We get emails all the time from people who don’t think they should be the ones who need to change because the alcoholic is the one who has the problem. In the video below you will hear how one of our subscribers feels about catering to the alcoholic all of the time. As always please feel free to comment below.
JC here, kind of a lazy Sunday morning for me. I wanted to share with you what one of our readers sent in, in response to one of the emails we sent out on communication. I really feel like you will be able to identify with the way that she feels with her situation of coping with an alcoholic.
Alright, here are the highlights on communicating with an alcoholic:
– Never talk about serious things while they are drunk.
– If what you have to say is not, kind, necessary or true, consider not saying it at all.
– Say what you mean…but don’t say it mean.
– Only say things once. Any more than that means you are trying to control them.
– Pay attention to your body language. A smile can go a long way.
– Try to not instantly react when they criticize you.
Now, here’s her response:
“Thank you for the tips. I’ve been married to an alcoholic for 22 years. I follow these “rules” every time he’s drunk. But I don’t feel I should be the one controlling the way I talk and my actions when I’m not the one with the problem. Its so unfair and selfish. I feel like I have to cater to the disease just to keep the peace.”
Now, this type of attitude is common among our readers. They send in emails like this periodically. You know what we teach on our website is that the responsibility of change lies within us because the alcoholic is not going to change. We’ve tried so many times to get them to stop drinking and to change the way they are acting. Everything that we’ve done hasn’t worked. We feel that the responsibility of change lies within us. We are the ones who must learn how to detach and let go of the alcoholic, so we can have more peace and serenity in our lives. It is a strange thing. It’s like doing things totally opposite when they are the ones who have the problem.
Thanks so much for participating on our website. It always amazes me at how we are helping one another learn how to deal with this devastating illness called alcoholism. So, there you go. Have a great day!