Guest Post: By Debbie
My alcoholic husband is still hiding his drinking. I never saw him totally intoxicated, but he is very emotionally abusive to me. He is still using escorts, phone sex lines and still not contributing to household expenses. My divorce may take quite awhile, but I am hoping someone can help with suggestions for the enablers in his life and how I deal with it.
I have posted my story before. Here I am again hoping for all the wonderful support and advice here that has already been given to me.
JC: We have an article called “How To Not Obsess Over An Alcoholic” that may help you with diverting your attention away from all of the things that the alcoholic is doing.
He has a friend who is now giving him “under the table” employment one day a week and I believe is coaching him on hiding money and maybe even convincing him to “wipe out” checking accounts and annuity accounts. This man would never talk to me about what my husband was doing in the past when I asked him. How do I deal with this legally and emotionally? Calls to my attorney don’t seem to get her to move any faster and I’m feeling she doesn’t believe me.
JC: I remember someone telling me to let my attorney handle things…they know what they are doing. If you don’t have faith enough in who is representing you to let go and trust, perhaps it’s time to change to a different lawyer.
My husband also has a large family that believes his lies about me. They help in many ways and may even be coaching him as well.
I feel like I have no one when I reach out for support on these problems it seems no one believes me.
I started taking photos of the things he is doing to me in the house: throwing my shoes out in the lawn, throwing away any decorations I put up (wreaths on door etc), taking magic marker and blacking out my face in pictures in the house. His antics are not enough to call the police, but they are working on me. I detach from the alcoholic and can laugh at this stuff, but when I see he convinces other people to help him–is there a way to let these people know what he is actually doing while hiding his drinking?
Finding that “place of peace” is getting more and more difficult as he pulls these childish things on me–they keep weighing on my heart and sometimes start to make me feel guilty when everyone else seems to believe him over me no matter what I show them or tell them.
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
JC: As I continued to read your story, I noticed that there are several people involved in your situation that you have no control over what they do, think or say. We have an article called “Trying To Control An Alcoholic” that has some good advice on how to let go of anyone in our lives whether they are an alcoholic or not. The situation won’t change any if you inform people that he is hiding his drinking. The only thing that can change is how you respond to people around you. I hope that you can find a way to be content in knowing that “you” know what the truth is regardless of what other’s may think.
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