Submitted by: “Confused”
My husband is a highly functional alcoholic and drug user. He said he only uses drugs when he has had too much beer. He pays the mortgage and his truck note. But he will spend 200-500 dollars easily on his crack cocaine addiction.
Whenever he uses it, he stays gone all night. When he comes home, sometimes 24 hours later, he is apologetic and wants to get help for himself. After a day or so when he is back to normal, he doesn’t have time to get help because he is too busy working (he has his own business). And this is when process starts all over again. It’s a merry go round.
He is nice when he is drunk and kinda mean when he is not. When he is drunk he comes home, eats and goes right to bed, no matter what time it is. Well, I’m tired of the promises, lies, and I can’t depend on him for nothing. I am a Christian and I’m confused as to whether I should stay here with him or get out and let him hit rock bottom. Help.
JC: Confused, my first thought was for you to press into your relationship with God like never before. Seek His guidance intensely through reading the word, prayer and worship(specifically through music). Desire to be led by God every step of the way during this journey. You can trust God! Stand upon your morals and beliefs during this time with an unwavering faith. Consider seeking wise council from your pastor and get involved in Al-anon. Avoid making major life altering decisions in anger.
I have a few questions:
1) Is your alcoholic husband physically abusive?
2) Do you think he would go into a free treatment program? If so, I’d recommend Loving Hands.
3) Can you afford to temporarily separate without divorcing?
4) How often does your husband use crack cocaine?
5) What is your heart’s desire in this situation?
6) Is your husband a Christian?
Please feel free to leave a comment below.
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Hi, My husband used to be a cocaine/ crack addict.He changed over to alcohol because he needs to pass a drug test at the job he has had. We have been married 23 yrs.We have been separated for a year and a half.
It was a tough road.I think he was actively using 11-13 years or more of our marriage.Not to mention the adjustment to when he would be trying to be in recovery.I have al-anon now.But wish I had it sooner.I would suggest not trying to have any serious talks w/ him while under the influence.Crack can make you violent.So can alcohol.
I’m glad you’re here.It helps to share and to read others shares.I will tell you what has been a huge bit of good advise….”Go easy on you! Take care of you!” Those words become more and more meaningful as times goes by for me.
I have a functioning alcoholic husband and a non-functioning alcoholic daughter. I have detached from both. It has taken me years to do this. My husband drinks daily and I just busy myself with things that I enjoy as well as all my household duties. There is always drama in my daughter’s life and although I do a lot of listening, any advice has not been taken and the weed and alcohol continue to be used by her. I will only involve myself in her life if it has anything to do with recovery. I do not want her drama in my life. I feel like I have become insensitive and I hate being this way but I need to protect myself. Thanks for listening.
Each of your heartbreaking, frustrating stories reminds and reinforces exactly why Christ said, “Peter, do you love me?”
Peter replied, Yes, Lord, you know I do.”
Twice more, Christ asked him, “Do you love me, Peter?”
Frustrated and probably confused, Peter answered him, “Yes, Lord, you know I love you.”
Christ affirmed, “[Then] Feed my sheep.”
We all know how easy it is to give up on someone and walk away. Research has shown that it is in the supportive context of a healthy relationship that addicts recover. Healthy detachment through separation and emotional support for them to get help is ideal if one cannot detach and continue to live together.
If Christ walked away from us when it is the Holy Spirit that we grieve the most through our words and actions, not one of us would be saved.
Feed Christ’s sheep. May the Spirit guide each of us in earnestness, for mercy will be given to us inasmuch as we have given to others.
Agreeably, the answers to your question to stay or
not run right to the heart of your soul. Finding
help for yourself to deal with him is first priority. God must come first to help you make
the decisions you may not even want to do. I had
to change me. A lot!!!in order to stay with my
alcoholic and sometimes I wonder if it is the
right decision. Marriage in it’s self is
difficult enough with out the addictive challenges that a spouse can bring into the relationship. Begin with God, he can make your
burden easier to bear. Read this web sight in
entirely. It can and does address a lot
of problems addictive behavior has brought into
your life. Good luck and may God bless your journey.
Karen, you sound as though you’ve acquired a lot of wisdom learning to live with an alcoholic husband. I appreciate and commend you for your strength and for your obedience to God in your marriage. Please, if it’s not too personal, share openly a few ways in which YOU had to change you. We all stand to learn from your mistakes and wisdom. Thank you!
I’ve been married to an polysubstance abuser for 32 years. Sometimes we’ve separated; other times, I’ve had him incarcerated if the situation should arise to require it. We have 4 adult children who have struggled along with us who are bright, beautiful and productive citizens. I’ve questioned remaining married God knows how many times. I am Christian and see nowhere in the bible that justifies divorce in our situation. I have my own problems and realize that I need to concern myself with my own development and not concentrate on his problems. I now busy myself with becoming the best me I can be and have quit obsessing over his issues. As long as he isn’t violating my rights as a citizen, I let him concern himself with himself and I concern myself with myself. Being the grocery shopper and cook, I just make sure I feed us both as healthy as I can to make sure we are as healthy as we can be.