JC: Thanks for sharing your story Laura. The first time I was abandoned by the alcoholic, I was furious. Our relationship had been going great and then she hooked up with someone who had plenty of drugs and that was the beginning of eight years worth of relationship disaster. During those grueling years, on many occasions I felt so rejected by the alcoholic. Let go of all this insanity and attach to God. God will never abandon you. I hope you can see the reality of what is happening and let go of what was. It’s time to seriously consider if you want to spend the rest of your life living like this.
Guest Post By: Laura
I was hoping I could get some feedback about something that I am struggling with. Right now his behavior and mentality are the worst I have ever seen him. I wrote last week on a blog how I finally figured out how to “detach” and I was doing so well, realized he wasn’t actually being this way to “me” and that it has nothing to do with me. Yesterday he finally called and didn’t text…only to find out when he started speaking that he needed a favor. I told him that no, I would not do it, he went 3 days without calling or coming home (we live together), and I was not going to JUMP because he needed a favor…and I’m sorry, but no, I can’t do it. I was so proud of myself for not letting him manipulate me.
Then last night I started thinking (my first mistake, haha) and thought about how awesome our relationship was, and how what seemed like overnight 2 mo. ago, changed into this TOTALLY different man.
The reason he relapsed is because he has a 22 yr old daughter that was addicted to heroin, then got pregnant, stayed clean, had her baby, but made a bad decision (not drug related) and went back to jail. She just got out the other day, but was there over a month. But, that being said…I know it’s not an excuse for how he has become.
How do I go from feeling so much better a week ago, feel stronger, and happier in general…to today – crying, sad, and feeling like the man I thought I was spending the rest of my life with is gone and just stopped loving me, basically OVERNIGHT???!!! My mind and my heart can not comprehend this part of it and it’s driving me crazy again! (It’s not a feeling, it is reality that he has abandoned the relationship.)
I have faith in God, He has blessed me in SO many ways and has gotten me through so much, and I know He will get me though this mess as well….other than praying, how do I cope with this horrible feeling of betrayal and sadness and MAKE my mind comprehend his TOTAL personality change???!!! (Detach from all the insanity and attach to God. Let everything go and cling to the most constant one in your life, GOD! This is a good article: Tensions Associated With Being With An Alcoholic)
Today, I feel like I am starting all over again since just a week ago. Maybe this is just how it is. Thank you for any support you can give me. It does help reading others posts, knowing you’re not alone…but at the same time makes me sad that others have to go through these things as well!
When an alcoholic disappears for three days after having relapsed that is a tremendous amount of stress to deal with. The flood of emotions I experienced when my ex relapsed was a good indicator that I didn’t want to live the rest of my life in fear of being abandoned at any moment. You have to see the reality of what is happening. If you don’t you will gradually find yourself living a very unhappy life tainted by denial. Your love was just stepped on and he treated you like a door mat. The insanity of alcoholism will take you as a hostage if you don’t take actions now to protect yourself from getting sucked in.