Guest Post:Debbie has questions concerning her alcoholic husband.
I posted my story over a month ago about my husband who I’m sure really has a problem with alcohol because I’ve never seen him drunk, but his abusive alcoholic behavior led me to believe he is addicted to alcohol and also I’ve also him using drugs–recently a friend gave him his prescription for anxiety pills. Our last blowout ended with his usual silent treatment of me and this time I refused to talk to him any more. I moved across the hall. He proceeded to push for mediation and then backed off. During this time I found he started using escort services and phonesex chat lines. After showing proof to his family and close friends he is still able to convince them I am the crazy one. I cancelled mediation after one session when it was obvious this mediator is counseling him (saw him go in 2 times after sessions) but my attorney is encouraging me to continue even though she knows of the abuse I have suffered including illegal tactics on his part of wire tapping our phone and padlocking up files so I could not get them for the mediation.
I’m hoping someone out there has gone through similar circumstances with someone who seems to be able to stop drinking at will but very verbally and emotionally abusive that can help me answer my questions:
1-Why did he push for mediation then stall for 2 weeks before
2-Why did he leave me notes (love notes and wedding pictures) after I
filed for divorce–tired of waiting for mediation?
3-How do I deal with the guilt of the anger I displayed at him during
our marriage whenever I found out about lying, phone tapping etc?
4-How do I go into this mediation with the right mind set and not lose
my “cool” and yet get my point across to mediator how abusive he is?
Hoping someone can help me?
Debbie, thanks for sharing more of your story. Although your situation is unique, it has many of the same dynamics seen in most alcoholic relationships. Some of your questions can be answered by reading this article: Insanity Associated With Alcoholism.
You may find these helpful as well:
Removing Negative Emotions Related To Alcoholism
How TO Handle Feelings Of Guilt
As always, we recommend that you try a few Al-anon meetings. You will find the answers to many of your questions about the alcoholic there. The first meeting I attended, someone handed me a card with their telephone number on it and said; “call me anytime if you need to talk.” There is a tremendous amount of wisdom that circulates through the program that will bring healing to your life and provide answers to your questions.