I feel so low and lost. I have been working the Al-Anon program,
watching your videos, doing what I can to change my attitude and to
love unconditionally. I do not think I am strong enough to cope with
an active alcoholic. Before my husband, I was in an abusive
relationship for 7 years (physically, mentally, and emotionally
abusive). I had an eating disorder for the duration of that
relationship and it took a lot for me to overcome that. Now, to live
in a foreign country (with no family nor friends around), and to be
married to an alcoholic whom is mentally and emotionally abusive is
draining. I can’t say anything, I cannot have an opinion. Anything I
say, he gets angry and I am, “ruining a good thing/moment.” He can be
such a sweetheart, but it is becoming more rare. Everyday I wake up
and do my readings, remind myself of the slogans. I tell myself, I am
going to be happy today, the world and people are so beautiful, how
can I not be happy? I pray and thank God for my blessings and continue
to ask for strength. But to be honest JC, I cannot shake the feeling
that someone has tied my hands together, bound my legs to the back of
a truck and dragged me on a road filled with sharp rocks, broken
glass, and dirt. I have been dragged for so long, my body has become
numb to the pain.
We just went through a brutal battle with immigration. 18months of
tears, fighting, sleepless nights, stress, and struggle. Now, to be
faced with his alcoholism, my knees are buckling. His excessive
drinking during the process wasn’t his way of dealing with the
immigration. I now know he has been dealing with a pain and struggle
long before I ever came into the picture.
The resentment and bitterness are taking hold of my heart and I
desperately try to fight them off. I don’t know what to do, JC, I
don’t know what I can do. Any advice?
JC: Thanks for your submission Marina. You are not alone in dealing with a mentally and emotionally abusive alcohol addicted spouse.
Here are a few articles you my find some hope and ideas from: