JC: Maryfran, thanks for submitting your post. I cannot imagine the fear that grips a mother because her child is on such a destructive path. I do know that no matter the circumstances that surround alcoholism, those of us dealing with addicts need to learn how to protect ourselves from having emotional breakdowns. The best advice I can give you is to find an Al-anon group and start participating regularly.
Guest post by: Maryfran
I don’t know where to start. Kim, my daughter, started drinking when she was about 14. I put her into every rehab in the state. The last two times I put her into rehab it was to keep her alive because I knew she wasn’t going to stop. When she was about 30 she got clean for about 8 years and did very well with her life, working and volunteering at school for troubled children. Her husband introduced her to cocaine then the alcoholism started again. Every awful thing that could happen, happened to her and so much of it she doesn’t recall because of blackouts or selective memory?!
Two years ago she was hit by a car on a major highway, wasn’t expected to live. I have her records and 49 injuries are on it. In review, she had 5 skull fractures, 2 brain bleeds, smashed every bone in face, plate in forehead plates in jaws face reconstructed leg has pens plates etc. ankle broken as well as shoulder. This is not everything, I just don’t feel like listing it all. She was in a coma and when she came out of it, she had to relearn everything. It took 1 year and a few months before she was discharged to me, still in wheel chair and had rehab people come in and help.
As soon as she was out of wheelchair she wanted to get a bottle. She was taking dog for short walks and found someone to get her booze and the whole nightmare started again. Eventually she got so violent that I had her taken out of my house by police. She went on the road with a trucker and is spiraling down worse than she ever was. She saw her leg doctor last week and he told her if she wants to save her leg she must start using wheel chair, elevate leg and give herself shots of blood thinner.
She lost her taste and smell and chugs a fifth of alcohol like its water. I asked the family Dr. to help me get her in detox because I have power of attorney. She is a master manipulator and has him convinced she is o.k. She has been in i.c.u. at least 8 times in the past year and signed herself out. She was at concerts out of state and each time ended up in i.c.u. 4 different states.
I’m in a constant state of anxiety, lost weight, have no desire to eat and want to scream at the top of my lungs. My daughter-in-law- that lived with me passed away a few months ago and I just have to shut down and not feel because I’m afraid if I let myself I’ll lose my mind and never come back.
I unplug my phone every night so my daughter can’t call and leave me messages crying and asking me to come get her and when I ask where are you she tells me she doesn’t know. WHY does she do that?? That is why I can’t talk to her until she gets clean. I’ve told her that I love her and the only way she can be in my life is her going to detox and rehab. My greatest fear is that my daughters bottom is going to be death.
From JC: Mayfran, thanks for submitting your story. We must always get up one more time than we fall down. Learning how to let go of an alcoholic is vitally important to your success of reclaiming your sanity. You will find a few tips here: Methods Of Letting Go Of Alcoholics Choices.