JC: Thanks NM for sharing from your heart. Making the decision to leave an alcoholic is one that is filled with many emotions. Once you start working your plan you will see that the fear will fade into the distance. Once you taste of the serenity that is just around the corner, you will wonder why you waited. It’s clear that he doesn’t want to be in this relationship anymore. Stay close to your support group. Please get connected with Al-anon if you aren’t already.
So I finally did it. Or so I think I did. I got a new place. I’m supposed to be moving pretty soon. I’ve figured out a plan to try to make some extra money to become more independent and not have to depend on him for anything, not even if our kids need something. I have a great support system. Everyone is on board, family, close friends and co-workers.
Great! Awesome!- I bet you’re all thinking how wonderful it is and how this will change my life and I can begin to heal. I try to see it that way too but the more I think about it, the more difficult it becomes.
This man has been mean and abusive (Abused By An Alcoholic) to me for such a long time. He’s disrespected me in front of almost everyone we know. He tells me to get out of his house almost daily. He’s said I ruined his life. I keep disappointing him. I’m holding him back. He doesn’t love me. He wants to be alone. He regrets having our children with me. He is only with me because of the kids. He says I’m going to fail in life alone. God is going to punish me and “show” me. I’m turning his children against him but I’m not going to win. God is on his side. He lies, lies, lies and keeps a lot of things from me. When we attend functions together he doesn’t acknowledge me. Constantly, asks people if they are married and when they say yes, says sorry to hear that. Belittles me to no end. Drinks like crazy. sometimes his binges are 4 days long non stop and we all have to deal with the evil twin.
So what’s the problem, you ask? The problem is despite all of these issues and many many more, I still feel guilty for wanting to leave him. (How To Not Feel Guilty When Associating With An Alcoholic) I feel rejected (Being Rejected By An Alcoholic) by him and don’t understand how that is possible. I’m the “healthy” one. Why and how can he make make me feel so bad about myself? And how can I still have compassion for someone who is so mean to me.
Do I have no self respect? Self Esteem? What in the world is wrong with me? I cry and cry just thinking of how after 25 years I’m just going to walk away with my kids and begin to heal and yet I feel like I failed. My daughter says, “don’t worry mom you will be happy when we leave. I promise you. You don’t deserve this. You deserve to be happy.” (How To Be Happy Apart From The Alcoholic) Why can’t I see that for myself. I really hope that I go through with this move. I’m beginning to think that I won’t. I don’t want to stay. So many nights I’ve pleaded to just make it through this last night and I will leave tomorrow. Tomorrow is now here and I can’t seem to make my move.
When I left the alcoholic, I had a close relationship with God. There was no doubt in my mind that He was helping me through the difficult changes. This helped tremendously with having confidence that I was making the right move. It was an abusive relationship and God was removing me from what He knew would never change. Fear was overcome by having faith that God would take care of me no matter what. That was nine years ago and I have always been taken care of.