JC: Thanks Laurie for submitting your story. You stated clearly that your husband is being abusive, he has been cheating and is consuming alcohol on a daily basis. At the same time you shared that you love him so much and have hope for change. You are living in a very difficult situation. There is a very fine line between reality and denial. I highly recommend that you find an Al-anon support group in your area and start attending right away.
Story Submitted By: Laurie
Hi, I am new to this and wanted to share some of my every days. I am 33, I have 4 kids. My husband is an alcoholic. The problem I have is well that I do have 4 kids, it scares me to walk away…asking myself “who would ever want to be with someone with 4 kids.” I currently don’t work, however, I did just graduate from school so I do have hope that I can find a job and then not worry about money issues.
I love my husband so much. We were high school sweethearts. He truly is amazing and would do anything for anyone…sober. When he drinks he becomes this completely different person. He is so mean. My alcoholic is verbally abusive to me all the time. He has cheated on me with my son’s friends mom, and I even think he has gotten hookers. It has gone so far and beyond what is right and wrong. I love who he is when he is sober, but he drinks every night and therefore, my world is rocked everyday.
I am spiritual. I believe in forgiveness, I think I have been more then forgiving. I hope and pray one day he will snap out of this. He has wrecked cars, gotten a DUI, and recently got physical with me for the first time. I know if I gave him the option of picking between me or drinking it would be the alcohol he would chose. He’s “quit” before..only to find 8,000 cans hidden everywhere. I feel like he is another child in my house. I do everything for the kids myself. I just finished going to school full time 40 hrs a week for 2 years.
I only know of us. I basically have been a stay at home mom so I am so afraid to walk away, as he has always taken care of us financially. Our finances are so in trouble right now. He owns his own business so that has been struggling as well. I keep thinking what is best for the kids.I know it isn’t to see us fighting but I hate to break up this family. I hate to think I would have to share them on holidays etc. I am trying to learn how to deal with him through the advice on this site. It seems I have been doing and dealing the wrong way.
This completely consumes my life because it’s my world. I am obsessed with looking at phone records, crying all the time and fighting with the alcoholic. I do know that if I could win the lottery and have a home for my children I really do believe I would stick up for myself and walk away.
All these things he has done I believe he wouldn’t have done if he was sober, so there’s a little bit of hope left I have but I feel like I am running low on that. We don’t have sex, we barely talk or see each other, mainly because I avoid him at night. Any advice?
JC: Staying with someone who is abusive and cheating in a relationship just doesn’t seem to make sense to many people. Laurie, only you can decide what is going to be best for you and your family. There is always hope for your alcoholic husband to hit bottom, many do and get sober in the process. You are on the right track by trying to learn how to cope with an alcoholic before giving up on the relationship completely. Many people are able to stay in relationships that are worth investing the effort in once they get the proper training on how to live with an alcoholic. If at all possible, please get involved in Al-anon ASAP.