Guilt is either earned or learned is what I have always heard. If you are troubled by an alcoholic who always blames you for things, I’ve got a few suggestions that could help you. I hated getting blamed for stuff all of the time. Once I learned how to protect myself from the barrage of complaints that were hulled my way, I very rarely fell victim to the blame game ever again.
Now I’m guessing that you get angry and somewhat resentful when your spouse, friend, family member or co-worker points their finger at you. Usually when the alcoholic accuses me of something I didn’t do, I have a tendency to defend myself. At least that was my natural reaction before I learned to handle situations differently.
You can learn how to live a happier life with an alcoholic even when he/she blames you for things all of the time. There is a method or tool that can help you with every situation you encounter while being in an alcoholic relationship.
I’m sure you have heard me talk about accepting the alcoholic just as they are. If you will accept that blaming others for their problems is just what alcoholics have a tendency to do, this should help you in responding differently. If you think about it, they have probably been doing this sort of thing for a long time.
Even though you have fought and argued about things, they still continue to do and say the same things to try and upset you. Can you see how they are not going to change? History should speak for itself. This means that you will need to change.
The other thing that has always helped me is not reacting to their false perceptions of the situation at hand. It is not necessary to confront the lies anymore because that doesn’t help. Alcoholics are just liars and nothing that you say or do is going to stop them from lying. If the problem drinker blames you and it is an outright fib, let it go. It is pointless to argue with a drunk. You know how they are…you say; “black” they say; “white.”
We have to choose our battles carefully. Stepping into the battlefield with an addict is really a waist of energy and time. Life is much more peaceful when we learn how to avoid arguing with someone who has a drinking problem.
When they are pointing the finger at you, much of what they are doing is pushing your buttons in an attempt to make you angry. Anger and anxiety are the two weapons of the alcoholic. If they can keep you upset, then it takes the focus off of them. While they are the crazy ones, you look nuttier than them because you are reacting to things all of the time.
Much of what we need is to learn how to communicate with an alcoholic. There are conversations that should be avoided and methods to learn that will help you avoid them. Knowing what to say and how to say it can really help when alcoholic always blames you. I cannot go over everything in this article. You will find some helpful tips here: How To Communicate With An Alcoholic.
Here are a few of the points I’ve made so far:
- Never argue with a drunk
- Accept that blaming others is just what they do
- It is pointless to confront the lies
- You don’t have to defend yourself when they are blaming you for something that you did not do, just let it go.
- They blame on purpose to push your buttons
- You are going to have to change-they will continue to blame
This article, Avoiding An Alcoholic Making Me Feel Guilty, can help you have deeper insight into how to be more resilient in the face of an alcoholic blaming you for things. We also touched on some great ways to be less effected by the things they say here: Being Happy While With An Alcoholic.
No one enjoys being blamed for something. We usually feel, hurt, sad, betrayed or an emotional heaviness. What counts though is how we respond to the accusations of others. This is the key to whether we will remain stable or not.