Guest Post By: Zane
JC: Thanks for submitting your post. I have entered comments in various places throughout the article that will help you learn how to handle this situation. There is hope for your alcoholic mother. My mom finally got sober through the help of AA and stayed clean for over twenty five years before she died.
I have been dealing with an alcoholic mother for the last 14 years. The memories of the good times have been washed away by the alcohol ocean. When I turned 19 I ran away from the problem and came to live abroad. I left my mother to live with her boyfriend and went on to persue my own life. Her boyfriend died a year ago and since then she has been drinking what was left of her life away.
My brother (who was still living near by to her) has been picking her up drunk and watching out for her as she self destructed. She became bankrupt and asked for my help, we sold her car and flew her abroad to live with me.
In the first week of her being here, she has been drunk on 3 occasions. After the third time, when she was sober again, I told her that she can no longer live with me and effect my personal life. So I booked her into a hotel near by and have spent every day since trying to help her get her life together. I have a lot of patience and have used all the tips in dealing with an alcoholic, but the problem still continues.
This morning she was kicked out of her hotel and I found her drunk on the street. I quickly booked her another room in another hotel. When I found her and explained to her that I’m taking her to another hotel, she became very aggresive and angry. She was nasty to me and even though I tried to remain calm and use the steps, I had had enough. I gave her the reservation letter and some money and sent her in the cab and walked away. I have been in touch with the hotel and they have not allowed her to check in due to her drunken state. I informed my brother about all of this and we dont know what to do.
Alcoholics use anxiety and anger as protective mechanisms. You will find helpful information here: How To Cope With An Angry Alcoholic
She has been to rehab three times in her life and nothing seems to have solved the problem. She has no one else left in her life but myself and my brother. My brother said I should let her fall on her ass today because she has been to comfortable knowing that someone was always been there to look after.
You may find helpful tips in this article: Having Tough Love With An Alcoholic. It would also be a good idea to read about how to detach from an alcoholic. I’d suggest reading the entire article and the all of the comments below it as well.
My friends all advice me to let her be today and if she sleeps on the street…so be it. they think that it might be the best option for her to maybe finally realease her situation. I just cant find it in me to allow this to happen though. She has nothing left and maybe $200 in her pocket…what do I do? I’m 22 years old and I can’t handle this situation…Sleep on the street or must I bring her to my home?
Zane, thanks for posting your story. You may feel lost and not sure where to turn to get help for the alcoholic. Learning how to let go of an alcoholic takes time. The best thing you can do is learn how to take care of yourself in the middle of this very difficult time. One of the best places to get help is by attending Al-anon meetings. There will be people there who can help you sort out the difficult emotions that you are experiencing right now. Don’t give up on your mother. She is a very sick with the disease of alcoholism and needs your love. The thing is…you need to learn how to love her while she is trapped in this horrible addiction. You will find the help you need in Al-anon.
I understand your desperate situation because my father was an alcoholic.
The post you got that urged you go to Al-anon is what you need. Also, you may need a therapist once a week for a while to get you back to you. I was so overcome with caretaking that I forgot about me, and I had a two year old that needed me to be 100%.
I don’t drink because of my father – I will not become him, ever.
Do not let your mother take your health, your personality, your finances, etc. She needs a program, but you need a life, too.
Is there a program where you are abroad that you can direct your mother to? If so, you can take her there maybe or to a rehab. But then you must detach and let her make her own choice to change. So hard to detach when you love someone but also kills the person you are inside to continue to enable when you are only trying to help them stop. I totally understand that. Like JC said I would seek professional help for yourself that would maybe help you formulate a plan for helping your mother. Just be careful to take care of yourself. She needs to help herself with professional assistance. If she refuses to go to a program , you cannot help her. There is nothing you can do.