I have been with my boyfriend for at least 3 years and I love him dearly and would like to see him not drinking a beer or so everyday. I have been their for him whenever he needed me so I spent everyday staying with him overnight and see him drinking everyday. He sleeps during the whole day and when he wakes up he’ll pop open a beer which I think is gross and he hardly eats. He will only eat late at night and that gives him stomach problems the next day due to eating late.
JC: You might find these articles helpful: Trying To Control An Alcoholic. When we try to change them, we eventually get really frustrated with an alcoholic’s behavior because they can’t change until the choose to.
Then I got my own place and he came in staying with me and he did the same thing. Eventually, I told him to get up when I get up and I would get up 8 or 9 am to go to school. I only seen him do it three times but then he’d go back to sleep by making an excuse of waking up too early. I want to see him be more motivated and I even told him that.
I mentioned that he had a degree in Criminal Law and to seek employment, but I have only heard him say he’s going to apply and for me not to worry. He’s mentioned to me their are no jobs here in Rockford for him so he stops searching.
I have also so many times helped him with money by supporting him with whatever he needs cigarettes , beer, a hair cut and so forth. It is hard taking care of 3 children as well as taking care of his needs. I have told him “no” a couple times and at first would get mad, but eventually he understood when I told him I have 3 kids to feed.
JC: I think this was an excellent decision on your part to set a boundary to protect your finances. There are some good tips and an excellent conversation in the comments section in this article area: How To Have Tough Love With An Alcoholic.
I have discussed with him plenty of times, he could get cirrhosis since I was seeing his eyes yellow. Their were times we would agrue because I told him I didnt want to see him drink everyday, I would tell him if I dont drink you shouldnt either.
I told him when I was a teenager I use to drink hard liqoure and I even went to Inpatient Rehab for getting caught drinking under age. I told him that I stopped partying with my friends because it made me drop out of high school and if it werent for that I would have stayed and completed my graduation period and the person I am today.
I also metioned that it bothered me to see him like this because I had an uncle who actually died from cirrhosis and I didn’t want to see him ending up like that. He denies that drinking beer is being an alcoholic, he says he only drinks 2, but by the end of the night its more than that.
JC: One of the outstanding characteristics of a problem drinker is they have a tendency to not tell the truth, especially about how much beer they actually drink. To learn how to reduce the possibility of getting irritated with your boyfriend over his denial, consider reading this article: Alcoholic Lying.
I have stopped arguing with my boyfriend about it and recently he told me he’s depressed because he doesn’t get to see his two boys that he has partial custody to see him Sundays. His baby’s mothers tell him that they will not bring them around. One reason they don’t come over is because of the area he lives in( I had to kick him out of my place because of his lazyness and so forth). He would have had them over here at my place where I am at, a decent neighborhood, but some people say West Side is a bad area, but I’m in an area where no one bothers you and plus their are kids around so its not that bad. Also he told me they do not want their boys around me which I just think it’s not right. I have 3 kids living with me and I take good care of them. So one of his baby’s mothers is making excuses for him not to see his boys and I do not think it is fair for them to treat my boyfriend like he’s a bad father. He is not bad. He cooks for me and my kids and gets along with my kids. Another reason his ex’s are being difficult is because they are jealous spolied women. They are bringing him down because he can not see his boys so he drinks to numb the pain he’s feeling. As well as I am looking at him going through their bs excuses.
I do not make excuses for my littliest to see her father, I am all for my daugters seeing their dads. I do not make excuses like they are to him and I need your help to help me help him get motivated and succeed in life.I love him so much and can not take seeing him do this to himself, he can do so much better without it.
JC: If you want to help yourself, your children, your boyfriend and his children, get involved in support group meetings. One of the things I appreciate about our community of readers is that they are always recommending that people get involved in Al-anon. It’s an organization that has helped millions of people through the years cope with the frustrations associated with alcoholism. Go here: Find An Al-anon Meeting . One of the things you will learn early on is that you have no control over whether your boyfriend drinks beer everyday or not. You will learn you cannot control his drinking, you did not cause him to drink and you cannot cure his alcoholism.