How would you define what a healthy relationship looks like? Have you ever been with someone who you felt had your best interests at heart? What are the signs of an unhealthy relationship? Have you ever been in a situation where you were abused by an alcoholic? How do you define what abuse is?
Who Will Love Me For Me?
One of the dominant personality attributes of the alcoholic I was with is they were always criticizing me. This caused me to feel as though I could never please them. I lived many of my days with them in fear of being judged harshly for the things I did or didn’t do.
Ideally, I think a healthy a relationship would be one in which two people accept one another without judgement, celebrate each other’s differences, are supportive and life-enhancing in all aspects of their journey together.
Fear of being judged harshly for speaking my mind was always looming in my thoughts any time there was something I wanted to discuss with the alcoholic. For several years after we met, she seemed to be a compassionate listener, offering sound, non-critical advice. I wasn’t hesitant to share things with her about anything in my life. We were a team, working together to make the best out of life.
As the years progressed-so did the progression of her drug and alcohol addiction, and her abusive behaviors. I found myself afraid to share anything with her because she was like a ticking time bomb that was ready to explode with harsh words of disapproval directed right at me. I couldn’t trust her with my thoughts, feelings, ideas or opinions because she would trample all over them. I felt rejected, hurt, misunderstood and afraid to open up to her any more. My heart had become clenched tighter than an aching, angry fist.
A healthy relationship to me would be one in which I wouldn’t be fearful of sharing anything with my partner. I would feel secure in sharing my insecurities with them, knowing I would not be judged, but accepted. Someone who would take the time to try and understand where I was coming from when I was communicating with them about my needs, feelings or opinions.
A healthy relationship partner would take the time to walk a little while in my shoes and see things from my perspective. I believe they would come alongside of me and support me in my goals and dreams in life, and I would do the same for them. We would be able to collaborate together and still have respect for our individual personalities.
- Emotional support
- Feeling accepted and loved
- The relationship is valued by both
- Security while exploring individual interests
- Trust each other
- Comfortable with intimacy and being vulnerable with each other
- Individual self-worth (not codependent)
- Effective and caring management of conflicts
What does a healthy relationship look like to you? Do you have a healthy relationship with the alcoholic in your life? Was there a place where you enjoyed the beauty of intimacy and could be an open book with the alcoholic, without the fear of being judged harshly, but now that’s a thing of the past? In light of the Web Md listing above, how healthy is your relationship?