JC: Diane your submission was titled, “How To Stay Focused Without Feeling Guilty.” One of the characteristics of being raised in an alcoholic home is having guilt feelings. As an adult child of an alcoholic, I understand what it is like to wrestle with many negative emotions. One of the things I learned from my support group is that guilt is either earned or learned and we avoid it as much as possible. Here is a good article: “How TO Cope With Guilt In Alcoholic Relationships.”
Guest Post By:Diane
Here’s the long story shortened. I was raised in an alcoholic home. My mom was the alcoholic. I have always been the people pleaser, take charge, clean up and figure out things kind of person.
My father was abusive and a gambler..There were days that I saw my parents happy and then when their addictions arose there were fights.
So what do I do? I married a man 21 years my age looking for a father figure. He is also an alcoholic.
I have issues when it comes time to having fun (as I am currently going on a cruise and feel so guilty that my husband is unable to attend due to poor choices in his finances), but yet I am fine due to being super hero and maintaining my finances. My husband has taken for granted my super responsible ways and I have finally awakened to that fact.
My mom had a stroke. I am her primary care giver. She has gotten better, but she also has taken advantage of my super responsible ways. During her bouts of consuming liquor, she treated me very bad. I remember her cursing me out during many fights that dad participated in too. There has been plenty of verbal abuse which included damaging words like; “you will never amount to anything”…
My parents mood swings are and were terrible. You never knew what to expect. I have gone to Al-alon which I had to stop because I felt the people attending needed more than the program. I have gotten counseling and am doing much better, but still suffer with bouts of guilt and sometimes feel like I am not doing enough.
Characteristics Of Being Raised In An Alcoholic Home(ACOA)
Any suggestions on dealing with that?
When it comes to taking care of myself, I have horrible feelings of guilt and never really enjoy the blessing of my life.
My husband is now 73 and I am 51. He drinks strong beers 40oz (3-4 per day) that give him a kick. When he is drunk, he talks to the T.V., curses and eventually falls asleep until the next day… He is functional until around 3:00 p.m., then the process starts again…it is depressing to see.
JC: Diane, I heard something recently that has periodically helped me stay a little more stable; “I Am Enough.” I wasn’t raised in an abusive alcoholic home where I was told that I wouldn’t amount to anything. However, as an adult I married an alcoholic who was verbally abusive. She was constantly ridiculing me and making me feel worthless.