for the birth…
Anyway, with my daughter he would go out drinking to clubs and all sorts of places and said I couldn’t go because I was pregnant all while I worked 16 hour days and he work 4 hour days and went out all night. Telling me everything that he felt was wrong with me because someone at the bar had been nice to him. Whenever he starts feeling bad about himself it’s always my fault. Then I had my daughter and that was a happy time he was actually there for her birth, but had been out drinking that night as well, but he was functioning.
Then the day came to take the baby home and he was drinking a jager in the hospital room that he had snuck in. Which is something he does all the time. We took the baby home. Of course, a new baby is very stressful. So he found plenty of chances to leave and go get drunk.
So about 5 months after I had my daughter, I took my kids one morning after my boyfriend had been drinking whiskey all day and was sloppy…so sloppy it scared me. The next morning after locking him out, I packed everything up and left… thank goodness I only had one more month left on my lease. So we moved in with my parents and things were good except that he stayed in my apartment while I paid the bills. Then of course like always being apart he missed me and I did not like living back with my parents because I felt like I was going backwards.
We made up and made plans to move back in with each other. My parents were so upset. They had done so much for me and my kids, for me to go back was like a slap in the face.
Well one night I knew he had been drinking and we were talking on the phone and he wanted to come see me. His mother had given him a van since our car wasn’t the best. It was getting late and I told him I would see him tomorrow, but he didn’t listen. He went out and drove the van and low and behold got pulled over…. second offence dui! Of course, since we were on good terms, I stuck by him those 45 days because I thought this might change him. I took all the money I had saved and took out a loan so we could get a place and together again.
He was real remorseful in jail, said he was done drinking, blah blah blah… When he got out, he did great, at least until his family, who are also drinkers had a birthday party. My boyfriend figured he could just have one beer… that was a fight between us… in which I looked like the over acting jerk again. That one beer turned into about 10 and it started all over again… it is now to the point it has not even been a year yet and he is worse than before. I did so much to get our lives back and he threw it in my face. I did not get a birthday or a Christmas gift from him. I bought all the gifts he gave to his family.
This is not the person I know. Looking into his eyes, its like looking at a stranger. He is so empty and only talks about killing himself and how I don’t do anything right. I feel so unloved. Anyways that is just a few things I have gone through. I will try those tips. They sound very helpful, but I don’t know if this one will work out. I feel like I’m being used and abused and its hard to keep your mouth shut when you know you try so hard. I love him so much but the drinker is a stranger I despise.
Please feel free to comment below.
Thanks for submitting this story. After reading everything in great detail, from the courtship to your boyfriend doing jail time for two DUI’s, I am convinced that he is demonstrating alcoholic behavior. The AA program teaches that once an alcoholic relapses that they go right back to where they were prior to quitting. I hope you will take time to read your own story. I think you will see your situation a lot more clearly by doing so.
A few suggested articles for you:
Detaching From An Alcoholic-Read the entire article and all of the comments.
Insanity Associated With Alcoholism
Taking Care Of Ourselves When Alcoholism Is Present
Coping With An Alcoholic Spouse